Feeling extremely down about SAHM life

Very true, working parents have just as much trouble trying to fit in appointments etc as SAHP. Its all rush rush rush

You’re in no way unreasonable for wanting to go back to work or for wanting more time to yourself, but most working parents don’t have time to go and get their hair done in the week either - when their children are in childcare they’re at work!

I think you'd really benefit from joining some mum and toddler groups. The friends you make are a lifesaver. You can all visit each others houses so everyone has a chance to get out a bit and the kids play together while you have a grown up chat. It made a world of difference to me. Also they'll soon be able to go to playgroup to give you a few spare hours. Or look into a childminder or nursery once a week even if you don't get a job. It'll be time for you. This time will soon pass so hang on.

Why can't you put them in nursery? Children from 9 months get 30 hours from September and your income will help towards the cost. I had 2 under 2 and aside from mat leave I would have really struggled with it every day. It's a slog!

I had 2 under 3 (back to back) and found two days a week was perfect, I'm out the house and my career is still going

17 months between my eldest two and baby/toddler groups were my solace.
I made sure we had something in for each day even if it was a park trip.
Lots of baby groups have a nominal fee do not too expensive and i met some really nice people, one who is still a really good friend now.
We ‘baby proofed’ our garden and did a play section with Astro turf, age appropriate outdoor toys, sand pit etc
Once home on a day that wasn’t raining I would set up activities out there, paint brushes with a pot of water to ‘paint’ the patio, giant chalks, a builders tray that is set up small world things. I used to have a little table out there so I could sit and have a cuppa and they would be happily playing out there.
I found by getting them out each day, even if we didn’t go far, meant that the afternoons were easier but it is a contestant juggling act especially if your partner works long hours each day. I used to make sure I would shower before he left for work, or when he got back.
I think it’s normal to feel slightly overwhelmed and exhausted, your win the thick of it at the moment, sending hugs

I know the feeling. Stay at home mom also to two under 3 and it’s so tiring. I love them to pieces but craving rest and alone time.

You can forget hair appointments at this stage

😂

Just take them to a fenced park, every day, with a massive picnic

But this response doesn’t explain why you seem to automatically be the default parent?

What is the reason that you don’t go to work and your dh be the sahp? Actually, he could tie the two in together with caring for his parents so it would work in that regard.

Huge hugs OP. It does get better. You’re in the thick of it atm - the hardest ages and oh so tiring.
Do you want/need to work or is it more tgat you’re looking for some respite? If you mainly want some child-free time, could the grandparents not commit to a a few hours a couple of times per week (or even once per week) so that you can rest, run errands, get out fir a walk alone etc? Would putting them in nursery for a half day be feasible?
If not, I’d try to build in some time in evenings or weekends to have a proper break. Book it in with your husband like a work meeting so he knows he’s got the kids and you’ll be out doing x. Xx

I had 19m between my two. It's relentless, especially with no family help. I put mine in daycare 3d and went back to work when the younger one was 13m mostly just to get a break (but also to keep my career going).

For me it got significantly easier when the younger one turned 2 and started to listen to instructions more. At 2 1/2 the younger one is now toilet training, getting herself dressed some days, we're taking child locks off cupboards -- it feels like a world away from a year ago. Just do what you need to get through the tough part.

Being a SAHM can be difficult, depending on the circumstances. High energy kids can certainly make it harder. But what I'm hearing you say is that your husband gives as much help as he can, but it's not a lot of help because his parents are elderly and he has to spend a lot of his spare time doing things like taking them to appointments. I think that in this case, then he needs to be willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure some of the family resources are dedicated to YOUR needs. Why is his spare time being spent on his parents appointments while you struggle to figure out how to get to your own dentist appointments? His parents are being prioritized over his wife (you) in how the family resources are being distributed.

Just to give you another viewpoint, I know several families with stay-at-home dads (SAHDs). In each of those families, either a babysitter was hired or the children were in part-time childcare so that the dad could have a weekday off each week.

Isn't that interesting? When it's a SAHD who is at home with the children, there's an awareness that he needs some amount of daytime free of childcare obligations. Whether that's to go hiking (what one of the dads would do with his day off) or to go to the dentist.

