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(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

289 replies

focuseddreamer · 20/03/2025 09:14

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

OP posts:
FaithFables · 20/03/2025 14:24

Dreamskies · 20/03/2025 14:00

Really?? Is that a common thing, wanting to watch a man wank?! Wow. Genuinely had no idea and can honestly say that would NOT turn me on or get me off. I actually focus more on the woman, ie what she’s experiencing, and the guy doesn’t have to be hot, he can be older, out of shape or whatever. I’m not interested in seeing a “hot man” to get me off.

Maybe I’m weird?! 🤣

No you're not weird, there's nothing will give me the ick faster than watching a man wank! 😬

Calliopespa · 20/03/2025 14:24

Deargodletitgo · 20/03/2025 14:18

Early 50s here and there are some men I look at and think I'd climb him like a tree

Also like checking out men's packages. Maybe I'm a sexual pervert

This is a neutral question out of detached interest but what aspect of a package commends itself to you? Just size (with great big squashy bulge being a winner?); or are there other aspects of a package that are goggle-worthy? 🤣

Deargodletitgo · 20/03/2025 14:21

Frrrspa · 20/03/2025 12:36

Let's be honest ladies if you are/when you were single did you ever oogle at a man's bulge?

Ah, not just me then!

FaithFables · 20/03/2025 14:20

“cor look at the arse on that”

I do think this about DH a lot. 😂He has a fine arse. Have also thought it about David Beckham, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans (he does have America's arse after all 😉).

Azureshores · 20/03/2025 14:20

IcedPurple · 20/03/2025 11:11

I guess this is why beautiful young women go out with ugly older men -

In real life, this is extremely rare, despite male fantasies to the contrary.

Beautiful young women tend to go out with beautiful young men. If such a woman is with an 'ugly older man' it will not be because she finds him wildly attractive, but because he has something, usually a ton of money, to offset his lack of attractiveness.

Yes I agree - but money usually equates to success, charisma etc as was my point. Look at Donald Trump and Melania - there's loads of examples.

Deargodletitgo · 20/03/2025 14:18

Early 50s here and there are some men I look at and think I'd climb him like a tree

Also like checking out men's packages. Maybe I'm a sexual pervert

MyIvyGrows · 20/03/2025 14:02

crackofdoom · 20/03/2025 09:33

Yes, I happily eye men up in a purely physical sense.

No, I do not believe the sexes are half as fundamentally different as made out.

Same. But I think women are much more subtle about it. I would very, very rarely mention to anyone else that I found a stranger physically attractive, it’s just a fleeting thought. It’s only men who seem to need to get their mates, or the person of interest, involved too.

Donotwantnot · 20/03/2025 14:01

Males and females are both perfectly capable of lusting over a body part/person. Both males and females are also perfectly capable of using cognition to explore social and cultural expectations around sexualisation and sexual behaviours and come to realisations about how far they have been indoctrinated to behave in certain ways (and this can become generational) and take steps to change it.

We are also all individuals, though goodness knows group think is very clearly alive and well.

Dreamskies · 20/03/2025 14:00

ItGhoul · 20/03/2025 12:19

Social media, and the kind of porn typically viewed by women, would suggest that many, many women absolutely do look at men's bodies in exactly the same way that men look at women's bodies.

I definitely do, and I can tell from the kind of following that certain male models/influencers/celebrities have on social media that plenty of other women do as well.

There is also a big market for NSFW fan art featuring male characters from popular romance / fantasy books etc naked, often in very explicit poses/situations.

Some of the most popular porn videos watched by women are basically videos of hot men wanking, often without the man's face even being in view. Women are not watching those videos thinking 'Oh, he seems nice/funny/clever/charismatic'. They are watching them because they want to see a man with a great body touching his cock.

Personally, I think the notion that women don't/aren't supposed to lust after or objectify men is all part of a fundamentally puritanical and anti-feminist notion that women aren't sexual beings in the same way that men are. It's the same mindset that judges promiscuous women differently from promiscuous men.

That isn't to say that women aren't also attracted by qualities other than looks - of course they are. But so are men. There is a difference for both men and women between looking for a relationship and having your head turned by someone good-looking in the street.

Really?? Is that a common thing, wanting to watch a man wank?! Wow. Genuinely had no idea and can honestly say that would NOT turn me on or get me off. I actually focus more on the woman, ie what she’s experiencing, and the guy doesn’t have to be hot, he can be older, out of shape or whatever. I’m not interested in seeing a “hot man” to get me off.

Maybe I’m weird?! 🤣

Calliopespa · 20/03/2025 14:00

ItGhoul · 20/03/2025 13:54

I definitely do this, and I'm not single. I have absolutely no desire to cheat on my partner; we've been together 22 years and I adore him. But that doesn't mean I don't notice and look at other men.

