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Original poster

Social media is destroying my relationship

57 replies

fortheloveofbooksandchocolate · 20/03/2025 11:02

I’ve been with my boyfriend a few years and we recently had a baby together 5 months ago.
(Before anyone bashes me, I know I have issues and I am addressing them).
I am a very insecure woman. I am uncomfortable with the notion of my partner “liking” other girls photos (to me it’s like he wants to let her her know she looks nice, or that he noticed her)… I won’t explain my reasoning any further, some get it and some don’t).

When we first got together I would see him liking lots of girls photos on Instagram (we met at work so we know some of the same people), specifically girls in their swimwear etc but not always, sometimes just a selfie... It caused a heated discussion and I explained I’m uncomfortable and he said he wouldn’t like it if I was liking men’s photos either so he said he wouldn’t do it again.
I believed him.
I noticed a few times he had done it again, and would ask him why after he said he wouldn’t, and he would first get a bit pissed off at me, then he would remove the like from the photo and say he wouldn’t do it again…
(I know this sounds childish, we are in our 30/40s!! But it’s just unnecessary).
I asked to use his phone for a torch a few months ago to change the baby at night, and as I unlocked his phone, his Instagram was up on a page FULLLLL of semi naked women.
I asked why he was looking at that profile and he said “I don’t know, I was curious and because I’m stupid” and he assured me he would never do it again…
Fast forward to just now and I’m on Instagram, a follow suggestion came up, I don’t know the girl and don’t follow her, but I saw he follows her (a newish follow as his account is fairly new a few years old, and he had hardly followed anyone but now he starts to follow more people - fair enough), so curiously I went to have a look who she is (because as I said… issues🥺) and low and behold he’s liked her photos and the latest one is only from last month but some from two years ago, so he’s obviously scrolled down and liked them.
I’m MORE upset at the fact he has told me time and time again he won’t do it and that he knows it bothers me, he wouldn’t like it if the shoe was on the other foot, etc, and he is still doing it.
I just find it so disrespectful. It’s not hard to NOT press the little heart????? He obviously didn’t think I’d see it, as I don’t actually follow the girl myself… but her profile is public.

He is at work at the moment so I can’t very well confront him yet. Or should I leave it? I’m so angry on the inside, I just feel like he doesn’t consider my feelings and tbh I feel like a massive mug.

No hate please, I know it sounds stupid

[Edit: he is on his phone all the time these days yes never watches any reels I send him anymore, he hardly went on his phone or social media when we first got together. Maybe he’s bored of me]

OP posts:
Original poster
fortheloveofbooksandchocolate · 20/03/2025 11:13

@ExtraOnionsthank you for this, this is exactly it. And annoying I have the mindset of “if you wouldn’t like it done to you, don’t do it to others” so I just can’t understand why he behaves this way

OP posts:
Original poster
fortheloveofbooksandchocolate · 20/03/2025 11:12

I think he must know her as it seems she is from his hometown and she isn’t famous, 400ish followers

OP posts:
Soitis83 · 20/03/2025 11:11

fortheloveofbooksandchocolate · 20/03/2025 11:07

@Soitis83 that’s exactly how it feels and now I’m not sure how to address it. As it’s clearly going to keep happening😒

It will definitely keep happening and in my experience, move on to private messaging if it hasn't already. Men like that need constant satisfaction and they get bored after a while so move on to the next thing. You put your foot down. When a child is doing something they're not meant to, they don't listen to "no don't do that again" they listen to consequences. "If you try to break that toy again I will take it away" and then take it away when they continue to do it.

ExtraOnions · 20/03/2025 11:09

Social Media … toxic cesspool

him “liking” pictures, or, looking at other women’s photos, should be no reflection on you and your attractiveness. The things are all filtered to within an inch of their lives anyway.

However, your partner should be your greatest cheerleader. He should be helping you feel better about yourself .. however, a lot of that is within you. Stop comparing yourself to these people .. they aren’t you.

i don’t think you’ll ever stop him looking (TBH I just looked up “sexy ginger men” .. but he can choose not to “like” if he knows it upsets you. The people whose photos they are, will not even notice him “liking” they are just after numbers = revenue.

Pastelhp · 20/03/2025 11:08

While it wouldn’t bother me specifically, if you’ve explained how it makes you feel and he’s continued to do it (and lie about it) that would be a big no from me.

Original poster
fortheloveofbooksandchocolate · 20/03/2025 11:07

@Soitis83 that’s exactly how it feels and now I’m not sure how to address it. As it’s clearly going to keep happening😒

OP posts:
Soitis83 · 20/03/2025 11:05

Yeah I wouldn't like this either. You have to realise he's telling you what you want to hear to stop the argument but 1) doesn't think what he's doing is actually bad and 2)doesn't respect you and your boundaries.