To not pay for an unwanted child?

Despite being with my DH for most of my life I have thought about this a lot, usually when I hear about someones sisters friend’s neighbour that is expecting with a ONS or her boyfriend of 10 minutes.

I would much prefer the father in that situation to just disappear and want nothing more to do with us than try to navigate co parenting with a stranger/arsehole. I have seen too many awkward, messy and toxic co parenting agreements for that and don’t think the money would ever make up for sharing custody or having to consider them in my decision making.

If they used protection and the man states he doesn’t want kids and the woman ended up pregnant he shouldn’t be trapped for 18-20 years paying for that kid whether it’s £100 a month or not. Why does everyone keep saying “oh men shouldn’t have sex if they don’t want a baby” that’s just silly.
It’s 2025, there’s loads of birth control out there and the morning after pill exists. It’s easier than ever to not get pregnant. I don’t think it should be 50/50 if the man has said he didn’t want to be a dad.

I am prochoice. But this rhetoric has been used by prolifers. If you start blaming men for not being in control of their contraception, it’s a slippery slope down to saying the same of women. Which is why I wouldn’t use this argument.

Surely you'd say women should just not have sex at all either then if they don't want a baby and don't want an abortion?

Yes they can, don't have sex. It doesn't affect the man's body for the woman to have an abortion but it can be fatal for a woman to have an abortion (rare nowadays if done properly but still traumatising, painful and damaging) why should a woman put herself through that if she doesn't want to.its only fair that she pays and the man pays ...let's be honest, the woman will house, feed and do and pay for everything forever for that child whilst a man moans at paying £100 a month for them.. so it's not like it would be 50/50 anyway

No he can't opt out! He had sex.. and that's what happens when you have sex, you sometimes make a baby! It's so easy for men to say "just get rid" it's the woman's body that has to go through that! It can be dangerous, it can be painful and distressing whilst the man feels nothing! A woman has every right not to want to harm her body in a way that an abortion does. If you don't want to risk that, don't have sex at all

Nope not always. She can always drop it on her doorstep and walk away and then he can be responsible and he can claim money off her if he wants.

Men most certainly have a choice. The choice to jizz into a vagina.

If they jizz where it is not wanted then they have made that choice. They know the possible outcome of that.

So they have a choice at that point not to have a baby. If they do not want one then they should not jizz where it isn't wanted.

The poster said: women should always be allowed to bully a man into a child they don't want!

There is not a single post here that says anything of the sort. The potential child has already been created. It was created when the couple had sex. Not after the fact when the woman gets to make a decision about the baby she is carrying in her body. Not one post here has said a woman should bully a man into sex to have a child. Unless of course, but ‘bullying a man into a child they don’t want’ the poster actually meant ‘not having the abortion the man wants her to have’.

Whether the man pays or not doesn’t stop him having a child. He has one. And as he has one, he has a responsibility to that child.

I’m not sure what you are talking about with forced pregnancies. Those usually occur when women aren’t able to make a choice and that is a whole different topic. Are you trying to suggest men, who’ve had sex, have had pregnancies forced on them?

I try to avoid American politics where possible, but the comments don't surprise me. That's right-wing America though so hardly something to aspire to be like. And I'm guessing you don't agree with those types of comments either, so why think men should have to abide by them?

Are you suggesting that she should be locked in a room & forced to carry an unwanted child to full term and then hand it over to the dad. Are you honestly that warped?

Why are you obsessed with it being only about one party! Not many decent women want to turn their lives upside down having a baby to a complete.stranger! You need to accept that!

I do think it's different- abortion is the only alternative to pregnancy and birth. Which is why it's a medical issue that only affects the female body. There are multiple alternatives to parenting which affects everyone involved. So to me these are very separate issues and the reason why a woman has the right to choose what happens to her body but a man should still be responsible for a child he co-created by not being responsible for his own contraception.

And by that same logic... if a man isn't prepared to pay to raise a child HE should have used contraception.

I do think you should pay, as it’s for the child, unless both parties agree to the man opting out.
However, I don’t like the idea of saying “you had sex, what do you expect?” As this can be used in the abortion debate as reason why women can’t get one as they should have known about the consequences .

Are you in the wrong thread? Lots of posts talk about women being all happy to be single mothers & forcing men to pay for it and as for the comment about sex, nobody has to agree to an unwanted child to have sex! Child free couples that don't want kids tend to go.iit of their way to not have them! Sensible child free couples won't often have an accidental pregnancy but it they do, it's their decision if they go ahead with it or not! Pregnancies are not cast in stone and people do not become choiceless robots! Forced pregnancies benefit nobody and certainly not the child!

But women get the choice if she’s kept the baby it’s because it’s a choice she could make, men can’t

She does! What do you think women do when they have a child that was unplanned? They pay for it!

you have sex in any context the result is always a possible pregnancy. So yes the guy should pay, the women will look after the children, and often pays much more. Child support is not a reward for the mother

Wtf imagine telling a woman she loses the right to any decisions the minute she’s had sex and that she will have to pay for a child she didn’t want for the next 18 years.

I very much believe that men lose the right to say what happens the second they willingly have sex. Pregnancy is a perfectly normal result of having sex and no contraception is ever going to be fool proof. We need to raise a generation of boys that are taught to protect their emissions and basically be the gatekeepers to pregnancy. Because once you have had sex you have zero say over what that woman does with her body and it can it be incredibly expensive. I also think that child support should be legally enforceable and parents that don’t cough up should be prosecuted through the courts.

If the woman isn't prepared to pay to raise a child she should have used contraception.

I understand but it’s the same risk the woman takes but she is able to abort if she wishes in the u.k. If this is your attitude, then surely you have to also disagree with abortion as the risk is being taken by both parties? A man should have no rights to force a woman to abort but he should be able to say he does not want any involvement.

As a woman it's disturbing to see the amount of comments on here suggesting that women should always be allowed to bully a man into a child they don't want!

There is not a single post on here that says anything close to that. This isn’t about a woman bullying a man to make a baby. This is the result of after they’ve had sex (hint, he’s already been party to making the baby, no bullying required).

Though I’m guessing what you actually are trying to say it that it’s not fair men can’t bully women into abortions.

For starters I feel annoyed at the heartless people on here claiming that couples that don't want to have kids, have no right to have a normal healthy sex life!

Heartless? Yes, those poor suffering individuals who best remain celibate if they can’t take responsibility for their actions. We should raise an awareness campaign and get Bono to sing a little song for them.

Or, you know, they could have sex with contraception and accept it’s not infallible and the consequence may be parenthood.