To not pay for an unwanted child?

Those are not "rules" as such. It's how biology works.

If you (general you) want to have sex then you (general you) need to take on board the possible consequences. In the case of men the biological reality is once you've deposited your sperm in a vagina you've lost control of the consequences.

Abstinence sounds pretty joyless tbh.

Perhaps all males, on reaching the age of consent, should have a vasectomy instead. Reversible only when prepared to acknowledge the reality of unplanned pregnancy, the responsibilities etc etc.

Win/win.

@Bertiel33 I'm a woman but childfree so I seem to have a different perspective to most posters. I don't want a child for moral reasons and I know I never have to have one. If a woman has an unwanted pregnancy I doubt posters would say "fuck around and find out" or "should've kept your legs closed" but if a man came on here and said his gf is having a pregnancy HE doesn't want, oh boy the responses would be totally different. Why don't you say "women stay abstinent during all your fertile years if you don't want a baby"? Surely you don't think abortion is a good form of birth control?

This actually brings up many ethical questions for any of us who are sexually active.

My personal feeling is that we are all responsible for protecting ourselves from STI's and pregnancy where applicable. A sensible woman having sex and not wanting pregnancy will use both the pill and insist on condoms with her partner. A man should be using condoms to avoid the aforementioned.

If both fail, it isn't unreasonable for either partner to say they are not in the position to bring up a child.

Before anybody gets offended. Lets be honest with ourselves. How many parents would probably encourage teenage sons or daughters to consider termination if a pregnancy occured.

Now you get it! The rules are different for men and women.
Men- choose where your sperm goes wisely or accept the financial burden.
Women- have an abortion or be prepared to raise a child alone including the risks to health, affect on career progression and heavy financial burden.

3 is just not really feasible for most people. Adults just never having sex or experiencing a full relationship (in the eyes of most people) because they don't want a child? It's extreme, and I say that as someone who is abstinent. The rules are clearly different for men and women.

@Slawbans yep, many men are unwilling to be honest about the risk they impose on women during sex.

But they do have choices if they want assuredly consequence-free ejaculation - a wank or vasectomy.

It really is that simple.

@Firefly1987 this was a response to your question

sex is a risky activity
as it is the risk for the man is lower. He risks his future wealth , although not to the extent a woman does. He does not risk his future health (mental and physical) or indeed his life like a woman does.

yet here we are discussing if we should make sex less risky for men

Women have no choice in dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. I don't know about you (I'm not sure if you are female or male) but it is something I have been very conscious of since I was sexually active.

So yes I've been very aware that I could become pregnant from sex and that would wholly be my responsibility because in our society men can easily walk away. I have been responsible for contraception which has sometimes given me horrible side effects. Most women i know accept this is the deal for us. Why can't men accept the deal for them?

Well that almost trumps the post I said was one of the stupidest things I'd read on MN.

Er yes. Actually I think contraceptives are more reliable than some posters would have you believe. My success rate with contraception was 100% but had no difficulty getting pregnant when I wanted.

But to answer your question- Options for women are 1. Be really, really careful about contraception.

1. Be prepared to have an abortion or give birth.

So women should just never have sex either then if they don't want a child.

You don't kill children put for adoption.

The point is women are not forced to provide in anyway for children they don't want. If a man doesn't want a child he should have a window of time once he's notified to terminate his parental rights and responsibilities. Just like women who give their child up are not held responsible for that child.

They do, they have the option not to have sex with the woman they don't want a child with. It's really not hard.

Not having sex with someone you arent particularly attatched to and going through pregnancy to then give away the child or going through an abortion are hardly comparable.

As I have said, men have the exact same choice over their reproduction as women do. It just involves them not sticking their penis in someone unless they want to accept the responsibility.

Yes this quite honestly. Neither of adopted DS parents wanted him, so they didn't have him. They gave him to me (via the courts obviously). And I pay for him. They have no say in anything to do with him and most people think that is entirely correct. And they don't and never have paid a penny towards his care.
The birth Dad doesn't pay child maintenance to me as he wants nothing to do with DS. I want DS so I am expected to foot the bill for him entirely. I took him on, it's my responsibility.
Should it really be different if his unwanted child lives with the birth mum? Personally I want useless and uncaring parents well away from these kids. People generally don't make a good job of parenting if they resent the child. And quite a lot of these dad's and some mum's completely destroyed their children.

Baby is placed in the care of the state

It's easy for some, harder for others, but it's still a choice. Women have choices to get rid of children they don't want. A man wanting nothing to do with an unwanted child is no different then a woman giving her child up for adoption or aborting. Both don't want to raise that child. The only difference is women are given the ability to get rid of unwanted children.

And don't have a lot of options. They have one! Condoms are the only birth control option for men.
For those saying a man should get a vasectomy if they don't want a kid at that point in their life, should women who choose to get an abortion be sterilized? Why not?

For those arguing the man should be allowed to opt out, what do you suggest happens to the child born as a result if the mother is opposed to abortion but also does not want to be responsible for the child?

The mother can't name the father on the birth certificate unless he is present (unless they are married). So if he's not going, she can't do anything. He can apply to the court to be added on if he wishes. So, it's the father that has control in this situation.

So ‘random men’ get a pass for consequence-free hot sex but women don’t?

Interesting.

The difference is where the choice ends. Mens choice ends when the sperm leaves his body. No contraception is 100% effective so he can choose to accept the risk if pregnancy or solely have sex with women he wants to procreate with.

That's the crux of the matter. Everything else is just whataboutery. It's a simple biological reality.

my opinion is controversial as well…

I think that on the whole men should be responsible for maintaining both a financial as well as an emotional responsibility towards their child. However I think that there is one exception, which is if the woman fails to name him on the birth certificate.

If you want the father to be responsible for the child then that should be in every way, you shouldn’t just get to pick or choose.

The state would have to change to make it so that the woman could add the man’s name to the birth certificate at the time of registration, so if she failed to do so then she wouldn’t be able to pursue him for maintenance.

But otherwise he should pay.

And have parental responsibility.

if a man doesn’t want a child then he absolutely shouldn’t be having unprotected sex in a short term relationship. I presume that longer term relationships are built on trust and so that is different.

But likewise, if a woman doesn’t want a man to have parental responsibility for a child they have created together, then she shouldn’t be having unprotected sex, or should go into the pregnancy knowing that if she doesn’t give him responsibility then she will be raising the child alone.

This!