Fed up with DH’s pervy friend coming round our house

It wouldn't bother me to be honest. It's probably just his sense of humour.

Basic politeness means you don’t make sexist and disrespectful remarks when you’re a guest in someone’s home.

The knicker draw comment shows where his [creepy] mind goes, even if it’s made as a [really cliched and unfunny] ‘joke’.

The comments he’s made about women on TV are so juvenile. In fact, I doubt a teenage lad would make them when a guest in a friend’s family home. No wonder he’s single!

Looks like there are two issues though. Even if he stopped making the remarks, and was mature and polite, isn’t the issue that your DH is inviting him over without asking you whether you mind? And also the frequency of his visits?

Your DH needs to respect that it’s your home too. He needs to discuss with you before inviting a guest. You should make it clear if you don’t want his friend over 3 times a week, however he behaves. And if you want a daytime or evening without a guest (or him specifically) then say. Cohabitees should be happy for guests to come over within reason. But 3 times a week is quite a lot.

You DH is also responsible for challenging his friend’s sexist or disrespectful comments. He’s his guest. He’s your DH and should respect you and your boundaries.

If he won’t, then I’d challenge it directly. Really polite, calm, light and firm. Something like: ‘I’d rather not hear your sexist ‘banter’ in my home’. If it carries on, make it clear to your DH (and the friend directly if necessary) that he’s not welcome if he can’t respect your boundaries.

Next time he does it, just throw him out. Immediately

It’s your home too and you shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable.

Your DH feels badly for Bob/Dave/whoever, Bob's homeless and sofa surfing so he's inviting him round lots, they can have banter and watch the football and talk about how unreasonable women can be. Bob's trying to make you uncomfortable so you'll leave them alone so they can get on with the male bonding, he probably wants to see your DH alone so he can talk him into letting him move in for a bit. This is not the time to be a shrinking violet Op, you can't hide behind your DH because he can't see his BF is a sexist pig, if you don't stand up for yourself this could get far, far worse

Both of them should be calling him out.

Stop trying to cause issues with OP’s marriage!

Why u letting him stay in the house when u go out? I'd be saying right Bob, we need to go out now, I'll see u to the door.

It doesnt make any difference, or not much, that he doesnt mean any offence. He still does cause offence.

Chances are your husband says similar things when you’re not around, or his friend wouldn’t feel so comfortable saying those things to him. They’re probably as bad as each other

You’re right. Sorry.

Alright, alright! I’m not her husband. Just an idea.

If he doesn’t care what his wife thinks, why would he be swayed by the opinions of a load of internet randoms?

I meant show the DH this thread who has said most women wouldn’t be offended.

DH should tell him, it is his friend, he invited him and her saying something will reinforce his obvious dislike/disrespect of women. If the telling off comes from a man - his friend - it should send the correct message. Why should Pearl have to confront him?

Show him this thread. Very clear that the majority are offended. I’m afraid your DH is as bad as him.

Next time he annoys you I'd say, "Wow, Dave, I can't imagine why Sarah got fed up with you. I want to dump you too and you're not even my partner."

Yes! was just about to say that!

Every time he says something have a line ready:

I can see why your single now Bob
Blimey, no wonder women run a mile
If you can get her in bed in the first place Bob
Didn't have you down as wearing women's underwear Bob
Is that your best chat up line Bob?

and so on

I would say, ‘no wonder your wife left’.

He sounds like a pig.

Stand up for yourself! It’s your house too.

Sorry I’m laughing

You dh might think he’s acting in a harmless manner but by not backing you up he’s as bad as him; I take it he has to knock/ring the door bell to gain access to your home? Could you not switch off the lights early lock the doors; switch off the phones; close the curtains & have a snuggled up couples night with just you & hubby; if the prat comes knocking ignore the oaf & keep doing it until he gets the message go out for a meal next night; long romantic walk next night the idiot should realise he’s burnt his bridges quickly either that or your going to have to put your big girl pants on & tell him enough to enough & he’s to get out x

I have read a few threads similar to this over the past year.
Sometimes the behaviour of these men escalates. They are testing your boundaries in your own home.
Your DH should support you.
If he doesn’t he’s just as much of an idiot as his mate.
It is designed to make you feel uncomfortable. Put an end to it now.

Start an inappropriate comment jar and fine him £1 for every comment and use the takings to take yourself out with better company!

This is good.

Or “with attitudes like that, no wonder you’re single, Bob.”

Suggest the friend has counselling. It is apparent he blames women in general for his marriage failure which is irrational and needs therapy to come to terms with it and get over it. Give him these links every time he comes out with the inappropriate comments:

https://www.talktoangel.com/area-of-expertise/breakup
https://www.thecalmzone.net/guides/relationship-breakdown
https://positivepsychology.com/breakup-therapy/
https://citytherapyrooms.co.uk/counselling-therapy-london/relationship-breakup-separation-divorce-counselling/

You could also keep reminding him that bitterness/hatred will never solve anything, but it can make his life worse by alienating those around him. If he responds aggressively towards you as a result, then we'll see how far your husband's tolerance goes and whether he is really husband material.

Neither your DH nor his friend seem concerned about upsetting you with these comments, so I’d take that as setting the tone for the rules of engagement. Respond robustly, with nary a care for whether they get upset. And if your DH chooses to side with his mate over this, he might want to consider whether he’d like to join him sofa surfing.