Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

Wonder why he’s single? 🤔

Just when I thought he couldn’t get more unattractive

3 x a week is a lot. Especially if you have s job & kids etc. Surely they can meet in the pub for a drink and you can speak to your husband about that ? Just say you need peace , you are sympathetic towards his situation but his lewd /sexist* comments are rubbing you up the wrong way & you are tired /want the house to yourself not 2 blokes cluttering up the place. If my friends came over that much (I have kids though) I wouldn't answer the door in the end!

I would be worried that your dh will offer his friend the use of your sofa/spare room.

Do you have an annoying/smelly/noisy activity you could be doing on the occasions he is in your home?

Sorry but your DH sounds like a dick too. You shouldn’t have to have someone you feel uncomfortable with in your own home. Tell your DH he isn’t coming to your house to watch the football if he wants to watch it with his friend then they need to go out.

I'd have called out his behaviour before now and made it quite clear he would leave if it continued

I think you are past the "doing something good" stage and need to boot him.
He's overstepping your boundaries and seems to be very bitter about his separation, judging by his comments, there was probably a good reason for that. Have a serious chat with your DH, nobody should feel insecure in their own house.

He’s making you feel uncomfortable in your home so you’re absolutely the one who should tell him so.

Its obvious you have a DH problem in that hrs siding with this prick against you - and that he’s not going to speak up so it has to come from you

Re the ridiculous strap on comments, you could say - you do know women can orgasm without a penis or its like, perhaps that's where you went wrong

Used to have that all the time with an ex and it was absolutely rank.
The irony was everyone thought he was a good decade older than his real age.
He used to say it about every woman.
The only who got his praise was Amanda Holden.

Yes. I wouldnt want my DH to have a best friend like that in the first place 😬

He will just clock that as she's another moany woman and slag her off behind her back to her husband.
We all know the type.

Your DH needs to understand he's a husband with a wife and he shares his home, with you, a woman. Expecting your wife to put up with your friend's misogynistic behaviour because you feel sorry for him is not ok. If the friend wants to mouth off about women more than he wants a bed for the night, then he can fuck off and your DH can fuck off with him and console the twat elsewhere on a full time basis.

His comments wouldn't bother me but being in my home frequently would.

Are you afraid to challenge your husband or insist that he meets this friend elsewhere? It sort of comes across that way. If your husband is willing to die on this hill of prioritizing his friend over you then you have bigger problems than the stupid comments.

I would say you have had enough of the visits and your husband can go round his friend's or they can go to the pub

he clearly doesn’t mean any offence by his comments

Tell DH he does mean offence - he is belittling women in general.

It's just he's so used to a culture of misogyny that the friend - and your DH - don't even register it as offensive.

Just tell him he’s not welcome, and why.
I’m baffled as to why you’d pop out for an hour leaving him in your house? Why didn’t you send him home?!

OP grow some balls and call him out- if your DH doesn’t like it tell him that you aren’t exactly impressed at him going along with chats like that in your presence and if they want to be macho geezers they should maybe meet at the pub

OP something I found worked with my DH when he thought I was over reacting about a situation, and was prepared to continue with it, was to say to him 'YOU may think I'm over reacting, but it's the way I feel, and you need to listen to what I'm telling you, because if you don't, this will be the end of our marriage!' I then walked out of the room and left him to think about it. He stopped doing what was making me unhappy, and now if there's something bothering me, I remind him, that it's not about what HE thinks, it's about how I feel!

You shouldn't have to - but get your assertive challenging comments practiced and ready to roll out.

Lots of suggestions here to start you off.

This is your house.

Speak up and speak out.

And when your husband has a go at you for it - roll out your practiced comments to him, too. They are enabling each other.

No more biting your tongue - it's easier to speak if you haven't hurt your own tongue first.

I understand your reluctance to say anything due to it being uncomfortable but he is making YOU uncomfortable in your own home and he doesn't seem to care. Also, you have spoken with your DH about this and he has brushed it off.

You've explained your not happy to your DH and unfortunately i doubt he will say anything to his friend. So, as awkward as it is you are going to have to have a discussion with the friend. I wouldn't call him out or snap at him, just calmly explain that this is your home and if he wishes to be a welcomed guest then he must stop with the misogynistic and inappropriate comments and also measure the time he spends there. If he is unable to do that or snaps back at you then you can ban him from your home with a clear conscience. If your DH protests you can explain that he had his chance to discuss this with his friend when you expressed you initial upset. I doubt it will escalate to that but unless you want him lounging around and bemoaning women in your house for a unforeseen amount of time, the only way is to speak with him yourself. Good luck whatever you decide.

Next time your DH's friend says something sexist and/or inappropriate, just say 'I can see why your ex kicked you out'. Challenge every inappropriate 'joke' from the friend and your DH. They sound like a pair of sniggering school boys. Tell your DH that everytime he laughs at his friend's comments or says something similar you lose all respect for him and find it completely unattractive.

Do you feed this friend when he comes round? If so, stop doing it. Make him feel unwelcome.

What’s stopping you saying ‘Nigel, I get that you’re smarting after your break up and that sofa surfing is no fun, but either you refrain from the Carry On type comments in my house, or you go and sit on a park bench somewhere. Is that clear?”

I don’t think these comments are horrific, was expecting much worse with your comment of pervy friend - and I am definitely not charitable to men who talk in innuendo all the time. The knicker drawer (I can’t resist saying it’s not draw) comment was grim though and I agree with others that you can and should say something.

The bit that would bother me the most is my DH unilaterally deciding that he’ll have a friend in the house whenever he wants - in our house we’d always say to each other ‘I’m thinking of inviting Dave on Fri night to watch the football, does that work for you?’ Etc. I’d not cope well with people in my home that often each week. So I think it’s a DH issue more than the friend. DH can go to his house or out to the pub if he wants to be a good friend to him.