I don't see any reason you can't do this. It doesn't have to be your in-laws doing the babysitting. If your husband acknowledges that you are an important part of the family and your wellbeing is important, then you could hire a babysitter for one day per week so you could go to the dentist, or even get (shock!) a haircut.

It will absolutely pass. As they get more independent they'll pay with each other a bit more and give you some breathing room.
Yous till need to run those energetic boys like puppies though

Be kind to yourself. It does get easier, the challenge changes, and it is relentless right now (you're not alone, it's like that for all of use)

Surviving is fine :)

I personally would bank that GP time for you time and date night's and not for work cover if they won't help more. (Not that GP help is a given).

I have no help and work full time and did nursery thing. I had to work for financial reasons, and to feel like myself.

This is just a season. You can change it though. You don't have to be a SAHM just because you are now. And with the 15 free hours or 30 free hours you can get more help and work more and get more balance than you have now.

Husband/partner needs to parent to let you have self care even if that a one of wash/head massage every so often.

Communicate your needs. You are not a bad mum or partner or person for finding this hard. If you need it to change, change it. :)
You got this x

You are only responding to that one poster. wht aout all the others who are asking you if your DH ever takes them so you can get some downtimes? Or suggesting options to make life a bit easier?

You have as much right to work as your husband does, and he has as much responsibility for the care of your children as you do. You have fallen into the trap of seeing him as the default worker and you as the default child carer and that it's your place to fit your work around childcare, when thats for both of you to do. Sit down with him and tell him what you want to do in terms of paid work and together come up with a way to make that happen. You don't need to come up with the solution by yourself, they're his children too.

It's the hardest time. But it really won't last forever. Try to create structure to your days. I used to take DC out twice a day every day, just so we didn't get stir crazy, to keep the house reasonably tidy and to get some company. Once every day was a planned event - soft play, church playgroup, mums and toddlers coffee morning, toddler music or tumbletots. And once a day doing our own thing - going to the park, to the supermarket, city farm, or just for a ride on a train or bus to see the world. It might sound tiring, but once you have a bag packed for any emergency and a few snacks, it's way less stressful that being stuck at home trying to keep them occupied.

Then they watched tv while I made tea. After tea we'd play then both and bed.

Keep adult dinners very easy: traybakes, pasta with simple sauce, the occasional healthy-ish ready meal, straight from the freezer.

Tell DH you need a few hours each week or you'll go insane. Get him to look after them for a 4 hour block of time every weekend while you get hair done, go to the gym, see child-free friends, go shopping, update your CV or lie somewhere sunny and read.

Soon they'll both be at nursery and you can go back to work.

Get a grip! When I had my third child, my first was 3 years and 7 weeks old. I didn’t have the luxury of help from relatives either. But you get through it. I used to take the kids to my dentist and doctor appointments, a mobile hairdresser visited me. We didn’t have online food shopping either so did that when the oldest went to playgroup. I also worked at Tesco 3 evenings a week and Sundays. Yes it is overwhelming and very hard work but I wouldn’t have done it differently.

Would your in-laws not have them for an hour while you go to your hair appointment?

So this is a issue where your not a confident parent then?
Do some online parenting classes, or in person evening parenting classes.
And start taking your kids to the park etc; it's really not hard - I had 3 under 4 was a single mum with no family help at all do you think me and others like me just wallowed in misery?

OP there are mobile hairdressers who will come to your house.

Being a SAHM to 2 little ones is hard work. You need to have a routine - breakfast, washing dressing and out for a walk (park, woods etc) or toddler groups where you can meet up with other mums. Home for lunch, play time (get them out in the garden if the weather is dry) then nap time. Bit of tv or play while you make dinner, have dinner then start to wind down for the day. I always let mine have a long time playing and splashing about in the bath with their toys, then pj's, drinks, teeth brushing and cuddle up in bed with stories. If you can get them to bed by 7/7.30 you can have a few hours to yourself in the evening.

If you can make a couple of mum friends you can meet up with or have round for coffee it makes such a difference to have some adult company and conversation. Those mum friends were my saviours during those early years! Having a night out every couple of months helped too.