Specifically the bulge though? 👀

Do they notice? And if so, is that awkward?! 😳

ItGhoul · 20/03/2025 13:58

SatyrTights · 20/03/2025 09:49

I admire men’s bodies, but am capable of doing it without slavering, wolf-whistling, shouting ‘I’d ho through you like a pound of butter’ from scaffolding, audibly giving them marks out of ten, or having my eyes go out on cartoon springs.

So what I might be thinking about a random man’s body will remain where it should remain, inside my head.

(And an objectively conventionally-unattractive man will become suddenly devastating in my eyes if clever, articulate, knowledgeable, kind or otherwise interesting…)

The vast majority of men also admire women's bodies without doing any of those things too, though.

Dreamskies · 20/03/2025 13:55

Frrrspa · 20/03/2025 12:36

Let's be honest ladies if you are/when you were single did you ever oogle at a man's bulge?

Categorically no. I can’t think of anything less appealing than a man’s flaccid package. Penises are not remotely attractive in any form tbh 😂

I like my mans dick because I fancy him as a whole. In and of themselves - no thanks 🤣

ItGhoul · 20/03/2025 13:54

Frrrspa · 20/03/2025 12:36

Let's be honest ladies if you are/when you were single did you ever oogle at a man's bulge?

I definitely do this, and I'm not single. I have absolutely no desire to cheat on my partner; we've been together 22 years and I adore him. But that doesn't mean I don't notice and look at other men.

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:53

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:50

I know way more women who like men's legs than vice versa.

It's not "biphobia" to say that your tastes will reflect the fact you are bi - FFS.

And I know many women who don't!

And it is because you keep mentioning it as though that invalidates my opinion. I've also told you that I like men and that my tastes in them vary from yours. It's entirely possible to look at bodies and consider them from a completely aesthetic perspective. Just as many straight women think (as you initially argued against) that women's bodies are more aesthetically pleasing than men's.

You're the one coming on here claiming women just "haven't seen the right man" when they have this opinion.

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:52

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:49

Are you sure you're not Mrs. Cortada? 😉

I would not be chatting on MN if I was Mrs. Cortada, I would be doing, ahem, other things.

Dreamskies · 20/03/2025 13:51

I don’t get much at all from “eyeing up” men. I can appreciate an attractive one as being good looking in the exact same way as I can do with a woman, but I don’t get excited or aroused by “looking at men”, I never have. I don’t understand the chippendales or male strippers. So cringe, not hot.

I fancy people more once I know them, even if fairly briefly. What they look like matters, but I don’t look at a bloke and think “he’s sexy, I’d like to fck him” or whatever.

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:50

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:48

And many women aren't. They've been mentioned above by presumably straight women, too. I like your casual biphobia though.

I know way more women who like men's legs than vice versa.

It's not "biphobia" to say that your tastes will reflect the fact you are bi - FFS.

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:49

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:49

Because I've seen photos of him taken by paps.

I know this may take you by (inexplicable) surprise but people sweat in warm climates

Are you sure you're not Mrs. Cortada? 😉

crackofdoom · 20/03/2025 13:49

hellohannah · 20/03/2025 10:16

According to Sigmund Freud both sexes are attracted to the traits of our opposite sex parent and that’s what we look for in a partner and so therefore are attracted to. Does your husband look like your father? Do you look like your MiL?

Look, the fact that I've had a string of relationships with tall, thin, miserable, negative depressives is nothing but a coincidence, okay ? 😳

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:49

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:47

How on earth do you know he's not photoshopped or oiled up? 🤣 It's a photoshoot, he's not just done a workout beforehand for a natural sweat.

Because I've seen photos of him taken by paps.

I know this may take you by (inexplicable) surprise but people sweat in warm climates

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:48

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:47

Men's legs, for example, are often not very appealing parts of their body

Many women are absolutely fixated on men's legs.

As I said, it's not a surprise you say you're bi.

And many women aren't. They've been mentioned above by presumably straight women, too. I like your casual biphobia though.

Freshflower · 20/03/2025 13:48

Never ever looked at a guys back side and thought cor look at that ass. I have looked at the front bit and thought cor look at that big bulge or look at those abs or he's gorgeous looking

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:47

Men's legs, for example, are often not very appealing parts of their body

Many women are absolutely fixated on men's legs.

As I said, it's not a surprise you say you're bi.

GiddyRobin · 20/03/2025 13:47

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:45

I'm not sure an oiled up, photoshopped, posed photoshoot of a celebrity model-type

He's not photo-shopped.

I don't think he's oiled up either, he's sweating a bit.

(Not in the catwalk shot of his face obviously).

How on earth do you know he's not photoshopped or oiled up? 🤣 It's a photoshoot, he's not just done a workout beforehand for a natural sweat.

StrawberryDream24 · 20/03/2025 13:45

I'm not sure an oiled up, photoshopped, posed photoshoot of a celebrity model-type

He's not photo-shopped.

I don't think he's oiled up either, he's sweating a bit.

(Not in the catwalk shot of his face obviously).