To not pay for an unwanted child?

Anudawan · 2025-03-19T21:00:05+00:00

Hypothetical. it came up at work today. if the pregnancy was a result of a one night stand, regardless of whether precautions were taken, if the man doesn’t want the pregnancy and the woman decides to continue, should he be able to opt out of child support? my personal answer and I’m not sure on the nuance (ie do you have be on the birth certificate and thus can claim parental responsibility in order to be compelled to pay maintenance or a dna test to compel the man) my personal answer is no, he cannot or shouldn’t be able to opt out once the child is born. All sex (with a woman of reproductive age) carries the risk of pregnancy, you can lower the risk but never fully remove it. Abstinence is the only way to do that. To do the action you’ve got to be prepared for the consequences. It’s very easy to flippantly say ‘get an abortion’ but for some women that isn’t viable.

Original poster

Anudawan · 25/03/2025 19:23

shejokes11 · 25/03/2025 08:56

Honestly just get a life I can’t be bothered for you

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Your posts are honestly out of this world, and so offensive.

i can’t work out if you’re serious or not

OP posts:

whippy1981 · 25/03/2025 09:07

shejokes11 · 25/03/2025 08:56

Honestly just get a life I can’t be bothered for you

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I take that as being that you cannot quote me - so you lied. Thank you for admitting it.

shejokes11 · 25/03/2025 08:56

whippy1981 · 25/03/2025 08:56

I didn't take any dig at SEN kids at all. What dig did I make - please quote me.

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Honestly just get a life I can’t be bothered for you

whippy1981 · 25/03/2025 08:56

shejokes11 · 23/03/2025 23:22

I don’t mind she took a dig at SEN children. When I was saying special meaning that women have one night stands with men and expect them to father their ‘special’ child when there’s multiple other women using the exact methods to prevent. Let’s not go there about vile. Vile is entrapping people and forcing children to be born without father figures just because you expect the man to step up when they clearly said NO.

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I didn't take any dig at SEN kids at all. What dig did I make - please quote me.

Surf2Live · 25/03/2025 05:57

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OMG

this comment is bordering on abusive

telling me my head's up my arse is incredibly rude

give your head a wee wobble

BigFatLiar · 24/03/2025 21:08

If a man is really concerned about having an unwanted child then he simply doesn't have sex with the women. Women have options in the case of unwanted pregnancy not so men especially as contraception isn't always effective. Just don't do it. If it's that important to her to have sex let her find another male to do it with, one who probably doesn't care and may well disappear if children appear on the scene. Her choice, and he (the original man) had probably dodged a bullet.

Anudawan · 24/03/2025 18:36

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shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 18:26

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Surf2Live · 24/03/2025 18:00

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 09:42

If roles were reversed and a women didn’t want the child. You would say it’s her body her choice. ??? Right. So why don’t men have that option.

because.... it's not their body that gets pregnant?

they can choose who to have sex with and when

they may cry that it's not fair, but then it's not fair that women have to go through pregnancy, childbirth and are most often the ones literally left holding the baby so...

life's not fair

get a helmet

Original poster

Anudawan · 24/03/2025 11:34

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 09:42

If roles were reversed and a women didn’t want the child. You would say it’s her body her choice. ??? Right. So why don’t men have that option.

Because actions have consequences.

sex sometimes has consequences, sometimes it’s an Sti, sometimes it’s an unwanted pregnancy. Let’s say in this instance it’s a failure of contraception.

There are situations when the man and woman will be joined up about what to do, either in keeping the baby or not. abortion isn’t contraception, there are many reasons why a woman cannot bring herself to terminate, the physical and psychological toll of an unwanted procedure would be immense. In this scenario she is shackled with the consequences of sex either an unwanted medical procedure or pregnancy and a child. The only positive of an abortion in this instance is that the man doesn’t have to pay, doesn’t have to inconvenience himself. Would he be there at the hospital with her supporting her? What about the after math would he be there too? Unlikely! So yes, he had sex, they both did but one person isn’t to shoulder the consequences alone. And the child support is honestly shamefully low anyway and isn’t representative of the true cost of raising a child (financially, physically, emotionally or opportunity cost).

as always men aren’t the victims here. Patriarchy has meant men are shielded from the consequences of their actions.

and btw the reason that children of single fathers may fair better in life, is due to the village and lack of fatherhood penalty. A man’s earnings are not capped with children. The circumstances by which he becomes a single father. Age at which he is a single dad. And the village, the amount of support he has, the grandparents often playing a large role in the rearing of children, with the grandmother taking up a maternal figure. The same is not often the case for single mothers, where if they were born to a single mother too, often have no male figure in the child’s life, a gap which is often filled by the wrong sort of male, that’s how gangs recruit.

OP posts:

BrandNewHeretic · 24/03/2025 11:07

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 09:42

If roles were reversed and a women didn’t want the child. You would say it’s her body her choice. ??? Right. So why don’t men have that option.

Surely that's fairly obvious 🤦🏼‍♂️

VintageFollie · 24/03/2025 10:05

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 09:42

If roles were reversed and a women didn’t want the child. You would say it’s her body her choice. ??? Right. So why don’t men have that option.

Because it's not their body so it's not their choice 🤷‍♀️

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 09:42

If roles were reversed and a women didn’t want the child. You would say it’s her body her choice. ??? Right. So why don’t men have that option.

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 09:42

Surf2Live · 24/03/2025 08:11

I have one child, conceived within marriage, a son.

