Toddler dad picking up and touching other people's kids at playgroups

If a strange man that I didn't know placed his hand on my back as I was busy (packing my shopping for example or standing on a tube train) I would find that highly unusual and I would be quite disturbed by it and probably tell them to get their hands the fuck off me.

Why is an unknown man allowed to touch a child they don't know in this way?

It's really sad that the depraved few have made these interactions so suspect, as we're a social species and there's alot of good from finding kind gestures in strangers.

I have a 19 month old and he has these micro interactions frequently at playgroup (where parents are all with the kids) or in toddler classes, where he'll back up into someone and they'll touch his head with a smile etc, it's almost a reflex of people with young children. At soft play the other day I must have handled three other kids, crying with no parents around stuck in various places and it was no problem, probably because I'm a woman. My husband took a turn following our toddler around and he had to think twice before helping a few though he did. It's a sad state of affairs.

Well lucky I didn't do that then 🙄

Reminds me of a thread on here some months ago where a poster had mentioned their nephew working in a nursery and roughly 80% of the replies were talking about it being weird because he was a man and the only reason a man would work in a nursery is so that he had access to children.

What goes through some peoples heads that any man is instantly peado?

Possibly because he wasn't behaving unusually?

Clearly, anyone who commits child abuse is a bad guy. Treating all men as abusers, and ensuring that men never physically interact with children is not, many would argue, a healthy way for children to be raised.

Except nowhere have i said I do that, but sure, make the victims of child abuse the bad guys, not the men who commit the abuse. I despair.

You could eliminate the possibility of your child being hit by a car by never letting them set foot on a pavement or anywhere that vehicles might be found. In the long term, would that make the child less or more safe?

I often interact with other peoples children in public; they always initiate the interaction and I don't think I've ever needed to touch one of them, outside of an emergency.

Is there a reason why we should want to recruit men into caring for young children specifically? How do we mitigate the additional risk to children they present?

Touching random children in public for no apparent reason is not observing normal boundaries around children, especially for a man.

I’m just sad that so many people are vilifying OP for flagging a potential safeguarding issue. This is exactly the behaviour that paedophiles rely on. I’m not saying that this guy is a paedophile by any means but shaming women who are raising a potential red flag is only going to enable harm to children.

Shabbysock · Yesterday 19:55
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I think he's a brave man because he will get reactions like this, but I wish it was different and men (anyone actually) were allowed to interact with children in public.

This. No wonder it’s so difficult to recruit men into childcare and primary teaching.
Likes kids - must be a pervert.

Yes you did, you suggested i don't let any adult talk to or touch my child, made up rubbish. I'd love to hear how trusting random strangers make children safer? It didn't make me safe when everyone turned a blind eye, unsurprisingly.

Yes, sadly is the way it has gone. I wonder if there's any way of turning it around or is it too late?

I didn't make anything up.🙄🙄🙄

Has nothing to do with it being'inconvenient for men to have people like you around'

You're not actually making children any safer.

But I think we should drop this conversation because it's going nowhere

I make children less safe?! Unbelievable.

I think its sad that everyone is scared of each other nowdays. I know the risks, but people are scared ot interact or intervene or even have normal conversations and interactions for fear of others or fear of being accused.
You can't tell who has sinister intentions but you can have a rationable response to interactions.
He tapped my daughter on the back and touched her hat does not equal, is therefore a paedophile or child murderer. It doesnt equate.

I think this needs saying time and time again. I don't think it can be said often enough. !!

Where did I say I do that? Stop making things up.Yes Im sure its very inconvenient for men that adults like me exist, poor them, my heart bleeds, but my concern is with children being safe. My point was purely about people like you blaming innocent people for being aware child abusers exist, rather than blaming child abusers for the impact they have on society.

I agree, that article does jump around all over the place, it also isn't a very broad analysis of research. Which is why I said "at least" 80%. I also agree with most of the rest of your post regarding access, co- abuse etc.

The idea that any child is almost 100% safe from sexual abuse by women isn't quite true, just look at the Catholic Church, where it would be 95% safe.

Exactly!!

Your DS2 sounds lovely and he and his wife sound brilliant, I'm glad you DGS is getting such a balanced upbringing.

One of my friends worked at a daycare, they employed a lovely young lad who the kids thought was great, he was good at playing with them, he was brilliant at story time & he was a good worker that mucked in with all crap jobs that needed doing around the place you couldn't want for a better employee, but the parents just made everything difficult and in the end he left and started working in construction... not his bag at all, but less emotionally draining.

Yes, it's swooned over and encouraged in other parts of Europe but in the UK, it's seen as a paedophile on every restaurant table or at every toddler group with their own child.

It is very sad indeed. Ordinary men that aren't to risk wanting to interact with young children and young children wanting to interact with them should be a lovely thing and should be encouraged not seen as 'odd'

I'm sorry, you were abused as a child.

yes, of course paedophiles make the world a worse place, but that doesn't mean you need to be suspicious of every adult that interacts with a child in a very ordinary way. It doesn't mean you need to deprive your child of interaction with other people in their community and to feel happy with others.

Insisting no other adult can talk to or touch your child just makes your child's world much much smaller, unnecessarily so.

And just to be clear, I accept that you may have meant 'people with your opinion' I didn't actually mention you specifically at all.

You may think this is random but an experience I had about 10 years ago when I was about 62. I am female and was walking my dog in the only green area in this particular town centre. There was always a lot of younger people in the vicinity - teenagers and some of the groups were horrible (not all). This particlar group of males - about 11 or 12 of them aged between I would say 14 - 17, were messing about chucking rubbish, some were drinking - I ignored them until they started throwing bottles and cans at the ducks and couple of swans in the lake. I remonstrated with them and one threatened to throw me in the lake. I told hime to try it and got more abuse. One of the group told me to go home and I responded I wouldn't and he said he was trying to help me by suggesting this. I told him only way to help me was to stop torturing the ducks/swans. The first one then came at me with "You fucking paedo" I was absolutely shocked and fuming and said "Do you even know what a Paedophile is - go and ring the Police and report me". They didn't of course and gradually left the area after a couple more insults (not Paedo again). Can you imagine how I felt - what if someone walking by had heard, would people have rounded on me. Yes there are some awful men out there and I am suspicious of a lot of them through past experience and the alarming numbers of men with the most awful child pornography who sometimes just get a slap on the wrist when they should be jailed for at least 5 yrs, because why would anyone want to loook at those vile images. Men or women need to step up and call out other men (mostly men but not always) who do this or make sexual comments about any other person age irrelevant and report them if they do have child images on their phone and they are aware of this. But please be careful who you tar with that brush. What would I have done had those horrible oinks, accused me of touching them and got the Police. They were 11 or 12 in number I was 1.