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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not pay for an unwanted child?

516 replies

Anudawan · 19/03/2025 21:00

Hypothetical.

it came up at work today.

if the pregnancy was a result of a one night stand, regardless of whether precautions were taken, if the man doesn’t want the pregnancy and the woman decides to continue, should he be able to opt out of child support?

my personal answer and I’m not sure on the nuance (ie do you have be on the birth certificate and thus can claim parental responsibility in order to be compelled to pay maintenance or a dna test to compel the man) my personal answer is no, he cannot or shouldn’t be able to opt out once the child is born. All sex (with a woman of reproductive age) carries the risk of pregnancy, you can lower the risk but never fully remove it. Abstinence is the only way to do that. To do the action you’ve got to be prepared for the consequences. It’s very easy to flippantly say ‘get an abortion’ but for some women that isn’t viable.

OP posts:
LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 23:01

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:38

Well done you! And all by not holding men accountable once! Just like everyone on here suggesting men can never be responsible for anything they do.

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So you understand the comparison?

Saying that men shouldn't have sex if they don't want to trapped by women who lie about the pill is not holding the women accountable.

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:58

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:37

I never mentioned stealthing or rape. I mentioned jizzing without consent.

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You literally said 'Nope that is not rape. Rape is penetrating without consent not jizzing without consent.' Confused

You clearly did mention rape.

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:49

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:45

Nope I just don’t open my legs to Tom dick and harry on one night stands and expect them to turn around and become father to my ‘special’ child.

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So children only happen on drunken ONS (of which the woman has had many but not the man) or through marriage with virgins, right?

Original poster
Anudawan · 23/03/2025 22:48

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:44

You’re pressed because I’m stating facts. When people are not ready to become parents you cannot force that. When you get that in your head you will also understand that it affects the child more than anyone. Pick ur partners wisely.

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Stating facts yet can’t cite them? Interesting .

the father of my children is my husband who I’ve been married to for 10 years. But thanks for your advice

OP posts:
whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:47

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:45

Nope I just don’t open my legs to Tom dick and harry on one night stands and expect them to turn around and become father to my ‘special’ child.

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Because them mens are whores aren't they?! ha! Tom and Harry be dirty dicks! ha ha! The SEN thread is elsewhere if you wish to discuss your child.

Original poster
Anudawan · 23/03/2025 22:46

Icyboy · 23/03/2025 22:12

I actually said 60% of women don't pay when the father's have custody of the their children only 40% pay but women always have an excuse and what's more infuriating is the fact you actually convince each other men are the problem Confused

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Ok well the point still stands if it’s 40% or 60%

men are clearly the problem, because you’ve not come back on a single other of my points?

look at the portion of single fathers to single mothers and you’ll see who is abandoning their children with greater frequency

OP posts:
shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:45

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:37

Is that the only way you have ever had sex - missionary! ha ha!

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Nope I just don’t open my legs to Tom dick and harry on one night stands and expect them to turn around and become father to my ‘special’ child.

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:44

Anudawan · 23/03/2025 22:42

*their

But the one contraception option men have, is the most accessible, comes with the least side effects and is the only one that prevents STIs

patriarchy really does shield men from the consequences of their actions doesn’t it? Your outrage at basic cause and effect shows that

Show quote history

You’re pressed because I’m stating facts. When people are not ready to become parents you cannot force that. When you get that in your head you will also understand that it affects the child more than anyone. Pick ur partners wisely.

Original poster
Anudawan · 23/03/2025 22:42

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 21:57

Ffs men can never win. Everything is there fault even when a women has all that contraception and all options to opt out. They do not have that privilege it’s acc unfair.

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*their

But the one contraception option men have, is the most accessible, comes with the least side effects and is the only one that prevents STIs

patriarchy really does shield men from the consequences of their actions doesn’t it? Your outrage at basic cause and effect shows that

OP posts:
whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:38

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:33

So where does this end?

Marital rape wouldn't be a problem if women just didn't get married, right?

Spousal abuse wouldn't happen either if they stayed unmarried?

Maternity discrimination? Simples. Just don't have kids.

Catcalled by a builder? Well, didn't have to walk past a building site did you?

In fact, women could just stay unmarried and never leave the house and they'd never have any problems from men. Get a wfh job and have groceries delivered. See, I just solved the issue of male violence. 😂

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Well done you! And all by not holding men accountable once! Just like everyone on here suggesting men can never be responsible for anything they do.

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:37

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:30

If the legs stay closed believe me they wouldn’t be in that predicament. I have three kids from one man. We both consented he is an active father and I would never settle for less ever in my life.

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Is that the only way you have ever had sex - missionary! ha ha!

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:37

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:22

Why have you reposted exactly the same thing when I already linked an article explaining that 'stealthing' is legally classified as rape?

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I never mentioned stealthing or rape. I mentioned jizzing without consent.

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:33

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:20

Men are free to jizz outside of a vagina then if they do not wish to have that to deal with. If she says no then it means no.

Edited
Show quote history

So where does this end?

Marital rape wouldn't be a problem if women just didn't get married, right?

Spousal abuse wouldn't happen either if they stayed unmarried?

Maternity discrimination? Simples. Just don't have kids.

Catcalled by a builder? Well, didn't have to walk past a building site did you?

In fact, women could just stay unmarried and never leave the house and they'd never have any problems from men. Get a wfh job and have groceries delivered. See, I just solved the issue of male violence. 😂

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:33

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:30

If the legs stay closed believe me they wouldn’t be in that predicament. I have three kids from one man. We both consented he is an active father and I would never settle for less ever in my life.

