Social media is destroying my relationship

Well he’s right when he says there’s no relationship if there’s no trust. But he clearly has no intention of stopping perving over random women on SM.

I would just dump him but I am old and cynical.

I agree. You will never stop a man appreciating a fine looking woman (why would you want to?) Similarly women like to look at fine looking men. It's nature.
But "liking" them seems a bit juvenile and unncessary to me especially as OP doesn't like it. It's one thing looking but liking just seems odd.
BTW Find any sexy ginger men ??!!

OP, ffs stop blaming yourself for being "insecure". It is within your right not to like what he is doing - a lot of women would not tolerate it, I would not tolerate it. Because, believe me, there is more to it than meets the eye. He likes their photo to get their attention, he probably writes to them, too. Who knows what else is going on there.

No amount of talking and explaining will change his behaviour. He knows you blame yourself. He knows what he is doing. He likes the way things are now. He doesn't care about you being upset. He knows you will whine, cry, but would not leave.

You can either accept it, or leave him. Dont degrade yourself by blaming your insecurity and then trying to "explain" stuff to someone who knows perfectly well that what he is doing is not on.

This. Stop apologising for why it bothers you and why you feel like you need to check

It bothers you because it’s rude, it’s him choosing to spend time looking at and interacting with random half dressed women instead of time with you, and you’ve told him how it makes you feel and he’s still doing it.

Tell him it’s either the pictures or you.

You're not insecure. He's just a disrespectful twat.

The problem is OP you've addressed this over and over, he says what you want to hear and then starts doing it again anyway. Why would you think anything will change this time? You have to make a choice IMO, you either decide to put up with it or you end the relationship. Anything else is just going to leave you unhappy IMO.

A 40-year old man with social media activity? This is beyond normal. He needs to address that.

You're only 5 mo pp, of course you have other priorities than make up and nice clothes. It's also really hard to be wanting sex when you care for a baby 24/7 and your body is on demand. It would make me feel even more insecure to know he's looking at semi naked girls on sm too.

More fool you. He’s been doing it from day one, you’ve had a baby with him and chose him as the father, he’s still doing it and what exactly do you think will make him change? He’s going to keep doing that, not going to stop and you know that.

I would not put up with this at all. My husband liked a few girls photos at the start of our relationship and I told him I am not putting up with it.

Of course some people are okay with this, and that's okay, - everyone has their own boundaries etc.

However, you need to explain to him seriously this is something you find disrespectful and if he doesn't quit, kick him out for a few nights / punish him for it to show you are serious about this issue.

Sounds extreme doesn't it?

Well, with men if you keep accepting these things they think oh okay, I got away with it...and they carry on or it progresses into sending DMs , flirting etc.

Also, you do not have trust issues, if he argues, just show him this post - he's not a teenager and needs to grow up and respect the woman who birthed his child x

I’m not sure I would even bother mentioning it to him to be honest. You’ve told him this is a hard limit for you, he agrees to not do it, he’s done it anyway multiple times, another chat isn’t going to suddenly change that, so I’d either stick by my word & leave the relationship OR accept that it’s something I’m going to have to put up with if I stay.

Personally I can’t be arsed with people who go back on their word & lie, it is a hard line for me.

He keeps doing it because you don't mind him doing so...

And before I get jumped on you say
I’ve been with my boyfriend a few years

Yet you've asked him so many times to stop, which he does for a blip of time then reverts back and still he continues to this day.

So you're answer to him continuously looking at other half dressed or otherwise girls when he knows you dislike it so much and rightly so may I add, isn't to dump him

Instead....

we recently had a baby together 5 months ago.

What makes you think he's ever going to take you seriously if you're happy to have a DC with him while he's doing something that you keep telling him is upsetting you so much?

You have asked how to "tackle" or "address" this issue.
By which you mean get him to stop, get him to change his behaviour.

But you can't change him. There is nothing you can do to make him stop.
You have to realise this.

So your choices are:
Decide you will ignore the behaviour
or
Leave him.

Having yet another discussion or argument to try and get him to change is a waste of time and energy.

Please don't talk about "letting yourself go" and not wearing makeup or wear nice things. Those are not the things that make you attractive. You've just grown and birthed and are feeding your and his baby. That's amazing. Birth takes a lot and you're still recovering.

If he says you need to look great to keep him interested then he doesn't care about you. That's no way to be a partner or parent. He should be proud of you for being a mother. For being supportive of him and others. For your own achievements as a lovely person.

As you say it's one thing to admire someone's picture but it's another to like it. It's like catcalling or being beeped at in the street because a man feels he must let you know that he finds you attractive.

Overall he should respect you and stop doing it because you've asked him to.

Social media is not the thing ruining your relationship. Your partner is.
A man with discipline would clean up his SM and practise good online etiquette when he meets the woman he wants to be with.

This one has no respect for you or your relationship, so you will forever be reprimanding him like a child. Now you have two children.

I think when you've spent years discussing the same issue, you have to decide - am I going to leave and be at peace, or stay and make peace with the fact that this man will never offer me a sense of security; but this is where I'm choosing to be.

That's much more than many men get when single. As I'm sure he knows.

Your baby is only a few months old. If he truly does feel entitled to more sex than this - despite doing nothing to make you feel desired and emotionally secure - then it's a sign he doesn't respect you as a person. He just thinks it's the duty of any 'girlfriend' to provide him with sex on tap. Preferably while prettied up in just the way he likes it.

Most men with a five month old would be too knackered to have sex top of mind in this way. So I'm going to go ahead and guess he's not pulling his weight with the baby either.

It's not social media ruining your relationship. It's your boyfriend ruining your relationship.

Once you reframe that thinking properly and put blame on person at fault, rather than some unreachable entity, you will get quite some clarity about where you stand and what the solution is there.

This isn't going to change. It wouldn't bother me, but it clearly bothers you, so you can either accept that this is something he does, or walk away.

Btw, this is not a boundary. A boundary is something you set for yourself, e.g. you liking pictures on Instagram upsets me so if you do that I will leave. It's not "you have to stop liking pictures on Instagram."

He doesn't want you to look good because he's constantly perving on other women and assumes all men are like him, and therefore wants you to be unattractive to other men.
This could quickly escalate to him becoming controlling (you said he moans even if your bra strap is showing).

I really wouldn't like this even if he was just looking and not Liking.

I would hate a disengaged partner who only looks at his phone regardless of what he was looking at. Boring.

Liking photos on instagram is totally fine, if say, the photo is your female friend out to dinner with her family or winning an award at work. Liking photos of randoms half-naked is grim 16 year old boy behaviour. How embarrassing! I personally don’t have issues with porn, for example, in the sense that 98% of men watch it and I’m not going to get worked up about that. But social media is all about sharing with friends and family what you do online. No one’s auntie or their friend from Y9 they keep in touch with needs to get hints of their porn preferences. It’s just icky and juvenile.

You're not happy and you can't trust him. I'd rather be alone than have my head filled with this rubbish 24/7.

Whose picture did he like, why did he like it, how does he know her, how half-naked is she, what is he thinking, why does he have to like not just look, why won't he care how much it upsets me . . .

I'm sorry, OP, but my self-respect just couldn't take it. You have a months-old baby who should be both your main focus. Not this teenage nonsense.

Was there lots of sex pre-baby? TTC, obviously!

Now, not so much? Maybe none? You’re busy with baby.

He just needs to scratch the itch, maybe?

Not saying it’s okay, but men can be quite basic…