(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

I notice gorgeous men and think phwoargh. I saw the most beautiful young man ( young maaaaan) when I was out the other night and thought “ if I was 20 years younger…”) I wouldn’t say anything though it’s just in my head.

I have looked at certain men and thought they were exceptionally handsome, sometimes breathtakingly so, but more in the sense that I would admire a beautiful painting or a fabulous building or amazing scenery. I definitely don’t dwell on arses or abs or indeed on physique in general. And the vast majority of men I don’t notice at all because I’m too busy living my life. Plus I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of looking at them😆

I think historically men have been less subtle. One thing I notice now is when I go out with my son (he is good looking, though I am biased), some women look him up and down with quite some intent. I have sometimes felt like saying oye, keep your eyes to yourself!

I was originally replying to the OP who said, "that from an evolutionary point of view men are driven to disperse their seed so look more to fertility features ( so boobs, hips)." I guess we'd need to unpack the word "driven." All I know is if I had a £1 for every time on MN and other forums the evolutionary argument is rolled out to excuse men's behaviour, I would pay off my mortgage today!

Gotta love your DH assertion that you, a woman, don’t know how most women think, but he, a man does.

Honestly, I would say most women are at least somewhat attractive. I can find beauty in most women, across all ages, races, shapes, and aesthetics. I don’t find many men attractive. I have a very specific type - if you lined up every man I have ever fancied they all look like they could be related. If a man doesn’t tick all the boxes, I don’t find him attractive, but women I do generally think look better. Maybe it’s because women put more effort in, maybe I am a secret lesbian.

But I don’t think that having a proclivity is the same thing as “ just can’t help it.”

Generally I do agree with you OP. Although I have been known to 'perv' on a man's physical attributes from time to time I think it tends to be when I'm ovulating 😆

We have evolved in so many ways that are not just about being civilised; from how we walk, eat, live, and how many teeth we now have, and organs we don't use anymore! So evolution has happened, but some people just seem selective about what they do and don't want to acknowledge as an evolutionary change, and the old "men can't help it" re. sexual behaviour trope is wearing pretty thin. Again... any anthropologists please wade in. Personally, for me I am sick of hearing that men are wired to be over-sexed idiots and women only look for square jaws and height. It's so reductive and no longer true; if it was we'd be a species of just really big boobed, round arsed, square jawed people because we'd only mate within that trope. I have just always thought it's a very thin argument for really bad behaviour.

Or we just don't do it?

Agree … or even if it is “difficult,” it doesn’t remove the need to control it.

Indeed, and to quote Calliopespa, "There has to be accountability. That’s what civilisation is."

The problem is, we haven't evolved. Evolution doesn't work that quickly, not for a species with 20 - 30 years between generations. Instead we've civilized, that happens an awful lot quicker.

I'll agree with you 100% that it shouldn't be used as a defense, but I think not acknowledging it at all is just as dangerous.

The fact is that there's a reason that men commit the vast majority of sexual crimes. Part of that is simply because men are stronger, and strength is power, which has been codified over thousands of years into our patriarchal society. Which means that men have the ability to carry out these crimes, and a good likelyhood of getting away with them.

But a bigger part of it is that men at a very base level, feel that they should be having sex. They notice people they want to have sex with more, they fantasize it more. There's a lot of talk on the weight loss threads about "food noise", I'd like to propose the term "Sex noise" for what I'm talking about.

I don't think ignoring that that exists, and that its vastly more prominent for men is a good idea We've not evolved out of that, we've not had time. I think telling men that there's something wrong with them because they have that noise doesn't help. What young men should be being taught by other men is that yes, it exists, but that its something that you control, and that controlling it isn't difficult.

And sadly I agree.

Sadly, the truth is that a large percentage of males in the world cannot ‘keep it in their pants’. Is it because of the myth, or just typical male behaviour? On a global scale, we are one of a small percentage of women who get to choose our mates.

The horrors of rape as a weapon of war, and examples of male behaviour in other situations, show a grim and revolting side to male sexuality.

I mean it’s actually easier to just fart audibly but most of us don’t.

There has to be accountability. That’s what civilisation is.

Yes, it is complex. Any anthropologists on here want to wade in? I am probably out of my depth here, but I am just not convinced by the argument (not yours, the general one) that we have evolved in just about every way except willy-wagging after a "nice arse" with no accountability. It feels a bit flawed to me.

Yes art can work but I think the artist tends to do a bit of arranging …

There was a funny thread on here a while back where a poster had somehow torn her vulva ( or burned it or something). Her comment was that the male doctor who had to attend to it got to have a great day. I wasn’t so convinced that damaged and in surgery lighting it would have been all that alluring even to a man …

I actually have several prints of oil paintings of nude men and genuinely think the genitalia is beautiful. And sexy!

Do women just show their interest more subtly?

I am blessed with an attractive husband, and whilst drunken women (and sometimes men) may overtly ogle how good his arse looks in his Levis, most will just try and engage with him above what would be expected in the situation we are in. It’s hard to explain but there will be a slight increase in their animation, or an excuse to touch his arm, or a blush if he says something nice to them. Often there is no deliberate attempt to disrespect me, I believe it’s just a normal female response to a man who is very attractive, with a great and engaging personality.

The question is whether the different reactions are due to social conditioning or genuine differences in sexual behaviour between the sexes. The Diet Coke advert was a play on this, in real life I have never met any woman who responded to a male that overtly.

I would guess I am a bit of both.
I certainly find personality traits (like a sense of humour, intelligence, kindness, ...) would make me attracted to a man.
But I can also appreciate a physically attractive man.
I would say that the mental would win out for me though. For example, I may find a celebrity attractive but then find out they are an arsehole and totally go off them.

men really do tend to find womens genitals attractive
Is this true? Men find the average vulva attractive?

While I don’t think the “ seed dispersal” argument exonerates men from exercising restraint, I do think it possibly lies at the heart of the ( different) things they find attractive.

My DH doesn’t struggle much with Ben and Jerry’s; his personal battle of restraint would be more with burgers 🍔. Different tastes, but all need moderation in terms of the level of abandon with which we indulge in them.