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Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

217 replies

PearlGold · 20/03/2025 17:14

I would welcome some second opinions here, I’ve had a big row with my DH this afternoon.

-DH’s best friend split up with his partner a few weeks ago
-Said friend has been increasingly spending time at our house with DH - watching television, the odd drink on a weekend etc
-The past two weeks, he has started to make inappropriate comments about women and in general. Examples below:

DH and I needed to pop out leaving him in the house for about an hour, and he said ‘don’t worry, I won’t raid your knicker draw’ which had DH in stitches.

We were watching one of the soaps where there are two female characters who are romantically involved, and he casually said ‘it’s a shame they don’t show them getting the strapon’s out’, DH simply said ‘not before the watershed’.

Another character came on screen and he said something about not kicking her out of bed for farting, again really childish.

He is very bitter about women in general, and keeps slagging off his ex which is really awkward as we met as couples in the past and I got on with her.

I have told DH enough is enough and there must be other friends and family he can spend evenings with. DH says he is just being a friend and that he clearly doesn’t mean any offence by his comments.

I am seriously pissed off now and want my house back!

OP posts:
Shabbysock · 20/03/2025 19:21

I'm usually quite quick to be offended by misogyny but I'm not feeling that from those comments. If I was I'd tell him myself it wasn't acceptable in my home.

I don't think it's unreasonable not to want him (anyone) in your home all the time though. Where is he living, can't DH go there to keep him company?

BunnyLake · 20/03/2025 19:20

Pleasecanyouadviseme · 20/03/2025 18:40

Honestly why would you not just speak up? Stop being a wet lettuce 🥬

Snap lol. Honestly i thought the days of women sitting meekly while being offended by a (hopefully non-threatening) bloke were over! Speak up, use your voice, you don’t need to tip toe around him, he’s a twat, nothing and no one special.

BunnyLake · 20/03/2025 19:16

Pleasecanyouadviseme · 20/03/2025 17:15

Call him out yourself?

Yes this. He’s making you feel awkward and uncomfortable so it’s time to turn the tables. Tell him in no uncertain terms that his attitude is not wanted in your own home. Stop being such a wet lettuce.

TequilaNights · 20/03/2025 19:13

Tell your DH to go to his house instead

LouH1981 · 20/03/2025 19:05

I think you just need to be direct.
Just ask him if he is, indeed, still 12? (although that’s probably disrespectful to many 12 year olds) and tell him to foxtrot Oscar.
Sounds like his ex had a lucky escape.

Daisyvodka · 20/03/2025 19:02

PonyPatter44 · 20/03/2025 18:52

Stop being a dickhead, Dave.

That's literally all you have to say, every time. You might also want to have a Come-To-Jesus conversation with your DH for sitting there like a bump on a log while his mate makes you feel uncomfortable.

I think this is the best one - if he says 'it's just a joke' you can say 'yeah, it's not actually funny though, lay off'

LlynTegid · 20/03/2025 19:01

No wonder the partner left him if his behaviour is typical of how he was when they were together.

TunnocksOrDeath · 20/03/2025 19:00

DoYouReally · 20/03/2025 17:29

That would drive me mad.

I would have already said "well Dave with comments like that it's no wonder Linda left you. Keep it up and you'll be asked to leave here too".

If your DH sides with him, it's because he's far more like him than you think.

Yes this.

Snugglemonkey · 20/03/2025 18:56

DoYouReally · 20/03/2025 17:29

That would drive me mad.

I would have already said "well Dave with comments like that it's no wonder Linda left you. Keep it up and you'll be asked to leave here too".

If your DH sides with him, it's because he's far more like him than you think.

Me too.

Mischance · 20/03/2025 18:54

Even if he is your OH's best friend there is no reason why you should not speak up if you are not happy with anything he says.

HenDoNot · 20/03/2025 18:52

”you know Dave, spending so much time with you lately has made me realise what a total prick you are”

and then turn to your DH “and what’s that saying, you can tell a lot about about someone by looking at the company they keep”

And then leave the room.

PonyPatter44 · 20/03/2025 18:52

Stop being a dickhead, Dave.

That's literally all you have to say, every time. You might also want to have a Come-To-Jesus conversation with your DH for sitting there like a bump on a log while his mate makes you feel uncomfortable.

RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 20/03/2025 18:47

OP, why are you expecting your DH to sort this situation out, when you're the one who is bothered by it? Inviting him round, yes, tell DH not to, but expecting him to put him right about what he says, is down to you in my opinion.

Ohthatsabitshit · 20/03/2025 18:45

Stop hiding behind you dh.

TomatoSandwiches · 20/03/2025 18:41

Tell him to shut the fuck up and piss off, I wouldn't tolerate any nonsense like that in my own home, no one should fgs.

DoYouReally · 20/03/2025 18:41

PearlGold · 20/03/2025 17:42

Yes, another reason I’m fed up. He commented on someone on TV letting themselves go in recent years - it hasn’t got any more inappropriate than that fortunately as I would struggle to bite my tounge.

Again again calling him out...lightheartedly & with a smile.

"Bit of projection going on there Dave?"

If it was me I would wreck his head with come backs to the point he wouldn't want to call over.

Pleasecanyouadviseme · 20/03/2025 18:40

Bumblebeestiltskin · 20/03/2025 18:37

How can you just sit there and keep your mouth shut? And doesn't it make you seriously reconsider your DH for not saying anything and for not seeing it's a problem? It frustrates me so much how low so many women's bars are on MN.

Honestly why would you not just speak up? Stop being a wet lettuce 🥬

Bumblebeestiltskin · 20/03/2025 18:37

PearlGold · 20/03/2025 17:40

Because it’s uncomfortable and awkward, as far as I see it he’s DH’s best friend and he should be the one to tell him.

How can you just sit there and keep your mouth shut? And doesn't it make you seriously reconsider your DH for not saying anything and for not seeing it's a problem? It frustrates me so much how low so many women's bars are on MN.

GreenCandleWax · 20/03/2025 18:23

RedToothBrush · 20/03/2025 17:32

"I'm sorry but did you mean to make a woman feel so uncomfortable in her own house? If you have a problem with women that much, why do you feel the need to be in my company?"

If your DH pipes up in his defence, your response is
"Oh well, if you are offering to go with him, don't let the door slam on the way out".

Then switch off the TV and remove the remote control.

Why start by saying, "I am sorry"? That is pathetic and completely unnecessary. She does not need to preface her statement by apologising. And "sorry" for what, anyway?

ButThisIsMyHappyFace · 20/03/2025 18:07

DoYouReally · 20/03/2025 17:29

That would drive me mad.

I would have already said "well Dave with comments like that it's no wonder Linda left you. Keep it up and you'll be asked to leave here too".

If your DH sides with him, it's because he's far more like him than you think.

Best response. Take the piss out of him - if he gets huffy, tell him it’s only “banter”. You leave him with no comeback and he has to simmer down or look like the pranny he is.

thankyounextplease · 20/03/2025 18:07

The friend saying those things wouldn't bother me, the fact that my partner thought it was funny/appropriate/something to bounce off of with their own comments would bother me.

Octoberdreaming · 20/03/2025 18:02

He sounds like a vile, sleazy pig
Tell him yourself that his language is unacceptable in YOUR home.

MidnightMillie · 20/03/2025 17:54

PearlGold · 20/03/2025 17:40

Because it’s uncomfortable and awkward, as far as I see it he’s DH’s best friend and he should be the one to tell him.

NO

It's your home as much as your husband's.

YOU need to call him out no matter how uncomfortable it might feel.

Don't play into his stereotype of 'feeble' little woman.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 20/03/2025 17:48

Plmii · 20/03/2025 17:32

Can your husband move out?
I would get the ick for him because of the company he keeps.
I wouldn't be tolerating this.

Tell your husband to see him outside the house. No further discussion.

Have you children being exposed to him?
If so, completely unacceptable.

The husband needs to move out? Get a grip.

PearlGold · 20/03/2025 17:46

Cucy · 20/03/2025 17:44

I don’t think what he’s saying is that bad (as long as it’s not in front of kids) it’s just a bit childish and so it’s more likely that you’re just annoyed with him always being there.

How often is he coming round?

I would compromise and limit how often he comes round. And when he does, you can do something in a different room so you don’t have to deal with him.

At least two nights in the week and usually once on a weekend (daytime) depending on the football schedule which him and DH usually watch. It hasn’t intruded into mine and DH’s weekend evenings at least.

OP posts:
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