(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

I don't get that from OP's posts. She's saying that she thinks women don't eye men up, and her dp thinks they do, just like men.

OP is arguing that men are hard-wired to eye up women, while women don't enjoy having a good look at men.

Neither of them is arguing that men looking is OK and women looking is weird.

I'm married so wouldn't act on it, but sometimes I'll see a bloke and think "In a different life, I'd fuck you".
I don't look at their arses but it could be something like their top pulling up and a glimpse of their stomach. I'm largely quite facially focussed though.

Well your husband sounds charming…. what planet is he stuck on that he think’s it ok for men to stare at women’s asses but weird for women to look at men in a sexual way? He sounds very misogynistic and it also sounds like he’s just objectifying women to sexual objects. How denigrating. I hope you tell your kids his behaviour towards women is NOT ok!

God no, we aren’t that superficial 😂

The first thing I clock with a man is 'am I safe?'

I should have listened to my unease a couple of weeks ago with a group of teen boys too close to me. One suddenly cannoned into my shoulder after his mate shoved him at me and they all howled with laughter.

So first - am I safe? What's his body language? Proximity? Expression? Tone of voice? Words? Clean? Smell? General weird vibe?

Then if ok, it's the face. Smiley, kindly, frank, open? 'Good looking'? Bald absolutely not a problem!

Then the general build. I like bigger cos I'm big!

Actual body parts, tho - I notice heftiness and implied strength, especially round the shoulders and arms. And slim hips, flat stomach, strong thighs & bum - this is entirely about the ideal arrangement for sex, isn't it ...

I bet anything I clock as many women’s genital areas as I do men’s, and it’s nothing sexual. I also have this weird intrusive thought thing where I can’t help but acknowledge the fact there are genitals in the room with me and may indeed look at a man’s crotch thinking “his saggy little winky is in there somewhere…” and trust me, it’s not REMOTELY sexual or a turn on 🤣

For clarity I’d do the same intrusive thought thing on women too, I don’t know why!

For me it’s contextual.

Im sure in the wrong circumstances I could find it utterly disgusting. In others quite the opposite.

But in a general “ going to the 9 to 9 to pick up milk” scenario they just aren’t really on my radar.

I wouldn't say there are 'loads' of examples, at least not outside the world of the rich and famous. An 'ugly older man' could be 'charismatic', or even successful in a non lucrative field without being rich. Yet you will not see too many 'beautiful young women' with them. Melania married Trump because he was incredibly rich, not because he was 'charismatic' or 'successful'. If she could have found an equally rich man who was younger and better looking, she'd have gone for him without question.

I’m not at all horrified or prudish, I’m very open minded about all aspects of sex, will try anything (within reason) and might even enjoy it 🤣

But I still don’t find a penis, in and of itself, something attractive. They just aren’t. They’re ugly, often lumpy and or saggy, hairy, plucked chicken looking chunks of skin 😂 the fact they’re “associated with sex” doesn’t suddenly mean it turns me on to see one.

Equally, I’m not repulsed by them and I’m constantly grabbing at my DP’s bits, because I love him and I’m attracted to him. Looking at HIS penis could arouse me, but because it’s him not because it’s a cock.

Not feeling aroused by looking at men’s cocks doesn’t automatically make someone “horrified” or “disgusted” by them either. Some of us just don’t get turned on by visual stimuli in that way.

I don't really understand it when straight women affect to be disgusted and horrified by penises. Not all penises are attractive, of course, but I always appreciate looking at a nicely proportioned cock.

I am a straight female and whilst neither 'disgusted' or 'horrified', I find nothing remotely aesthetically appealing about a male penis. For me, it is functional at best. I'd rather look at just about anything else. I'm not 'affecting' anything.

I definitely clock general appearance but I can think of dozens upon dozens of men at whose crotch I have never so much as glanced.

I think people are just different.

It is not! I'm only just realising I'm a secret horndog 😂I thought everyone appreciated the bodies and attributes of whichever gender they're attracted to.

There was actually a study a few decades ago where they followed the eyes of people in the room, imagine they were all in a meeting. Various people walked in and out. The results showed that women clocked the genitals (well, the general area) of every man who came in, but so did the men. Just a quick, subconscious peek. They supposed that it was something to do with hierarchy. Nowadays we know a lot more men are interested in men than would admit it, and certainly they wouldn't have admitted it years ago. So maybe it was that, I don't know.

This!

I happily do this too, as do my group of female friends (we are all aged 40-45) We would never cat call or make comments that could be heard by others but we do discuss nice bottoms etc between ourselves.
I'm happily married and happy to make these comments in front of my husband and he's happy to make the same comments in front of me.

