To get frustrated at family staying and using my home like they own it?

would they chip in for a cleaner? Hire a cook, buy LETS COOK for a week? Could you stick some In a Garden room?

I spend my whole time babysitting, finding things that people need, cleaning constantly, doing dishes, finding my washing machine/tumble on the go, tripping over muddy shoes left everywhere (and I mean anywhere), problem solving while the adults gets social and drunk and the kids run wild. My family are extremely forthright and will openly call me uptight

They sound fucking awful.

What are the family dynamics growing up that made you the doormat?

I can't even imagine putting up with this even for a day while working, organising my son's life and mine, home, shop, food, dinner, bed, school, socialising, etc. what?!

Tell them all to fuck off and get yourself a fucking fabulous therapist.

I think it’s perfectly fine to be the ‘misery guts’ who sets boundaries in this situation. It sounds awful, I couldn’t handle this.

You have been very patient so far

Fuck that OP. Id have the row and fall out me.

Read them the riot act, tell them to parent their kids and clean up after them and if they don't like it they can go home.

I think you need to look at why all of your family are so ungrateful for your hosting them. They don't seem to worry at all about disrupting your household when you have work and school.

Why do they feel entitled to tell you off if you dare to say anything to them. ? Are you the youngest. When they start telling you off in an entitled way, you need to find your internal anger and give a bit of push back... a bit of "how dare you speak to me like that." or "My house, my rules if you don't like it go pay for an hotel." (this will probably seem incredibly rude and out of character for you, but it might just shock them enough to shut them up) Afterall they don't care about being rude and ungrateful to you.
You ought to be able to speak up with out feeling that it will cause a major fall out. Asking for Consideration and good behaviour shouldn't be met with a massive fall out.. Is this a pressure you are aware of.. it might be worth thinking about why that is.. and if that is a way they use to get their own way. As I get older, I've come to think that if people want to get "offended" at a reasonable request - then let them.
I admit it is harder for you as they all seem to do it and you are outnumbered.

Its good that your DH gets on with them, but he needs to be backing you up here and speaking up for you. - who is the "leader".. you should both take them to one side and have a firm chat.

This sounds like my idea of hell!

The problem is that you think that them taking offence is something to be avoided, rather than the intended effect.

Them taking offence will have one of two consequences. Either they'll go away and think about why you're annoyed at them, or they'll just come to stay less. Either way you win.

@bonnemaman1990 so who are the relatives coming from abroad? bro or sis or parents? how far have they come that they all need to descend on you!

Visitors are like fish - they go off after 3 days! Honestly, I don't know how you do it - a fulltime job, 4 children, a large house, and masses of inconsiderate visitors on top of all that! I would feel like running away. In fact I WOULD run away!

turns out I’m the misery guts. Maybe I am uptight!

Well if you are, so am I. The whole thing sounds exhausting and a complete piss take to me!

You've got all these visitors and chaos while your DC has exams and revision??

Jeez, OP, just say you can't do it this time and suggest one of them book an AirBnB for you all.

I have given up hosting my ILs en masse, because some of them are expert piss-takers and I just got sick of it. I just started saying no, and DH stopped volunteering to have them.

How often does all this happen?

I would certainly be saying no to any visits from now on until the GCSEs are over. Your poor children, does it piss them off as well?

Say "no"! It's very easy.
And change the locks too.

OP I’m a bit similar to you, large house and rural live a few hundred miles from family/ friends. I often get visits for a few days and host several people at the same time but for a week or more…just no! I’m very lucky in that my circle are all respectful and will pitch in with cleaning/ hoovering off their own back. Somehow boundaries definitely need to be established….a large list of house rules pinned up on the door… maybe a reward chart for any younger visitors? Cooking / clearing up rota? Kitty for drinks and snacks outwith meal times?
Just gently point out ahead of the next get together that you’re feeling a bit vulnerable atm, pressures of life etc and much as you are embracing their next invasion visit you’ve had to implement a few do’s and don’ts to ensure everyone has a great time and eases the pressure off you slightly…. I know it’s hard when you don’t want any fallouts in your own home and you want people to feel welcome but please, please use any excuse you like but set boundaries.
Good luck!

Feeling a bit sorry for your kids really having such disruption. Maybe they feel thier home isn't really their home or do they enjoy these visits?

I got a headache just reading your post, I don't know how you do it, it would drive me insane. The only thing I can suggest is to reduce the frequency of these visits. Once a year, preferably when you're not working, sounds about right.

@bonnemaman1990 sorry but fuck them!! they are all treating your house like a hotel and you as the unpaid help!! the overseas visitors need to go to a hotel for a change!!

yup! And respecting everyone needs chance to rest especially as you are still working through their visit! Keeping things quiet until a certain time if morning is very reasonable. As is not causing a ruckus very late at night.

Pull together a list of house rules and share it with them now

so shoes go xxx
You wash up and clean the kitchen after use, strip beds when you leave
etc etc

and say you are not being uptight, but it’s your home and you want to be able to enjoy it as well rather than run round after everyone

if they won’t accept the rules they don’t come again

By conflict avoidant it seems that your family mean that they can behave as selfishly and inconsiderately as they want and you are the bad guy if you even mention it.

Do you have a family WhatsApp group or similar? Once they leave if they are at yours or when they start planning their next trip, send a group message with house rules- what’s allowed, what isn’t, quiet hours and reiterate that while they are on holiday, your family is still in a school / work routine and if anyone has a problem they should seek alternative accommodation. Might give some of them a wobble. A cleaning schedule is also a must.

say you are decorating so not available - for about 3 years

what’s interesting is your family have fallen into this idea that the only way you can socialise as a family is via a big house party, no one else has a house big enough to host a house party that everyone can join, so it’s down to you.

Is there really no one else with a guest room, or space if dcs camp on the living room floor for a couple of nights?

even if overseas guests have to be split between two houses, could it be done that it’s not your house for the meet ups? Or hiring a airBNB, If then you can’t all fit in one house for a meal, plan to meet up out- pub lunch, walk together at a national trust place etc.

id use the forthcoming GCSEs as a good break - you can’t host until after the exams. Can someone else please take a turn and you will visit when you can.