(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

No, the OP's dh is sayi that women DO think about men the same way as women ie. "Cor look at the arse on that - Id fuck that" the op disagrees and most women here seem to agree with her.

I can certainly look at a fit bloke and think "for" but it's not very often at all, even when I was younger. And for me to actually take off my clothes and shag someone they'd have to have a cracking personality too. I will say the two men I've been very attracted to in my life (dh and baldie guy) are both very charismatic men. Very confident and both self motivated/successful.

I guess this is why beautiful young women go out with ugly older men - success and confidence is a very attractive trait to a lot of women.

If you walk down the road you can literally see men eying up women as they walk past. Maybe woman are just more subtle than men but I don't think I have ever seen a woman actively eying a man up in the street. Personally, I almost never notice attractive men in passing, I am far more 'turned on' by connection, chemistry, rapport etc which relies on speaking to someone.

So I think men and women can be worked the complete same way yet men are often socialised to make a big song and dance out of their sexuality like it's a power move.

Totally agree. And it is a power move. Being vocal about one's sexual tastes is something that men are pressured to do from their teenage years. It's an unspoken way of proving your masculinity and thus bonding with other men (over, I suppose, your shared power over women).

Women and gay men are socialised to hide their sexual tastes, on the other hand. We have to deal with the tired myth that women aren't visual and all we want is a good provider and a good father, and what even is physical attraction? I consider that a patriarchal myth and linked to homophobia - it enables straight men to avoid having to be on the receiving end of the sexual gaze.

Your husband, like so many men, hates the idea that women might fancy men purely on the basis of physical attraction. I think a lot of men find this idea threatening, and prefer to think that they will get women because of their sparkling wit and amazing personality.

Anyway, your husband is wrong. Of course women notice men who are physically attractive. They may not do it as overtly as men do, and certainly won't make comments on the man's body parts, but that's not to say they don't notice. They do.

Sounds like the Daily Mail's comment section TBF.

I don’t spend a lot of time eyeing up men if I’m honest. Maybe just occasionally (if my husband’s t shirt goes up his stomach looks good).

I think some men spend a lot of time ogling women and others don’t. I suspect my husband doesn’t. Possibly because he’s worked in all female environments for all of his adult life

TokyoKyoto
I agree about the increased sex drive in peri menopause. That's when I started lusting after my baldie. I think it's a last shot of your oestrogen desperately casting around to have one last baby!

I also have a lot of sex dreams - unfortunately at 54 dh's libido has taken a sharp nosedive (I'm early 40's). He only used to have to look at me and get an erection and now it often takes some coaxing and I sometimes can't be arsed as it feels a bit insulting (not fair I know). It's gutting.

I notice a man's looks / height etc first in a social situation, but once we start talking, if he isn't interesting / witty / engaging then his looks don't matter and I'm not interested. I'm also assessing whether or not he might be a physical threat - if I'm on my own coming home on the train for example, he might look like George Clooney but I'm only interested in whether or not he might be a threat and there's no way I'd engage in any way.

Same.

And if he’s thick or arrogant even his godly form can’t save him.

I don’t think I’ve ever looked at a man and thought “cor…look at the [whatever] on him”. A bit of a body is pretty meaningless. Attractiveness for me is almost entirely based on character. Even with my DH, the physical
attractiveness grew for me as I got to know him and I felt comfortable with him (and fell in love). Now I find him insanely attractive and I just love everything about him (personality and appearance) but I didn’t feel like that when we first got together. I didn’t think him unattractive, I felt fairly neutral about his appearance.

same, if I do a double take then a man really must be crafted by the gods

It's the opposite in our household - I look at both men and women, he doesn't stare at either 😂

What I have heard - and it makes sense to me - is that from an evolutionary point of view men are driven to disperse their seed so look more to fertility features ( so boobs, hips). Women, who weather the vulnerability ( in cave person terms) of the encumbrance of 9 months of pregnancy ( and what heavily woman could outrun a sabre tooth tiger?) and have the duty of raising and protecting the offspring look more to signs of a man being protective and sticking round - so kind eyes, broad sabre-tooth tiger resisting shoulders etc.

In other words men like bodily bits that feature highly in procreation, women look more to character.