I go for twinkly eyes and cheeky smiles, but certainly notice other physical attributes. I admired a gent's chunky buns on a train the other day, then looked up to see that he was quite attractive, though not what I'd call good-looking. If I'd been closer in age, I would undoubtedly have given him a smile, having clocked that he was not wearing a wedding ring. I've only ever once encountered man who was so stunning he left me speechless, and it was mortifying. All I could tell you was that he had the most striking blue eyes I've ever seen, and he was tall. I think there's a big difference between appreciating something/someone and wanting to be with them in a physical sense. Good manners and kind and helpful ways are appealing, lecherous and obvious men, not so much.

Genuinely some people are not pretending. There’s a huge contextual difference for many between someone you genuinely fancy vs random guy toting his meat in profile. And I also think women are capable of finding different “proportions” acceptable depending on the owner.

Personally, I think the notion that women don't/aren't supposed to lust after or objectify men is all part of a fundamentally puritanical and anti-feminist notion that women aren't sexual beings in the same way that men are

I completely agree with this too. Women being free and able to express sexual desire - both conventional and otherwise - was such a key aspect of 90s feminism for me growing up. But MN is a very puritanical place where half the posters will happily boast about preferring chocolate to sex (as though you can't have both). I feel like the prevailing vibe on here is to be so disgusted with male sexuality that straight female sexuality - because it ends up pleasing men as well - is also beyond the pale.

I see a nice looking man and think

I wouldn’t kick him out of bed 😜

if your husband is looking at women and saying things like cor look at the …. On that and it’s making you uncomfortable then that’s a different issue. Why does your husband need to be right? Why do you need to prove him wrong?

I would just let this one go and say uh huh and let him get on with his day

Wasn't there literally a social media meme a few years ago, driven by women, about men's bulges in grey tracksuits? It definitely resonated with me.

I don't really understand it when straight women affect to be disgusted and horrified by penises. Not all penises are attractive, of course, but I always appreciate looking at a nicely proportioned cock.

Speaking of which I think proportion is what catches my eye the most. Bodybuilder-type biceps make me think of roids, the rugby player mountain man physique makes me think they'll run to fat when older, but slim and toned swimmer/tennis player physiques.... mmm yes. Defined arms and chest without being BIG for the sake of it.

Is this a wind-up? 🤣

Such interesting replies to this. I'm not single and yes I absolutely do ogle a bulge. I am certainly in my middle-aged letchy woman era, I hadn't realised other women don't look. A nice bulge is a beautiful thing! A pair of trousers worn well - lovely.

Personally, I think the notion that women don't/aren't supposed to lust after or objectify men is all part of a fundamentally puritanical and anti-feminist notion that women aren't sexual beings in the same way that men are

Definitely.

And much of it is to do with fidelity/polygamy .

"It's natural for us to be polygynous, it's not natural for you to be polygamous".

They always wanted to control access to sex and to control reproduction.

I dated a guy who was very happy to talk about his youthful conquests and very happy to talk about fancying women and very happy to quote Jack Nicholson's line in The Departed "at my age I don't need pussy, but I still like it" etc etc.
If I, in the other hand, said anything at all that indicated I hadn't pursued a past relationship for marriage and had had anything approaching casual sex; he was visibly unnerved and uncomfortable. Conmentd would be made after a bit of rumination about it. To him, women weren't "like that" (conveniently).

Mens legs are the thing I tend to lust over actually (if they're good).

I've just realised I am a perv after all - just been ogling some shirtless builders when I drove dd to the train station.

The difference is like pp's have said, I wouldn't shout "phwoar"! I wanted to, but I didn't want to scare dd.

Exactly, it’s society again. Men have grown up with the expectation to be confident, more brazen, not having to be ‘kind’ and demure. It doesn’t mean we don’t have the same thoughts, it’s just we are not conditioned to express them like that. I see this with other things, especially in meetings. Men are typically more confident, not afraid to make points (even when they’re incorrect!), it doesn’t mean women don’t have the problem solving skills (far from it), but can just be less confident about expressing them (usually because they get talked over!).

No…..I can definitely look at a man with cheap, vulgar appreciation 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

I think the difference is that women generally are a lot more subtle about it and don’t feel the need to voice it.
Ive worked in a lot of pubs, and the amount of middle aged men who’d blatantly speak to my tits instead of my face and not even try to hide it was shocking. And then there’s the ones who genuinely believe they’re in with a chance of me going home with them 🫠🫠🫠
One day I’d had enough and snapped. Said something along the lines of “I am paid to be nice to you”
Same kind of men who go to strip clubs and genuinely think the stripper is in love with them 🫠🫠🫠😂

"I'd climb him like a tree" 😂 The last time I heard that was my friend telling me about Rip in Yellowstone. TBH, I probably would!