DH wants a new shed: expects me to build it with him

No he designed and built it from scratch including base preparation - did all the frames himself and only needed me to help move them and hold steady while he screwed them together. He clad it all and roofed it on his own once the frame was built. He doesn't have me standing there passing screws and twiddling my thumbs - he only asks for my help when it literally is a 2 man job and he can't manage on his own, lifting or holding in place. He spent hours on it while I was out or doing other stuff, but I didn't have to do much, he just gets on with it.

I am aghast at all the posts telling you to get your wellies on and get on with it. This is a ridiculous proposition.

My DH got a new bigger shed last year and he and I put it up, we are both in our 70s and not exactly marathon running fit! (I am also a foot shorter and several stone lighter than my DH) I hadn't realised quite how big and heavy some of the panels were (it was also a very substantial shed as comment above), and we had to carry each panel some distance to where we erected it. Getting the roof panels in position was particularly heavy and awkward. A neighbour did offer to help, but he wasn't around while we were working on it. Not sure I would do it again, but there was a sense of achievement when it was done, and no one died!

If you do it, my DH bought some handles that he temporarily attached to each panel to make it much easier to grip and lift them otherwise there's no where to get hold, and also to steady them as they were attached together, a few props are also essential to keep things in approximate position, and wait for still weather. Also take your time, I couldn't carry more than one or two before needing a break and we spread it over a few days. Good luck.

60 not 100! I'm 62 and perfectly capable of putting up my huge poly tunnel, digging trenches to bury the skirt, emptying a trailer full of large logs into a neat pile, moving heavy furniture etc. Don't assume that people are no longer capable when they reach a certain age.

Putting the shed to one side for a moment- if you wanted to spend thousands on something for yourself, or predominately for your benefit, would he raise any objections regarding the cost? That would be an important consideration for me.

My partner bought a very large posh shed last year which he uses as a garden office. The shed alone cost €20k, then there were electrics, broadband extender, air con installation plus paying someone to build the jolly thing. It came in about €25k in all but he does pretty much live in it so it’s worth the money!

Our neighbour got one off market place. £300 lovely condition. A local handyman erected it.

I'm shocked at the price are we talking about a barn?

I would start engaging him in conversation about your MA at regular intervals, and each time you are helping him with the bloody shed. A couple of weeks of that should make it easier to point out that he can't expect you to give him many hours of your physical and mental effort for his pet project when he has no interest in reciprocating.

I doesn’t matter what the project is: OP doesn’t want to do it.
she is effectively being co-opted against her will to do a big project that she is just not interested in and doesn’t want to spend her time on. That is absolutely fair enough. We are not talking about a couple of hours to help out. I wouldn’t want to do it either.
Stay strong and say no, OP.

Some are. My neighbour is 60 and looks and acts way older. 60 isn’t that young. I’m in my 40s and no way am I building a shed

I'm 56 and would happily help build a shed. But then I would also happily try to do it on my own too.

DP and I mostly work well together but there have been occasions where I drop tools and say 'Nope. You're being a bit of a dick' or 'I'll do it when you ask nicely, sunshine' and walk away to do some deep breathing. Sometimes he overestimates my strength and I have to put him right, or remind him that I'm not the Keeper of Pencils of whatever. But it's all done with good humour.

However. If you don't want to do it, that's fine. DIY is not everyone's Thing. Just tell him you're not going to help and he'll have to find someone else.

You dont sound like you like him very much OP.

I am with your husband here that its something I would definitely do with mine, but can also appreciate he wants to undertake something epic too and you don't feel up to it.

YANBU. You have other stuff to do (including 15 hours paid work and housework), you are 60 years old and you have arthritis in your hands and lumbar issues in your back. He needs to find someone else to help, yes you may have had issues before with a labourer, so this time see if you can find a recommendation for a good one, or better still, pay a friend or family member cash-in-hand to help out. You already pull your weight in the relationship, the fact that relationships are a partnership doesn't mean you are obliged to do unpaid physical labour for a project that mainly benefits him when you have neither the time nor the physical fitness to do so.

Old people are obsessed with proving they can do things so people don't think they're old, it doesn't mean it's a good thing.

My MIL is the same, she has to be walking up 6 flights of stairs instead of getting the lift to prove she's not old. It's terrible for her joints at her age but she insists.

I think when you're genuinely comfortable with your age you don't feel the need to prove things.

I have a husband like yours. I don’t like helping him with his jobs because he’s a tyrant.
hold still, let go, where did you put my pencil etc. That he had 2 seconds ago. No thanks just constant commands.
We also have an allotment that he loves, only grows what he loves to grow, not necessarily eat. Everything comes from allotment with soil, etc. Think lettuce with root attached.
Then the complaining about how much work it is, I don’t garden, would rather buy from shop is cheaper. I know more about growing vegetables and looking after hens than I ever wanted to know.
He takes no interest in what books or crafts I’m doing.

But does he shout at you and measure each thing a dozen times?

I hear you OP. My DH is the same!

I'm 43 and I would not want to commit to a project like that. I often work on stuff with DH, he does a lot of construction work, DIY etc, including doing it self employed for a while. He's lovely to work with, thoughtful, organised, excellent at teaching stuff you don't know about and so on. I happily get on board with him with various projects he has going on, and I also love a bit of gardening etc so am happy with lifting stuff, humping wood about outside and so on. I have my own work gloves and two tool boxes so I am quite capable of a good DIY project.

But looking at this whole plan, your DH is basically expecting you to commit an enormous chunk of your free time over the best weeks of the entire year weather wise, to do what is clearly physically very hard work, especially if you have any kind of physical health issues. And it sounds like he will be an arse to work with in the process.

I don't think you are being unreasonable purely from a time commitment perspective, let alone the work, your health, his overall behaviour. I like the point made by a previous poster, that you should take as much interest in it as he does in your MA. (which sounds awesome by the way!)

Df would happily do that. DM would help by holding things in place.
They're 80yo.
Df would laugh at a 60yo who thought they were too old.

Shed cautionary tale - My Dad at 70 odd decided to get a new massive shed after lockdown which arrived partially built. He managed to break his arm while working on it, arm has never fully recovered and the garden is blighted by a shed that has never been used...

I wouldn't help. I'd either do the prefab option you suggested or the £15k option or forget the whole idea.

From what you've described the amount of work it is, it will take months and lots of arguments and wasted time for you to do it together.

My peace and time is worth more than that to me personally, especially for something that's only a shed and nothing exciting.

Honestly, I'd just pay a handy man

Being 60 isn’t too old to do manual labour if you want to, but I’m fucked if I’m going to do something I don’t want to do, just because the DH has a yearning and an idea in his head.

Thankfully, at our age, we should have gained the confidence to tell him to bugger off and pay someone to help him build his expensive folly/dream shed.

Our large polytunnel needs a serious sorting inc. the weeds clearing out and just this morning I suggested to DH that we need to pay someone to do the hard graft. Once it’s cleared, I’ll be happy to plant up tomatoes etc in it, as I have done in previous years, but I’m not risking injury to save a few quid.

I’ll be in my sewing room, if anyone wants me…