I've definitely physically lusted after random men i didn't know yes.
I don't think men and women are that different in the way they feel sometimes but what is different is how we are socialised to express it.
Just because I happened to glance up and saw a man I lusted after doesn't mean I would think it appropriate to talk about it or make sexualised comments. Or even to indulge in the feelings of lusting after a stranger.
I mean it's definitely there. I habe a high sex drive, even more so when younger. I definitely have looked at men and even ones I didn't like their personalities.. and thought about having sex with them.
But never in a million years would I have slapped them on the bum or shouted 'nice arse' or even made sexualised comments to my own friends about them.
I think some groups of men take some kind of pride in their own lust to be honest. Like it's a badge of honour that they like a woman's tits. I think the main difference is they are more likely not to care or even like that it's disrespectful.

So I think men and women can be worked the complete same way yet men are often socialised to make a big song and dance out of their sexuality like it's a power move.
Obviously you sometimes get women like that too.. but more often you see it in men. I don't think it's a natural instinct to comment like women are pieces of meat.
We all have sexuality, we all might think sexual things when we see someone attractive. What we don't all do is think it's ok to discuss a strangers body.

I agree with you. I think more about general "attractiveness", which includes personality, conversation etc., rather than specific physical attributes. I do occasionally think "he's got a nice face" about e.g. actors or people in the news, but it’s more about someone looking kind etc. than a particular feature.

I do remember once commenting to a friend that a man we knew had a nice arse - she was quite shocked! In mitigation, it was in my younger, single, less tired days. But it was just an observation; it didn’t mean I wanted closer contact with him. I didn’t actually like him much.

I think I’d be more likely to notice a man’s face/physique rather than a particular body part. Tbh I don’t notice often and if I did it would be more of a passing thought around him being handsome rather than how your dh thinks of someone’s ass.

When I hit perimenopause, for some reason I switched into feeling like how I imagine it is for young men. I thought about sex all the time, I actually tingled in places that shouldn't have been tingling while I was just going about my day. Like, if a nipple brushed on something, whammo: sexual thoughts. I had never felt like that, not ever in my life. Apparently it's the imbalance of testosterone as you lose oestrogen/progesterone.
I did start looking at men differently. And women. Entirely driven by hormonal changes. I kept it very, very quiet and you would never have known but I was thinking about arses and pecs and lips all the fucking time. Quite tiring really, and I would never have acted on it, but good fun as far as inner lives go.
(I have calmed down a little bit now I'm in menopause. I wonder how many women get this: most of my friends have the exact opposite and that's what I expected.)
Anyway, I think most women don't feel like that, for most of their lives. Obviously there are strong attractions but this physical response is something else.

I guess that makes sense. I've never wanted children, but from the point of view of evolutionary biology perhaps yes.

Steroid popping gym bunnies with no personality and popping veins do feature low on future marriage material for a lot of women. Funny men haven't caught on...Oh a solo activity where I get to not talk and feel masculine, yay!

So I used to think the same thing, but as a lesbian I definitely do lust after some women’s bodies in the same way as that, usually women on TV as I’m married.

I don’t think men and women are fundamentally that different, it’s just we are socialised very differently. Speaking to heterosexual friends, I have realised how different dating women compared to men is. When dating women there’s no sexual double standards, no slut shaming, no fear of being raped or murdered.

I definitely would not have had the experiences I’ve had with women with men if I was attracted to them e.g. one night stands or sleeping together after one or two dates, because I wouldn’t have trusted them enough to feel safe and would have worried they would judge me for it. I’m not saying all women feel this way, but we do still live in a patriarchal world where female sexuality is judged and shamed and we have a high risk of violence from men, particularly male partners, we shouldn’t underestimate the impact of this on our behaviour and sexuality.

I honestly believe that if we lived in a truly equal world then a lot of women would feel more comfortable expressing their sexuality and there wouldn’t be such a huge difference between us and men.

I think it is everything depending on the guy and the situation. A gorgeous hunk with a great body yup would get me thinking. Totally different to chatting to someone and thinking I might like to have a date with them. As for age difference if Austin But.er rocked up up all of the above despite being far too young for me. 😂

I agree with this. I’ve come to the conclusion that the most attractive aspect of a man is how unthreatening he is.

I think it’s more subconscious…

Mine doesn’t at all.

I also think there can be an element of being attracted to the opposite in a kind of “ Nature seeks to iron out flaws” way. Eg my friend had a very domineering, masculine father and has always been attracted to quite gentle, even faintly effeminate, men.

women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring

My woman brain must be deficient, then. I have never thought about that.