Toddler dad picking up and touching other people's kids at playgroups

I work with young children and we don't have direct access to our outdoor space, so we walk in a train across a courtyard area, passing a medical centre, newsagents and a couple of other business premises, obviously passing people coming in or out of the buildings. I have noted the way people react to us and have found it to be very consistent.

Young women mostly ignore us, might side eye us but keep going, same with teens. Women about 30 plus tend to smile at us maybe wave and say hello. Over 50, they usually interact or wave and smile but rarely just blank us. Young men and teens react much the same as women their age. Older men, 60+ interact a lot, sometimes stopping for a chat. But the stark difference is men aged 25 to 60 approx, they never interact, they avoid looking at the children, at most there is a side glance or a little inward smile. Some cross over to avoid walking close by. It's tragic to see, and I find it troubling that this is what children think of men, hostile aloof creatures who don't like them. Especially children who don't have male role models in their lives. It makes me sad that however well intentioned it was, we have created a society of fear and the biggest losers will be children of the next generation.

Have you got any stats on the proportion of male teachers/nursery workers who are sex offenders vs female workers? There may be some limited benefits ti some specific children from employing males but at what cost?

seems like a nice person.

I was once out for an evening bike ride with a group of male colleagues when we encountered a toddler walking down the road in his own. He'd clearly escaped from home and was headed off on a mission.

Colleagues looked at me in panic and full expectation that I would take charge as the only female and return the kid home because they couldn't possibly do it.

I found it very sad that these perfectly decent men were terrified of talking to a lost child and returning him home because they'd potentially be accused of something horrible.

It's also horrible that men can't be friendly or affectionate to kids without raising suspicion. If your gut tells you something's not right then absolutely, act accordingly, but suspecting someone because they're a bit tactile is awful.

You are correct on all counts and you are also right that it is very sad.

Because men not being repeatedly told not to interact with children that aren't theirs so the natural change will be that men are not looking out for other people's children in danger, already they won't all help them if they have fallen over and hurt themselves or if they're upset because of the fear of being judged.

No, you're not being told that you are a danger to children. You are misreading everything that is being said.& contradicting yourself? I'm not carrying on with this conversation.

This is not borne out by research in any way. Why don’t you just start a podcast if you want to pull ‘facts’ from out of the rear section of your ‘no-no square’?

I once knew a single childless man in the street i grow up on that always had kids in his house.
He was not a perv he was a foster carer and he loved his job.
It started with him baby sitting for a mate at very short notice out the blue and he just loved it.
So went through all what he had to and become a foster dad.
He adopted 3 kids as well.
He was well known in the area big burly man with a huge heart.
But we did laugh when we saw him shopping once two trollys a time piled right up.
He got rid of his car and got a mini bus.
But he just loved it all the drama the school runs the holidays partys etc.
I think he`s retired now.
But men can do these jobs not so much now because most get blamed or called strange.

Stop making stuff up.

Because of the mothers lifestyle?! Interesting framing. What does that mean?

Absolutely bang on 👆

For many children whose lives are devoid of any male influence because of the mother's lifestyle, school is one of the few places where they can interact with men. I know there have been instances where men in schools have behaved appallingly, as in all walks of life, but they are a very small minority, the vast majority are decent, hard-working men who provide good role models, especially for boys.

Some men are just magnets for little kids - my own dad was one. And he loved babies and tiny kids.

He worked as a college lecturer that had a nursery on-site for staff and students kids. And when they needed someone to help with evacuating the babies in the case of a fire alarm/emergency. Someone with kid experience, and strong and confident enough to manage a baby in each arm... My dad was happy to volunteer. I remember him saying at the time, he couldn't understand why the other men on the staff didn't volunteer, as most of them were dads themselves.

This sort of "adult male dared to touch my child" hatred is just a horrible attitude to go around with. You wouldn't have even blinked if it had been a woman.

Of course it’s a shame that men must avoid all contact with children for fear of being branded a paedophile. It’s a ridiculous state of affairs.

Imo, a man touching random strange children unnecessarily IS weird.

I made a previous comment that good guys who understand child safeguarding take care not to do anything that could be misconstrued. You might say that it’s a shame they have to do that but let’s blame the paedophiles for that, not the women looking out for the safety of kids.

Why would men not look out for children just because child abusers exist and society is aware of that fact? Are we all meant to pretend they don't exist for some reason?

I don't want to argue either but being told I'm a danger to children, just because I was abused and that means I prioritise child safety over men's feelings, is the most sickening, hurtful thing I've ever been told by someone on here, so yes, I am upset by that.

OP doesn’t just say she’s keeping an eye on things. She describes the man’s behaviour as weird, twice. Not friendly, or good-natured, or fatherly, but weird. She’s very obviously implying that he’s up to no good.

The trouble is, as he is male, he is statistically a greater risk to children than a female. Obviously not all men are a risk but we can’t predict which ones will be so we need to be vigilant of all. We have to be able to discuss this without being accused of being a ‘danger to society’ as one pp suggested.

Most normal men understand this and tend to ensure that their actions could never be construed as being creepy or inappropriate to make it clear they are not a bad guy. This guy obviously didn’t get the memo.

Yes, we keep an eye on things.

Which is what OP was doing but is getting vilified for and told she is a danger to society for doing so. That is not going to be good for child safeguarding in general.

No woman I know would place their hand on the back of a child they didn't know that was just randomly playing in a play park.

I wouldn't either.

It's a really creepy thing to do.

Just came on to say the EXACT thing! The poor bloke.

We keep an eye on things, of course. What do they do in other countries where it’s considered normal for men to be more hands-on with children? Or do we just assume that we’re right, and everyone else is wrong?

Because having half the adult population, not looking out for our children makes them less safe. The vast majority of abuse and children is from people known to them not a friendly stranger at a toddler group.

No, I didn't say YOU don't let any adult to or touch your child.

this is all, understandably, touching a nerve for you and I don't wish to argue with you. I'm very, very sorry for what happened to you as a child. What boundaries you have for your children are up to you it doesn't mean I have to agree that it's a good thing or makes children safer, but as I have said several times now, I really don't want to argue with you.

And how do we tell the difference between these bad guys and the good guys before they do too much harm?

How does asking a question about behaviour and boundaries around children relating to the group of people statistically most likely to sexually abuse make her a ‘danger to society’ exactly?

I’d say that vilifying that woman (even if her suspicions may be unfounded in that specific case) is the dangerous action. Paedophiles rely on whistleblowers being silenced.