Feeling extremely down about SAHM life

With two very young children, I think it is a tough time whether you're working or at home. It is really important you get downtime. does your DH take them on in the evenings or weekends so that you can get a break? Or are you doing the "SAHM is my job but of course my job is therefore 24/7 while he works 37 hours per week and then needs a break?"

If you can go back to work part time and put the DC in nursery, and you think that would help you, go for it. Or put one or both of them for a few hours a week to give yourself a break.

Why don’t the GPs look after them when you want to go to the hairdresser? Why do you have to go back to work to get them to help out?

Does your local shopping centre and hairdressers have late opening times on Thursdays, if so that’s an option for a getting a bit of time to yourself?

Plus make sure you claim some time for yourself at the weekend and don’t get into the trap of doing every bedtime.

I chose to work a couple of evenings and I used my salary to pay for nursery for a few mornings. Is something like this an option for you?

When I was at home with my twin DC pre-nursery, I just had to suck it up and go around looking like Hagrid.
Seriously, though, for stuff like hair, I did it myself or paid someone to come to mine. Medical appts, they had to come with me. When I was in hospital overnight, I had to pay someone to be with them.
It's not ideal, but it doesn't last forever.

Op this also isn't a kind country to mums and babies instead of a help out attitude it's very judgemental.

Op I also massively struggled with one and then two with a decent age gap and I had no family help at all and no money for a nursery if I could have had just one day or one afternoon in the week that would have helped massively.

I'm loving the comments you back to work it's easier 😂😂 and what about the dc? Easier for them in an institutional setting around people at work rather than a parent??
Is this what we are at, it's too hard being a parent so just put them all week into a nursery because work is easier? I know many don't get a choice etc but if you do why have dc?

Op I think a ballance is far easier, a few breaks here and there, also read up about early developments, I wish I had known far more about it when I had mine. I knew a shallow amount but have since done early years courses.
Because that time you feel nothing much is happening but it's hard hard gruelling work, so much is going on for them

I don’t understand the hair thing. Wash your own hair or go to hairdressers when DH is around?

I worked part time, three evenings and all day Saturday doing customer service for a big company. It wasn’t brilliant pay, but no childcare costs and I got to go to the loo on my own!

Or do you have one of these utterly useless husbands who can’t cope with his own children for more than five minutes?

Could you put them both into nursery one day a week now? Or alternate the day so you have one on one time with each child? Even half a day. Is the cost an issue which is why you are looking toward to the free childcare?

I became a sahm when DC1 was a toddler having worked part time. I still kept them in nursery one day a week to be able to blitz the house, food shop and have some me time.

If you can afford it, do it. There is no medal for enduring it when it is very hard and relentless.

Why don’t you work part time? It isn’t all or nothing. What age are you waiting for them to be able to start nursery? Both of mine went before they were a year old. Yes you have to pay but there are various schemes that help with the costs.

How old are they? There's 20 months between my two children, I've been a SAHM for nearly 3 years since my youngest was born. It was difficult getting out with a newborn and toddler but I got used to putting baby in a carrier so I could have my hands free to help my toddler. It gets easier as they get a little older and I do love the small age gap now as they generally get on and play together really well.

Since my eldest was 3 he did 15 hrs at the nursery attached to his primary school (he's now in reception) and youngest is about to start the same nursery so I'll finally have a bit of time for myself during the week. Can your eldest get 15 hrs funded childcare soon?

This isn’t about a hair appointment. @DonutEnvy is in the thick of the most difficult part of parenting and has 2 tiny children taking over her life.

You say it’s hard getting them both out but as it gets warmer and lighter I strongly suggest you do just that and find a routine, activities locally and build a network of people in a similar situation.

I hope going back to work is a success and you can gradually build up to more. It feels endless now but it’s not. Do try and carve some time each day for yourself and a decent chunk of time at least once a week. Lots of women give up their hobbies and social life while the men sacrifice much less. Just keep an eye on keeping it fair.

And we are all different - I honestly loathed the few periods where I didn’t work at all.

Not in any of the jobs I’ve had. Being at home was way easier.

I am a SAHD and found things really difficult at that age too: to varying degrees they are both capable of causing chaos and destruction and need constant supervision because he/she cannot understand or respond to reason.

And then, as an adult, you eventually run out of ideas to stimulate them without going back over the same things or resorting to TV.

On top of that, it's tough because you have little or no adult engagement and can feel your brain turning to mush as your sanity slips away.

It does get better! But please, make sure you have some time to unwind and look after yourself.

I can't say if it applies to SAHMs but I remember reading into the very little research on SAHDs - apparently alcoholism is much more prevalent than in the general population.

Why can’t you get your hair cut on the weekends or evening like us working people?

I’m not saying it’s easy with two DC under 3 but you must have known what you were signing up for as a SAHM. It’s not exactly a secret that you’ll be home alone with tnem
mist of the time.

Why is it too difficult to go out with your DC? Bundle them in a double pram and go to a parent and child group or the
park or the like.

Put your kids in childcare and go back to work, even if it's only part-time.

You can have your hair appointments at the weekend when your DH is free.

Could you afford to join a gym with a crèche?

Do you get DC free time at the weekend and in the evening?

I worked one day a week, it helped a lot, I got to go out, meet people, not be mum for a day. It also gave me that confidence that starts to disappear when you're a sahm, which then helped when I went back full time. I worked on Sunday and left the kids with my husband. If you feel like you're losing yourself make a hair appointment or something to give you a boost, plan around the kids. Now I'm working full-time and kids are older I do miss being a sahm... I know that doesn't help you for now, but it's so hard when you're working, managing the school runs, all the school activities, rushing dinner at the end of the day.

Yes these are excellent questions - many hair dressers have evening or Saturday appointments.

Why isn't DH looking after them for at least a half day at weekends/whatever his days off are so you have time to yourself to go to hairdressers/get a coffee/scream into the void etc?

When your DH is at work then your job is to take care of your DCs.

Evenings and weekends is both of your responsibility and so I would be booking hair appointments etc for then when you don’t have to drag the DCs out with you.

Both of you should have an evening or 2 a week child free to have some time to yourselves.

I dunno I very much think the time when I returned to work was a dynamic shift away from 100% default parent so something much more equitable outside of work hours.
I was used to leaving for work so it was easier to squeeze time for myself because the norm stopped being that I should be available for the kids 100% of the time.

What is stopping you going back to work for more days? I have a similar gap between mine and went back to work 3 days a week (yes the bill was shocking, but it was good to be out the house and keeping my hand in with a job).

YANBU- that age is horrendously hard and having two that close in age is soul destroying.

Do not apologise for feeling this way - it just really is that hard. Look for part time jobs and take offers of family help and see if you’re eligible for free nursery hours - be aware though there may be long waiting lists for places.