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Not just for me but for my kids also I could never put them in a predicament to where I say your dad hasn’t come to get you or he doesn’t want to contribute or anything like that. You literally instilling hatred in the child

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 22:30

Icyboy · 23/03/2025 22:12

I actually said 60% of women don't pay when the father's have custody of the their children only 40% pay but women always have an excuse and what's more infuriating is the fact you actually convince each other men are the problem Confused

Show quote history

If the legs stay closed believe me they wouldn’t be in that predicament. I have three kids from one man. We both consented he is an active father and I would never settle for less ever in my life.

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:22

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 20:54

Nope that is not rape. Rape is penetrating without consent not jizzing without consent.

The two actions are different. You can absolutely consent to sex and say no to being jizzed in.

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Why have you reposted exactly the same thing when I already linked an article explaining that 'stealthing' is legally classified as rape?

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:20

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:18

Yeah, of course. The woman should be free to have the child. However, whether or not the man should pay is another matter entirely.

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Men are free to jizz outside of a vagina then if they do not wish to have that to deal with. If she says no then it means no.

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:18

JorgyPorgy · 23/03/2025 20:36

Clearly it is the woman’s body so it is her decision to make . If we can’t have ownership of our own bodies then you are a slave.

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Yeah, of course. The woman should be free to have the child. However, whether or not the man should pay is another matter entirely.

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:18

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:16

Wouldn't it just!

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Men do! ha! Now imagine if you never realised how often men do!

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:16

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 17:55

Imagine roles were reversed and men can trap women with babies. This comment section will differ for sure.

Wouldn't it just!

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:14

Icyboy · 23/03/2025 22:12

I actually said 60% of women don't pay when the father's have custody of the their children only 40% pay but women always have an excuse and what's more infuriating is the fact you actually convince each other men are the problem Confused

Show quote history

You said 60% of women do not pay and of those 60%, 45% are druggies, ran away with other men and have given the child up for adoption.

Now why would she need to pay the father if the child has been give up for adoption? Makes no sense! He has no responsibility as the adoptive parents now have the child. So who is she meant to pay?

So that leaves 15% of those women not paying - of which will include some who are dead so unable to pay from beyond the grave. Some incarcerated so unable to pay and some who are feckless.

Now given that 33% of mothers do not receive payment this means more women pay than men do.

15% not paying vs 33% not paying. Also 66% of women say they have to chace men for the money.

Icyboy · 23/03/2025 22:12

Anudawan · 23/03/2025 21:56

So delve more into that… 45% of those mothers who (according to you) don’t pay for their children. If they are drug addicts in recovery, using or in prison they have no means to do so, it’s not denying maternity to opt out or to cheat the system to pay as little as possible.

also how long does this persist for? Are the majority addicts for the child’s whole life? Sure some are, but all? Or are some temporarily losing custody whilst sorting their life out and then return to be a co parent?

Now to answer your question is it the man’s fault he had a child with a drug user… yes. Yes it is. He should’ve used protection, especially considering he was having unprotected sex with a drug user. Hope that helps.

also as always when you make a claim, bring evidence to support it.

also when women give their child up from adoption it’s typically because the father is also not around or else it wouldn’t be adoption

Show quote history

I actually said 60% of women don't pay when the father's have custody of the their children only 40% pay but women always have an excuse and what's more infuriating is the fact you actually convince each other men are the problem Confused

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 22:05

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 21:57

Ffs men can never win. Everything is there fault even when a women has all that contraception and all options to opt out. They do not have that privilege it’s acc unfair.

Show quote history

He had contraception at hand and the option to opt out. He chose not to do either.

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 21:57

Anudawan · 23/03/2025 21:56

So delve more into that… 45% of those mothers who (according to you) don’t pay for their children. If they are drug addicts in recovery, using or in prison they have no means to do so, it’s not denying maternity to opt out or to cheat the system to pay as little as possible.

also how long does this persist for? Are the majority addicts for the child’s whole life? Sure some are, but all? Or are some temporarily losing custody whilst sorting their life out and then return to be a co parent?

Now to answer your question is it the man’s fault he had a child with a drug user… yes. Yes it is. He should’ve used protection, especially considering he was having unprotected sex with a drug user. Hope that helps.

also as always when you make a claim, bring evidence to support it.

also when women give their child up from adoption it’s typically because the father is also not around or else it wouldn’t be adoption

Show quote history

Ffs men can never win. Everything is there fault even when a women has all that contraception and all options to opt out. They do not have that privilege it’s acc unfair.

Original poster
Anudawan · 23/03/2025 21:56

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 21:13

Almost 45% of women have either ran off with another man, addicted to drugs, or given their child up for adoption. Is this a man’s fault also.

Show quote history

So delve more into that… 45% of those mothers who (according to you) don’t pay for their children. If they are drug addicts in recovery, using or in prison they have no means to do so, it’s not denying maternity to opt out or to cheat the system to pay as little as possible.

also how long does this persist for? Are the majority addicts for the child’s whole life? Sure some are, but all? Or are some temporarily losing custody whilst sorting their life out and then return to be a co parent?

Now to answer your question is it the man’s fault he had a child with a drug user… yes. Yes it is. He should’ve used protection, especially considering he was having unprotected sex with a drug user. Hope that helps.

also as always when you make a claim, bring evidence to support it.

also when women give their child up from adoption it’s typically because the father is also not around or else it wouldn’t be adoption

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