(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

Y-fronts are like old man pants. I was just thinking to myself that a man's excitement at seeing a pair of decently pretty knickers would be greater than a woman's excitement when seeing a guy's boxer shorts.

Whilst both men and women can look at a member of the opposite, or indeed same sex, and find them attractive, I don’t think I it is possible for men and women to view the opposite sex in the same way.

I believe this is because at an unconscious (possibly even sub conscious) level, men know they can (in the main) overpower and “take” a female they find attractive. SchoolBoys don’t need to “learn” what it’s like to walk past a group of men leering at them in their school uniform or to change their running route because it goes past a building site. So females learn to at times fear the male gaze, whereas males don’t tend to fear the female gaze.

I also believe that men can totally reduce a woman’s body to parts to do sex to whereas women generally don’t - the popularity of the “face down arse up” sex position is representative of this - no kissing or eye contact needed - literally just shagging an arse so to speak.

So I don’t think women look at men the same way men look at women. Your DH is using the “but women also look at men” trope to justify the ways in which men leer at women in ways that can make them feel very uncomfortable and possibly even afraid. It’s a very misogynistic viewpoint in my opinion.

edited for spelling

Ha ha ha exactly!

I’m made to like Ben and Jerry’s. We all have to exercise restraint.

This question reflects the different position that men and women are in when they confront a stranger of the opposite sex. The man is more likely to be bigger and stronger, and much less likely to fear sexual assault.
Hence the existence of upskirting but the rarity of women trying to get a peek of underpants. It's a whole different context.

Indeed. That is my point. They don't want to learn. They want to keep perpetuating this historical notion that it's not their fault; it's how they are made.

But they CAN keep it in their pants. They have to learn.

ETA I could happily devour entire tubs of Ben and Jerry’s but I manage not to.

The regularity with which this defence is rolled out – that evolutionary-wise men are hard-wired to "disperse their seed" into as many women as they could – is dangerous because it evokes a period in history when women were routinely raped and did not get to choose their mates. It glosses conveniently over the fact that we have all evolved! Look at us. We are not the same as those cave dwellers, and yet we are still being sold this one pre-historic, misogynisitc tripe to support the myth that men can't keep it in their pants because that is how they are made. Boring.

Or because she’s wildly insecure and thinks being with an unattractive man that knows he’s punching above his weight he’s unlikely to cheat or be attractive to anyone else.

I quite like boxers but Y fronts 🩲 do very little for me.

How does everyone feel if they get a peek of a guy's boxers? I feels guys would be more excited at a peak of knickers.

I notice how attractive both men and women are. Guess I am shallow :D
I'd also say I see a greater number of women who are attractive, but that is a feeling of "aww, good for her, doesn't she look great", whereas with a man it's more "wish I'd been in his league a few years ago" or "imagine being with him!"
A man's bottom is more likely to put me off by being too round or too flat, though. I'm more likely to admire his eyes, face, shoulders, chest, or calves. Love a deep voice, too.

It takes a lot of attraction and mood lighting for me to decide that that bundle of dead grouse and onions looks objectively attractive.

Obviously I have my moments when the goggles are on, but I couldn’t in cold blood open a double page porn spread of a pant-less male and think: “wow that’s simply lovely to look at.” It seems to me many men can manage that sort of genitalia consumption at the drop of a hat.

I guess this is why beautiful young women go out with ugly older men -

In real life, this is extremely rare, despite male fantasies to the contrary.

Beautiful young women tend to go out with beautiful young men. If such a woman is with an 'ugly older man' it will not be because she finds him wildly attractive, but because he has something, usually a ton of money, to offset his lack of attractiveness.

This has actually been a repeated conversation amongst our friend group.

Initially we leant toward women just being more attractive in general, so men notice them more than women notice men.

But this was confounded when we sought out the opinion of a few gay friends. Gay men tend to notice men in the same way that heterosexual women, whereas gay women don't tend to lust after other womens physical attributes the way straight men do. So the evidence lends itself to OPs theory that its an innate male trait.

Weirdly, it also seems to hold true with genitals. Straight women tend to find mens genitals unattractive but functional, (hence the usual "last chicken in the shop" description) whereas men really do tend to find womens genitals attractive. Gay men however tend to find a nice penis attractive in a way women don't.

It was around this point we decided that maybe we were thinking about this too hard and should maybe change the subject.

I definitely can check a man out without knowing a single thing about him.

If me and my friends are having coffee and a hot man walks in we will definitely comment between us on him.

I think a big difference is that women are less likely to direct this towards the man. So whilst we might sit down in Starbucks and giggle at how sexy the man serving us was, we definitely wouldn't comment 'nice arse' when he bends down to get us the cup. Wheras, as a woman who was worked in that environment, lots of men actually would. So because you don't wander round hearing women making sexual remarks to men (as frequently) I think it seems as though we don't have those thoughts. We do, we just don't blurt them out to strangers as much.

I hear you - the libido of a fifty-something man is absolutely no match for a perimenopausal woman with raging sex drive!

I think the difference is that men actively look to check if the woman passing them in the street has a nice arse etc. Women don’t actively assess every passing stranger to see if they are worth ogling over.

If a guy walked past me topless with bulging biceps and great abs I would probably think wow, he looks nice, but he would have to be pretty much flaunting his body in front of me for me to notice.

If we're talking about strangers, then for me it would be if they had a really cool outfit, and they looked confident. Some men are objectively handsome facially but very boring looking to me. I like people that look a bit different. Not perfect or very muscular. I do prefer tall slim guys with hair on their head but hate hairy bodies!

If someone's wearing a kilt then that'll get my attention straight away. 🤣

Do I lust after men's arses etc though? Not really. I very rarely see anyone out and about who I think 'phwoaww...you're well fit'.

I can appreciate an attractive man, but I very very rarely see any when out and about. I see maybe 1 good looking man for every 50 pretty women I see. I think most men are unremarkable to unattractive.

I had an ex who used to do it if I was driving. He'd sit back and play his own "who might I like today" fantasy, ogling women on the street. He once oggled a woman twenty years younger than us both who was walking down the road, he literally sort of ducked down so he could get a better look, and I said "would you like me to pull over?" He denied it. Yawn.

If you’re taking specifically about arses then no I don’t think most men will be arsed about arses, I’d say they’re more interested in boobs!

More than anything they like good looking faces with good bodies. No good having a nice body without an attractive face. Very shallow but that will never change

"Fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that." This is certainly what toxic masculinity has told women forever. I've always had a thing for the back of a man's neck, and hands. No idea why... still body parts though. Men often spout this drivel about how it's their biological right to objectify women's body parts without realising that we all do it to some degree, but it's the language around it that separates us: "nice arse," is a yawn tbh, and kind of associated with men who feel the need to say it out loud, so that the rest of their objectifying tribe will slap each other on their hairy backs and feel like hot boys. If that helps him at all, feedback wise....

I'm always embarrassed for the wives who usually are right next to them as they ogle their way down the high street.

Think "cor" not bloody for!