Toddler dad picking up and touching other people's kids at playgroups

It isn't because she didn't like you touching him, it's because you interrupted her conversation to make her look after her own kid, and, by implication, made it clear what a crap mother she is 🙂. What sort of mother doesn't comfort her child when he's hurt?

A consensus of various internet sources and discussions. Where are you getting yours?

You still haven’t answered my question though :-)

Public Park, Playgroups, Softplay, parents should be watching their own kids, even if it’s from a distance.

I do feel for men who feel they need to be so careful all of the time but as long as parents are watching their own kids, it really shouldn’t be an issue that someone is interacting with them.

If parents watched their kids, even us Mums wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable helping a child who needs a little help because their parent(s) think it’s a break for them and leave them to it.

Where are you getting this definition from?

Im very much like this with children (within reason). But because of this era's madness, I sometimes feel awkward about it. Sad really :(

Really? Where's the evidence?

OP has probably left this thread but I find it creepy. A lot of you seem very naive into how common pedophiles are. Even if not one this man definitely lacks boundaries.

A simple ‘majority’ is from 51% up.

A ‘vast majority’ is 75% and upwards so that’s the word I used.

An ‘overwhelming majority’ is “a lot more than” 50% so ‘vast majority’ and ‘overwhelming majority’ are effectively the same thing. I can call it an ‘overwhelming majority’ if you prefer?

You seem to have got so distracted by the finer definitions around ‘majority’ that you haven’t answered my question and started making up things I haven’t said. Any thoughts?

This. I agree OP- for whatever reason it's triggered your spidey senses- I'd keep an eye on him too!

A vast majority of something is usually taken to mean an overwhelming majority. Otherwise, why not just say a majority? 25% is a very significant proportion of something, not such a small amount as to be unimportant or irrelevant.

I think you’ll find that 75% IS the vast majority 🤷‍♀️.

What assumptions am I making?

1 in 4 families are headed by a single parent. 75% is not the vast majority. Even if, as you suggest, most children spend at least some time with their fathers, it is not a given that all these men are quality fathers and good role models. It seems that you are also making a lot of assumptions about men.

Maybe you should look at the level of child protection and sexual exploitation issues there are in Thailand before you hold them up as a great example of how we should behave? UNICEF are concerned about them.

What ‘agenda’ do I have?

The vast majority of children live with both parents and of the children who live with one parent, their father will generally still play an active role in their lives. That leaves quite a small minority of children who are missing a father figure who provides a good role model and the male input that is good for children.

What are the ‘significant benefits’ you are referring to?

Do you have evidence that male nursery staff or teachers are recruited specifically to possess those qualities? It seems like you’re making a lot of assumptions about the behaviour and attitude of these men.

People can be strange. I returned a toddler to 2 women who had gone into a shop and they didn't look to see if he was following. He nearly fell down an escalator. Not a word of thanks just angry looks.

Worlds gone mad, everyone is offended and dare not talk to any one, anxiety is raging. Poor kids now no one dare interact with them. Probably your mind that's polluted not his.

This country is so weird about things like this ! Similar to how people have issues with men working in childcare

other countries (Thailand for example) everyone picks up your kid and helps you - men and woman! I ate all my meals in peace and quiet as my baby was usually being entertained by staff at the place

Nope you are the odd one.

keep alert yes, demonise avuncular silly men, no.

Trust your instinct.

I get what you mean. Although i think there’s nothing sinister in this dads actions, I wouldn’t want someone I don’t know touching my toddler, even to put her on a chair or pat her back. Of course different if you know the dad/are friends but a random person, definitely not! I wouldn’t want a random mum either doing this and I wouldn’t to another child. All the comments saying “this is why dads are scared to do blah blah” are missing the point. If some people aren’t happy with you touching their toddler, then you must respect people’s boundaries!

Whatever the split is - women are still capable of violating children. Even if the split is leaning more toward men that doesn’t mean we should look at every man who is just trying to be a good father figure as a predator.

Look at everyone equally and judge their actions without bias.

“There may be some limited benefits to specific children”. There are undoubtedly significant benefits to a great many children. Why downplay it, other than to suit your own agenda?

We often hear that as a justification, but have you got any stats on the proportion of male teachers/nursery workers who are sex offenders vs female workers?

There may be some limited benefits to some specific children from employing males but at what cost?

Btw, I don’t know what the stats are but as men are a tiny proportion of nursery staff, a quick google raises a concerning number of male sex offenders who abused young children in their care. Then we could add in the scout leaders, priests, football coaches etc who also abused children.

Are there better ways of providing those important male role models for the relatively small number of children lacking them without significantly increasing the risk of harm for all?

Anyone watched Adolescence? Boys need role models that include decent men behaving well to their wife and children. They are not always getting that. There are too few opportunities for boys to interact with normal men because any male that tries is promptly accused of being a paedophile.

Yes patting a baby's back is an odd thing to do but OP has been watching and the worst thing she's seen since is lifting a child onto a chair and adjusting a hat. Maybe the pat was because he wasnt looking and thought it was his own child, maybe he actually was trying to direct the child away from where he was sitting - to immediately leap to paedophile is paranoid. Such behaviour means decent men are less likely to get involved in running activities for children, activities that keep them away from predators.

I was constantly vigilant for my own child, even with friends I'd known for years or family members. But I wouldnt suspect someone for once patting a toddler's back.

BraveSirRobinRanaway · Yesterday 12:40

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 12:32
Shabbysock · Yesterday 19:55
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I think he's a brave man because he will get reactions like this, but I wish it was different and men (anyone actually) were allowed to interact with children in public.

This. No wonder it’s so difficult to recruit men into childcare and primary teaching.
Likes kids - must be a pervert.

Is there a reason why we should want to recruit men into caring for young children specifically? How do we mitigate the additional risk to children they present?

Because far too many little boys do not have positive male role models in their lives.