Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

289 replies

focuseddreamer · 20/03/2025 09:14

Please can you all help me out as I’m interested to find if AIBU? Named changed for this.
Had a heated discussion with husband earlier this week where it came around to a subject we’ve discussed many times in the past but I always get shut down. Women don’t look at men in the same way as men look at women (I know that’s a very broad statement). So essentially he is saying many men will look at a woman and think “ cor look at the arse on that” and I agree as fundamentally males brains are hard-wired to do that. I am saying that (most) women do not look at men and think the same way. Women are more likely to think “ Cor he’s gorgeous/big/strong/intelligent/charismatic” etc, fundamental difference as women’s brains are hard-wired to look for a good mate to produce healthy off- spring.
Apparently, I’m wrong, I don’t know how women think and a lot of women think about men the same way men think about women!
So I’m interested to think what your thoughts on the subject are please. I’d like to show him the results from a group of women 😊

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 20/03/2025 09:45

ExtraOnions · 20/03/2025 09:33

I can look at a good-looking man, and appreciate him physically. Not bothered if he’s “funny or intelligent” …as I wouldn’t be planning a relationship with him.

For me, intelligence and good sense of humour make someone look more physically attractive.

So if I was in a bar (and I was in my youth. A lot) and was talking to a bloke, if he made me laugh or was clearly intelligent then he would look really sexy. Whereas if he turned out to be dull or dim he would somehow lose the physical attractiveness a bit.

It's like the attributes that are attractive to me somehow get superimposed over the face and body.

I know that sounds weird.

But if we are talking across the street not said a word , then I can't say I take much notice. Possibly a me issue.

Itsalwaysfools · 20/03/2025 09:43

It's age dependent too. Now I'm 50 plus, I never so much as notice men in any kind of sexual way. I only consider them as a physical threat to me.

Ineedthesun80 · 20/03/2025 09:43

Iv had the same argument with dh,iv seen him having a sly look,he said all men and women look,i said,i dont,i respect you,as a pp said i look for danger more than anything.

Disturbia81 · 20/03/2025 09:41

The older I get the more I’m looking at men with “male eyes” so yeah I’m looking at all the physical stuff. It correlates with my sex drive getting stronger. I’ve had it all my life so what’s good for the goose etc
But I never have before! I’ve heard other women talking like that though. I’ve known men who aren’t like that. I think it’s dependant on the individual.. but it is usually a male thing I think.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 20/03/2025 09:39

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 20/03/2025 09:34

Women assess how much of a threat a man is before assessing any physical appeallingness.

I agree with this. But I also don't care how funny he might be if I don't find him attractive.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 20/03/2025 09:37

Also, he's telling you, a woman, that you don't know how women think and that he, a man, knows better than a woman how women think? Fucking nerve of him!

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 20/03/2025 09:34

Women assess how much of a threat a man is before assessing any physical appeallingness.

BlondiePortz · 20/03/2025 09:34

When I have been put on a Friday or Saturday night I would say it can work both ways

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/03/2025 09:34

What’s his problem? Why is it so important for him to make this point? So he objectifies women constantly, does he? And he claims to know - better than you, an actual woman - what women think?

What an idiot.

ExtraOnions · 20/03/2025 09:33

I can look at a good-looking man, and appreciate him physically. Not bothered if he’s “funny or intelligent” …as I wouldn’t be planning a relationship with him.

crackofdoom · 20/03/2025 09:33

Yes, I happily eye men up in a purely physical sense.

No, I do not believe the sexes are half as fundamentally different as made out.

racierach · 20/03/2025 09:32

lol. How does he think he knows what all women think.
I do look at men sometimes and think wow they are good looking etc. (but it’s rare - normally all ugly )

ParrotParty · 20/03/2025 09:31

I think with women the face/eyes/height/hair/general physique is more noticed with attractiveness rather than a just specific body area.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 20/03/2025 09:27

Arses specifically?

I can't speak for all women, but I don't think I've ever lusted after a man's bottom in my life. They really aren't that attractive. Plus I've read far too many stories about men who can't wipe properly and leave skid marks in their pants and on bedsheets. A shitty arse is not a sexy arse.

I like intelligence, kindness, humour. If we are talking physical then a cheeky smile does it for me.