Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

Why can’t your DH go to his house instead? Still a bit rubbish as you won’t be spending time together but at least he won’t be at yours.

DH would have walked him to the door himself tbh. Tell him his playdates are over and he can go to his mates place instead.

So you have a husband whom doesn't care less about what you feel in your own home about his scummy friend constantly visiting?

He is just like his friend.
Birds of a feather flock together.

Scum hanging out with scum.

You have a husband problem that you need to wake up to.

Absolutely this!

I'd either

• say nothing if it didn't bother me
• go out more
• speak up every time
• start wearing revealing stuff around the house, like tiny pj outfits. Hopefully it will make DH rethink his mate being around all the time if he himself is uncomfortable.

Eta- give crude banter back to make dh uncomfortable. "I'll choose you a nice pair when I'm back" etc. It doesn't have to be clever. Men don't like being told what to do or have you come between theism and their mates. They do respond to feeling jealous, threatened, or feeling insecure.

Are you now wondering if this is the way he's talked about women behind your back your entire relationship, because i would be!! I'd feel like I'd married a stranger.

Your husband knows nothing about women if he really thinks no other woman would be upset by the knicker drawer comment. And as for men and 'no sense of humour' - give me strength. I'll bet they don't have a sense of humour when their sensibilities are poked.

I wouldn't pretend to be ok with this, I'd go out when PITA is at yours or I'd be in the bedroom reading or doing my own thing. You will get a lecture from H about being rude to his mate, but he's been rude to you so who cares?

Nobody should be making you u comfortable in your home. I would absolutely tell him myself that in our home we do not disrespect women or talk like that and that if he cannot be appropriate in his behaviour and language that you think he should meet your husband somewhere else as he will no longer be welcome in your home. I have young daughters so would absolutely not tolerate that kind of talk. Nor would I let my husband make excuses for this man.

OP re the knickers I’d have said “that’s really creepy and pervy Dave and I’d not have let you in this house if I thought you think that way. Now you’re here I’m taking my knickers with me( and I’dve packed them in a carrier bag and done just that). If you say anything like that again you’re not welcome here”.
re the footie plonk yourself between him and DH on the sofa, feet on DHs knee, wear your headphones and watch something on your phone.
Its your house make your presence felt,
longer term, call this guy out next time and tell him that attitude is not welcome in your home and not to come back

The more you post, the more I'm thinking your husband sounds like this guy's twin brother.

Awful.

Your husband thinks what his friend says is perfectly fine , I wonder does your husband carry on in the exact same way when your not in earshot?

Well your DH is either lying or stupid highly unimaginative. Of course it's offensive!
As is him repeatedly inviting this guy over without checking with you - really disrespectful.

Your DH really needs to have a think about his priorities. Yes his mate is in need of support and friendship, but he clearly isn't inconsolable or he wouldn't have the headspace to be such a dick. And you are just being trampled over by the pair of them, in your own home.

You are obviously not having a sense of humour failure - as nothing this guy has said is funny. It's his sense of humour that has failed.

I'm afraid I would have said something to him by now - especially when he made the knicker drawer comment. Totally disrespectful of you.

I think if he is really comfortable about talking like this in your home then you are getting an insight into what the conversations between him and your H are like when you aren't there: they will be much much more extreme. The fact your H is happy for his friend to talk like that to his wife in her own home is pretty disgusting.

You should be having a talk with your H and telling him if his friend can't behave in a civilised way then he's not welcome in your home.

He sounds grim! You should not have him round yours all the time ,Reminds me of the"likely lads "where Terry is a pain in the ass to newly weds Blob and Thelma.I would simply say thats not funny,I would be having strong words with DH as well!

I think maybe it’s more that it’s part of a pattern that’s an issue. I have male friends who, if they made one of those comments in isolation, wouldn’t offend me at all, because we’re mates who occasionally make an off-colour joke to one another and I know they’re not misogynists in any way. But this is the DH’s friend, not the OP’s, and. when those remarks are relentless and happen every time you time you see someone, and are combined with a bitterness about women in general, then that paints a very different picture I think.

I got into awful trouble once with everyone after I told BIL he wasn’t welcome in my home because of his gross jokes. Warned him a couple of times, he didn’t pay attention, I told him he wasn’t welcome. SIL called DH to complain. I told them all that if they all thought jokes like that were OK, they weren’t welcome either.

I give no fucks. Racism, sexism in my house, fuck off. Yes, OP’s partner should do this but if he won’t I would.

Your DH is as bad as his friend. He isn’t saying anything because he doesn’t think his friend is doing anything wrong. This is presumably how he and his friend have always talked in private, because neither of them really respects women much.

The comments are not appropriate in someone else’s house in front of his friend’s wife. It’s crass and disrespectful. OP needs to speak up, I would have no problem saying something to him and I’m not a confrontational person but the days of me putting up with being offended so I don’t offend back are long gone.

You are who you hang with. Your bloke could do with reminding of that I think.

I'd be saying something as well so the result would be banning him from the house.

It’s too much imposing this person on you. Your husband doesn’t care about the impact on you, he’s just enjoying living a childish bachelor style life.
I’d get rid of both of them.

Judge a man by the company he keeps.

Tell DH that you find his friends comments offensive and creepy and as his best friend, you are starting to see your DH in a different light now too as it clearly doesnt bother him. See if that hits home.