Not invited to sister-in-law’s wedding

I think your husband is a bigger issue right now, forget the wedding! He projected all his shit onto you by teaching your kids that’s how to speak to each other.

Well he’s a cunt isn’t he.
he screamed and shouted in your face in front of the children and told them to keep it a secret. He is not a good husband and I suspect you have unconsciously ignored other warning signs.
stop involving him in your family. Do your own thing with them. Let him carry on with his family. Don’t acknowledge the SIL wedding and if he’s taking the kids he can sort their clothes and getting them ready. I would be deliberately away or busy that weekend and prepare nothing.

Indeed.

Apart from him screaming it all seems quite a fuss about nothing.

Your husband sounds horrible. I would never accept being screamed at like that, let alone in front of the children in a car. I wouldn’t have even wanted him driving after seeing that level of aggression.

You have a serious husband problem, the wedding is the least you should be offended by

No idea, the whole thing is bizarre and a mess to be honest and I don’t think we’re actually going to get answers from the OP.

Well that was hardly later was it?

Of course his behaviour wasn't acceptable.

I would also query if "keeping it secret" would even mean from Op.

I mean she's not even invited!

Unless she couldn't be trusted to not tell MIL?

Just let her get on with it. It’s not personal to you if no partners are going. I’d just go on the holiday and not worry about it. I can’t be doing with all this drama.

She did. In the car. And he fucking lost it.

I agree that maybe she badgered him too much, but her pestering doesn’t mean his behaviour was acceptable at all.

I wouldn’t have a problem with my DH going to the wedding without me if it genuinely was that small. However I do very much agree with you about things like this damaging a marriage. Him having kept such a big thing a secret, to the point of it causing massive drama, is a big big problem. He should have told his wife what was going on. Secrets in a marriage are bad. The only things I would keep secret from my husband are friends personal secrets that they’ve confided in me and are nothing to do with him. The husband should be realising he’s massively fucked up here and be busy making amends, not being sick of talking about it.

If my husband kept saying ‘I’m not available’ and didn’t tell me why I’d be fucking suspicious too and keep asking. But then, my husband wouldn’t do that because we have a healthy marriage.

Perhaps some of us would take the hint & discuss it later?

Forget the wedding. What your DH did would be unforgivable to me.

you have had a row and a nasty one. But you say that this behaviour is not typical of him which is why you are so very shocked and upset.He has also apologised. Most couples will have a bad row at some point in their marriage but ignore the people here who say leave him, they probably have crap relationships themselves. Youu don't give up on an otherwise marriage and ruin your children's lives over one bad row

he sounds to me the he was uncomfortable and overwhelmed about being asked to keep a secret which deep down he also believes to be unreasonable. As he is close to his mother he may be upset about how she will accept the news that she is being left out of the planning and now like many men is dealing with his anxiety by trying to switch off from the problem.

I would cool it, you are not being singled out not to go to the wedding as the other partners are not invited. Your SIL sounds weird but you don't have to make that your problem. After the wedding when things have cooled down sit him down and insist on talking it through but calmly. Set out some boundaries about future behaviour and tell him the penalties for crossing them, but don't say anything that you are not prepared if necessary to go through with.

So the general wisdom is that if your spouse is suddenly annoyed by you or cross with you for no good reason, there's someone else. I'd rule this out OP, confirm there's actually a wedding, if you can.

Agree. He was wrong to scream in front of the kids but he probably is fed up after YEARS of being forced to accommodate you by associating with people he doesn't like or enjoy. Why micromanage him to that extent?

It’s fine for his sister to have a siblings only wedding. It’s absolutely not fine for him to lie by omission by concealing that from you and then being so unbelievably aggressive when caught out. I’d genuinely struggle to move on from this quickly.

If no other partners are invited I wouldn’t be fussed about the wedding

I would be fussed about your DH’s attitude

@Unlisted - "... I don’t think he would care if I ever saw them..."

Is that a problem for you?

"... I however make him see my family, not every time I see them but enough ..."

Why do you make your husband see your family? How do you make him? Sounds a bit like coercion...

I can sort of see why he might be a bit tense around family issues

Your DH screams at you in front of your children for asking something so normal, claiming your family are freaks when his family is the one having a ‘close
family only’ wedding that doesn’t even involve the groom’s own mum 🤣🤣😭😭😭 whaaat, they’re the freaks and I’d educate him on that!

They've been asked not to tell their grandmother about her own daughter - their aunt's - wedding. It's not great.

If my husband kept saying ‘I’m not available’ and didn’t tell me why I’d be fucking suspicious too and keep asking. But then, my husband wouldn’t do that because we have a healthy marriage.

And as I said, if my DH screamed at me, lied to me, called me a freak and then made out nothing was wrong I’d cry too.

Let’s not blame his, quite frankly, utterly shitty behaviour on his wife.

Who gives a shit about the wedding in all of this!?

his family aren’t freaks like mine!

That's your parents and/or siblings - your kids grandparents and/or aunt/uncle. That's disgraceful and completely unacceptable. And, for me, there would be no coming back from that.

Making the kids lie - irritating and I'd be pissed off as the kids should not have to cover up his fuck up (no matter if they're old enough to understand it's not a 'bad' lie).

But the way he spoke about your family...I could never forgive that.

No one is asking children to lie. They are just being asked not to gossip about someone else’s event

Her pushing for an answer when he didn't want to discuss it in front of her family as he'd been asked to keep a secret.
Pushing and pushing for an answer and then moaning that the kids now have to deal with a secret.
What to say to his sister, either say congratulations or just leave it.
Crying her eyes out.

I think the wedding is irrelevant. He complains about seeing your family to the point that kids copy him. He refers to them as freaks? He screams at you in front of the kids. FUCK THAT.

His mother didn’t need to know. It’s not her wedding The only people who need to know are the bride groom and witnesses. Often parents want to add bells and whistles to weddings which is a reason many couples avoid them where as legally they should marry