Toddler dad picking up and touching other people's kids at playgroups

It’s very worrying that this is the reaction to someone raising a currently mild concern about the behaviour of a man who is not observing normal boundaries around children.

She’s not making accusations but has seen behaviour that is not quite right. I imagine her plan would be not to say anything but just keep a close eye which I think is entirely correct.

Grooming of children and parents to gradually accept unacceptable behaviour is a thing. I’m not suggesting this guy is grooming but he could be. We owe it to kids to do everything we can to protect them.

He PATTED A CHILD ON THE BACK?!?!

How have you not called the police already?!?!

They'll be happy they closed down your concern.

Report to the nursery anyway OP. You've got nothing to lose. You may just protect a child.

Not reporting achieves nothing.

Telling them to 'fuck off' is ok in your world?

Ok.

1 in 20 children will be sexually abused in Britain (NSPCC: conservative estimation).
Everyone needs to be hypervigilant and speak out about any unusual behaviour. It's the only way to curb the infiltration of paeodphiles in public settings.

Never be shamed into not protecting children by people that seek to protect paedophiles.
There are plenty of protectors everywhere, especially on mumsnet I've noticed: seeking to ridicule and close down women who are trying to protect children.

Protecting children is far more important than protecting a man's right to touch children for no good reason in public settings.

OP. talk to the nursery.

Now that people are disagreeing with you, patting has become stroking.

Not every woman who has a “concern” about something has to be treated like a delicate snowflake

Why are you trying to ridicule and close down women who have concerns about men acting unusually around children?

Yes indeed.my MIL is Indian and once I took her to visit my daughter's nursery. She absolutely loves little children and was going round patting them on the head and stroking their cheeks. Perfectly natural for her and the toddlers reacted very positively. Children like physical affection. Imagine a child at nursery eight hours a day, five days a week, who is never touched. I wanted my children to be cuddled and treated affectionately whilst at nursery. I wasn't there to cuddle them but I wanted someone to. It's very comforting for them.

I do wonder about this. People can be so hyper vigilant that are children growing up seeing all strangers as a threat? And it’s a shame, social interactions in day to day life are getting less (online shopping/self service/ online banking etc) that is it any wonder some young adults seem entirely unprepared for working life where you have to interact and work with strangers/people outside your social group and comfort zone.

And going back to the thread- aren’t most child abusers known to the child and family. Not some random father giving your kid a leg up on the climbing frame.

When I lived in the middle east it was totally normal for someone to pat your kid on the head, or given them a cheek wiggle. It was actually a really nice environment for kids because people weren’t weird about being nice to children. I’m asian and people tend to be a bit more relaxed about this kind of thing, it’s just part of being in a community really. DD got chucked around by her sports coaches all the time, her best friend had an attachment to the admin guy at one class and used to run to him for cuddles when she was upset, this guy was in no way inappropriate or strange (his own kid was in the same class) he was a proper lovely dad, it would have been sad to think anyone thought he was a weirdo.

I think it's odd. I don't randomly touch other people, toddlers, children or adults. The one time I tried to help a small kid who'd fallen over, proper thwacked on the playground, the mum gave me a right filthy look. Not that she rushed over mine!

Fuck off. 😂🤣. This is unreal.

Can you provide some evidence of your theory as the crime stats absolutely don’t back that up.

Actually with sexual . . . . abuse of small children it's actually about 50/50

Actually, this is HORSE SHIT.

OP complain to the nursery. The touching could increase. He may be attempting to normalise it with these small regular touches first. This man may be in the vicinity of this same group of children for the next 6/7 years if they all go to primary school in the same age cohort.
Grooming is REAL.

Some people (yes even some men) just love kids in an entirely innocent way. We have a male friend who's so good with little kids. Of course playing with toddlers involves some touch. I really can't imagine not touching other toddlers if I spend an afternoon with them. When mine were little I'd often have a friend's child on my lap and vice versa. It's perfectly normal.
Touch is good for kids. It would be a horrible world if we were all terrified to touch a toddler.

Oh you're one of "those". There is nothing nicer than a Dad parent that helps out with the kids at playgroup. The children usually love it.

I think this is indicative of how society is even at our church male or female safe guarding rules are no touching without parents permission. No being in a room with children without another adult. It is sad but it is done as much if not more to protect the adult. It is something my husband struggles with as has been used to all his life interacting with children.

@JLou08 No you’re safe, it’s only men that have to prove they are not raging paedo kiddy fiddlers before they so much as smile at a child 🙄

What's the risk profile for fathers taking their toddlers to playgrounds?

I play with other people's children, hope no one thinks I'm weird. I'm a woman so they probably don't.

Isn’t it! What a fucked up cynical neurosis filled world we live in.

This - unless my child seeks out physical touch from you/ is hurt/ needs help there is zero need for anyone to be touching my child.

I'd also say op that if your gut tells you something is off or gives you the ick listen to it.

Honestly if it was a mum would this bother you? Because this all seems like fairly standard behaviour.

there was a dad at our old playgroup who was very active in playing with other kids. None of us had any concerns. Honestly I’d rather a dad be like this than sat in his phone ignoring his kid which is what I see mostly from both mums and dads at these groups