(Most) Women don't look at men the same way men look at women?

@TomatoSandwiches
theres a lot you say that I agree with. It's the nature/nurture debate. Nature means men go for the dopamine rush where women go for the oxytocin. Dopamine hit comes from the chase for men whether comes to winning a partner or winning a race. Gaming etc can fit into the desire to compete and win but also that it nurtures the brain to think in certain ways, as you describe in your post.

Wait until perimenopause hits. I literally look at almost every guy as a potential bed slave 😂

And I have never had these thoughts/feelings before.

Just a few weeks ago I met this guy who had a meeting with someone I know and I chatted to him for a bit first. Never in my life have I ever looked at someone for the first time and thought “fuck yes” before 😂

I once went out with a phwooor bloke. It wasn’t enough, sadly, even though he was also kind and caring.

I find an intelligent sense of humour the sexiest thing of all.

I think a lot of nonsense is talked about women looking always for a good mate from a genetic point of view- there is a slight element of that, but it is not high in the mix.
On the other hand I do think women look at men lustfully (I certainly have, in the past) but mostly women don't look at body parts in isolation, they assess the whole man, I would like to sleep with him, not look at the biceps on that!

And also tell
him to stop effing mansplaining. Or at least play him at his own game; “no, you’re wrong! Men go for women who are funny and charismatic first! Then looks!”

He is wrong. Please show him the countless evidence of good looking women with less good looking men. One goes for what they see, other goes more for how it makes them feel. A generalisation yes but generalisations come from anecdotal evidence!

Yes scroll back. There was a lot of guff upthread about how women simply affect “ horror” and “ disgust “ ( or similar wording ) when claiming they don’t consider them broadly attractive.

Wasn’t apparent until later

When you're younger it's more physical but I think as you grow older you're more attracted to humour, kindness etc. Also think men are attracted by looks, women more by suave and sexiness

^Totally this. He sounds like an arrogant arse.

I agree with you OP - most women do not look at men the same way as most men look at women.

Men are way way WAY more motivated by sex than women are.

I think you are exactly right. You’ve explained it well.

I definitely eye up men.

I also think men eye up women - but for relationships they care waaaay more about personality. So actually the two sexes are very similar imo.

I also grew up with two brothers - so I know how men think/talk about women and know how women think/talk about men they fancy. Stereotypes try to say men and women are different in this regard but we're really not, we're the same

I think 'These men will shag anything is wishful thinking'...
I like confidence and forwardness, this can be problematic as confident and forward men attract women all the time. DP says he can appreciate a handsome man, looks at how they dress, his physique, posture, manner etc. As for women let's just say he's easy to get along with and knows it...

No one has suggested women are athirst for penises.

I completely agree, men look at women and think "I'd shag her", I highly doubt the majority of women look at men and think that

This is all so interesting. I agree with OP.
It's a generalisation but men are more likely to feel attracted to someone from their physical appearance and women are more likely to need in-person chemistry.

So a man could say from seeing a woman from a distance or a photo that he found her attractive enough for sex. However I would observe someone to be aesthetically pleasing (male or female) or not in that scenario, but for an actual attraction to them I'd have to meet and socially communicate with the person to see if I felt the chemistry or not. I'm not saying looks wouldn't come into it but I would need to experience the person as a whole presence.

I don't think I've explained it very well ...

Though I'm amused OP's husband can be sure how women think given that he has never been one!

Why did you marry someone who is, at a very basic level, inconsiderate?

I don’t think men & women’s brains are wired differently. We all look at the menu so to speak and appreciate some eye candy. I do think women can be guilty of double standards. If men make sexual comments about a woman all hell breaks out but somehow it’s seen as acceptable when women make similar comments about men.

I voted YABU because I very much looked at some men in a purely sexual way when I was young and ovulating 😂

I'm a lesbian, and I've never once looked at a woman and thought 'wow great rack' or those kinds of locker room talk thoughts. I've also never thought 'yeah I'd shag her' or whatever, which is how you hear men talk.

Generally when I see other women I'm thinking things like 'wow her nails look cute', 'her hair is lovely', 'I wonder where she got that dress etc'. If it's a woman I fancy, it's still more of a 'she has a beautiful smile, she has a lovely face shape, I'd love to take her on a date' and that kind of thing. If it's someone I fancy, it's all about having a kind/nice face for me, and a good personality/similar morals etc.

I remember speaking to a close male friend, and he talked about the fact that when they're booking a hotel room, the first thing on his mind is sex. Blows my mind as it never once crosses my mind. I'm thinking about the view and the price 🤣 He also said when they go to the beach, he's just thinking about the bikini and sex 🤷 When I see girls in a bikini I'm wondering where they got it from and thinking the colours are cute.

It's not true for everyone, but I think men look at women in a more sexual way than we look at men (or women if you're gay). I think there is a biological component to this. Men have more testosterone and are typically more sexually driven, and in terms of the survival of the species, men will unconsciously be looking for attractive mates to spread their genes with. Women unconsciously in terms of biology will more be on the lookout for a kind, good man, thus ensuring survival of her offspring. I think we like to think we're better than that, but it's hard to fight millions of years or evolution whether we realise it or not.

However, I do think there's a huge societal component. It's normalised for men to objectify and sexualised women. Under patriarchy, the most important thing about a woman is how attractive and fuckable she is.

On a flip note, I've heard my friends privately talking how how hot men are, muscles etc, many times. I think the difference is women don't typically cat call and ogle in an obviously creepy way. I think maybe women are more aware of not doing it, because they themselves experience it regularly and it can obviously be uncomfortable! (To be clear, I'm not talking about a quick up and down glance if you see someone hot, I think that's fine!)

As a man, speaking from my own experience of attraction, there is not one specific body type or feature that I can put my finger on and say I will be attracted to women with that feature. I do have an affinity for women with short hair, can't explain why but it is there. There are some women I will view as pretty after one look but that doesn't mean I am going to start pursuing her. Occasionally I see a woman and think "wow", in a similar way as when I climbed to the summit of Slioch in the NW highlands and got the full 360 panorama on a beautiful warm sunny day (see attached photo). That would be down to the overall appearance, not a single physical property. Other times I might not be attracted to a woman until I get to know her better and find out her values and how she has lived her life. Someone with high morals and compassion to less fortunate people is very attractive to me. Someone who is affectionate towards me and cares is also very attractive. I know a couple of women who fit the last two sentences, they are older than me and married so am clearly not interested in a relationship, but if their personality traits were in a woman of around my age and single, I would be looking to ask her out, such women have the attractiveness of a cosmic black hole to me.

Being attracted to someone is different to finding something attractive about them whether that is nice eyes or bum or a small act of kindness witnessed. Thinking someone has lovely eyes doesn't necessarily mean you want to take him to bed, it's just something attractive about that person.

The truth is some women do genuinely make comments because they have found something physically attractive in the man, others don't. I don't thinks it an all or most situation, some do, some don't.

How can you possibly assess this unless you have interacted with the man many times?

I look at hair, eyes and if they have their sleeves rolled up I love that. Don’t much care about weight, arse, not keen on big muscles I guess I like softer looking men, kind looking.

I imagine tastes change depending on your history of abuse etc.