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Original poster

What's everyone's favourite joke

153 replies

Anon9898 · 20/03/2025 18:19

My boys have none uniform day and have to go to school with a joke?

What is everyone's favourite CLEAN joke

OP posts:
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scalt · 23/03/2025 22:14

Why can’t you send a telegram to Washington?
Because he’s dead.

Myoldbear · 21/03/2025 18:18

The first joke I ever heard:

Why did the sausage roll?
Because it saw the apple turnover.

JE001 · 21/03/2025 10:52

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The right ear, the left ear, and the final frontier.

KhaleesiLikeSundayMorning · 21/03/2025 10:29

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He needed a little space.

Itsallsostressful · 21/03/2025 09:33

As a social worker...

How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Just the one but the lightbulb has to want to change !

ConnieHeart · 21/03/2025 08:18

ThreeTescoBags · 20/03/2025 23:05

Farmer to his dog: run off into that field, Shep and round up those sheep will you

Shep: ok boss. Off the dog goes and comes back a few minutes later with the sheep ' there you go boss, 10 sheep'

Farmer: 10 sheep? There were only 9 when I let then out last night

Shep: well, you did say to round them up

Edited

I love this one! 🤣

moggerhanger · 21/03/2025 08:16

And one for old music fans:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Ah
Ah who?
Werewolves Of London!

ConnieHeart · 21/03/2025 08:16

Mu auntie has just started dating a chap who works in the zoo. She says he's a keeper

moggerhanger · 21/03/2025 08:15

How can you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

It depends on whether you see them later, or in a while.

ConnieHeart · 21/03/2025 08:13

My dad went to join a new dominoes club. They were queuing round the block! Trouble is the person at the back fell over. I think we all know what happened next... !

SinnerBoy · 21/03/2025 08:12

There are no snakes in Ireland and the legend is that he drove (ie chased) them out of the country. The word play is that he's driving them out in a car.

Zippidydoodah · 21/03/2025 08:07

randoname · 20/03/2025 18:28

What did st Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?
“Are you all right in the back there boys?”

Don’t get this one.

Zippidydoodah · 21/03/2025 08:06

KnickerlessParsons · 20/03/2025 18:23

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

This is my all time favourite 😁

Musntapplecrumble · 21/03/2025 08:05

What do you call a man jokes are hilarious...a more acceptable one:
Whaddya call a man under a pile of leaves?

  • Russell
A woman who throws her bills on the fire?
  • Bernadette
(For the oldies like moi) 2 people in raincoats in a churchyard?
  • Max Bygraves
...and many more! 😆
LashesZ · 20/03/2025 23:58

what sort of nuts can you wear on your feet?
cashews

where do pirates get their hooks from? A second hand shop

SinnerBoy · 20/03/2025 23:38

My favourite as a 13 year old:

Geoffrey, Bungle's going out!

Well put some more petrol on him, Zippy!

Renamed · 20/03/2025 23:26

A man went to the doctor and said, Doctor, I can’t hear very well.
The doctor looked in one ear and said, hmm, sponge cake.
He looked in the other and said hmm, custard.
Yes I’m afraid you’re a trifle deaf.

Renamed · 20/03/2025 23:24

I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone.

how do you know there’s an elephant in the fridge?
Footprints in the butter.
How do you get four elephants in a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
How do you know if there’s four elephants in the fridge?
The Mini’s parked outside

bigboots4 · 20/03/2025 23:18

Comic Sans walked into a bar, they said ‘we don’t serve your type in here’

Lovefoodme · 20/03/2025 23:14

What does dentist of the year win?
A little plaque 😂

YoureAMeanOneMrGrinch · 20/03/2025 23:09

“What’s the difference between curtains and toilet paper?”
(most reposed with I don’t know)
”so it was you, then”

& then this one’s hard to write out but when it’s delivered well tickles me.

knock knock
(Who’s there?)
interrupting cow
interrup-
MOOOO!!

Musntapplecrumble · 20/03/2025 23:09

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

  • A stick...
What does a crab call its home?
  • Michelle!
😂😃😂😃😂😃😂😃
ThreeTescoBags · 20/03/2025 23:05

Farmer to his dog: run off into that field, Shep and round up those sheep will you

Shep: ok boss. Off the dog goes and comes back a few minutes later with the sheep ' there you go boss, 10 sheep'

Farmer: 10 sheep? There were only 9 when I let then out last night

Shep: well, you did say to round them up

ThreeTescoBags · 20/03/2025 23:01

What's the bare minimum?

1 bear!

(Funnier when not written down)

SauvignonBlonk · 20/03/2025 22:49

What do you call Postman Pat when he’s retired?

Pat