I have advised him that he should be responsible and not have unprotected sex. To protect himself against STIs and also to protect himself against unwanted pregnancy.

I make sure he knows to use condoms properly; to put one on properly and to use plenty of lubrication. Because most condom failure is due to improper use, mostly not enough lubrication which causes tears.

I have also taught him basic biology, so he knows how babies are made. He also knows that once he has been a 50% participant in creating a pregnancy he can voice his opinion on the outcome, but he is not the final decision maker. He cannot force a woman to undergo an abortion, nor can he force a woman to carry a pregnancy to term. Which means after sex, he has no control over the following outcome.

I do hope you are also teaching your sons to respect women as human beings with full agency over their bodies, about consent (for both them and their sexual partners) and to be responsible with contraception for their own safety.

Because from the way you are speaking here in this thread I suspect you may not be teaching them to be responsible individuals. I suspect you are teaching them to shirk responsibility and that women have it all their way and women are out to trap them and women are horrible not to be trusted human beings.

I do so hope my suspicions are incorrect.

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Your suspicions are incorrect. My whole point is that children should be conceived with agreement of both parties. If it’s an accident then measures should be taken as you know that the person will not step up. Same applies to a women if she doesn’t want the baby she can go through the options discussed a male cannot force her.

JorgyPorgy · 24/03/2025 09:12

Anudawan · 24/03/2025 07:46

The internalised misogyny is strong with you

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Agreed!

BigFatLiar · 24/03/2025 08:21

thatsfunnybecause · 19/03/2025 21:30

Do you not apply this rule to women too?

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Of course. However women have the option of morning after pill or abortion so its not the same plus a lot of women are OK with motherhood, just check out the number seeking to be single parents.

It's easy to say 'just don't have sex' but a lot of women enjoy a sexual relationship and a boyfriend who says no isn't going to be a boyfriend for long.

Surf2Live · 24/03/2025 08:11

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 01:10

I have two boys and not you or the prime minister can force them to strip up to a role they didn’t sign up for. Yes if that’s bad then I don’t care. I bet your partner will have none of it if your pregnant that’s why your here arguing like an absolute freak.

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I have one child, conceived within marriage, a son.

I have advised him that he should be responsible and not have unprotected sex. To protect himself against STIs and also to protect himself against unwanted pregnancy.

I make sure he knows to use condoms properly; to put one on properly and to use plenty of lubrication. Because most condom failure is due to improper use, mostly not enough lubrication which causes tears.

I have also taught him basic biology, so he knows how babies are made. He also knows that once he has been a 50% participant in creating a pregnancy he can voice his opinion on the outcome, but he is not the final decision maker. He cannot force a woman to undergo an abortion, nor can he force a woman to carry a pregnancy to term. Which means after sex, he has no control over the following outcome.

I do hope you are also teaching your sons to respect women as human beings with full agency over their bodies, about consent (for both them and their sexual partners) and to be responsible with contraception for their own safety.

Because from the way you are speaking here in this thread I suspect you may not be teaching them to be responsible individuals. I suspect you are teaching them to shirk responsibility and that women have it all their way and women are out to trap them and women are horrible not to be trusted human beings.

I do so hope my suspicions are incorrect.

Original poster

Anudawan · 24/03/2025 07:46

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 01:10

I have two boys and not you or the prime minister can force them to strip up to a role they didn’t sign up for. Yes if that’s bad then I don’t care. I bet your partner will have none of it if your pregnant that’s why your here arguing like an absolute freak.

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The internalised misogyny is strong with you

OP posts:

whippy1981 · 24/03/2025 04:58

Firefly1987 · 24/03/2025 01:21

Because it's much more pleasant without I assume. If a woman is using something that is 99% effective that's pretty good odds she won't get pregnant...if she says she isn't using anything then yes absolutely he should wear something. The issue is the pill failing way more than it statistically should...

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Or he is claiming she was on the pill to excuse his lack or responsibility and to excuse his coercion and then blame her so it appears to be the case. I imagine it is a combination of all to be fair.

JorgyPorgy · 24/03/2025 04:55

LastRoIo · 23/03/2025 22:18

Yeah, of course. The woman should be free to have the child. However, whether or not the man should pay is another matter entirely.

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Yes of course. Exactly this. Why would you think anything else is right?

whippy1981 · 24/03/2025 04:55

RustyNails · 23/03/2025 23:56

Why are so many women having sex with men and not making them use a condom. It's simple no condom no sex

Almost 50% of women have been coerced by men with regards to contraception. That is a huge amount. We need to be asking why that is happening and what can be done to change it.

whippy1981 · 24/03/2025 04:53

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 01:10

I have two boys and not you or the prime minister can force them to strip up to a role they didn’t sign up for. Yes if that’s bad then I don’t care. I bet your partner will have none of it if your pregnant that’s why your here arguing like an absolute freak.

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*you're

My partner would want me to keep it if I was. He doesn't want one but our discussion that we have already had as mature adults about what if - he has said he would want to have the child. He is a muslim and so against abortion so he said it would be God's will.

Mate you keep projecting your insecurities onto me and trying to use them as an insult. It shows you lack immaturity when saying all the things that YOU worry about clearly with your partner. Maybe your relationship isn't that stable as you think if this is what is on your mind.

VintageFollie · 24/03/2025 03:28

If men want to take the risk then they have to accept the possible consequences. Simple as that really.

Firefly1987 · 24/03/2025 01:21

BrandNewHeretic · 24/03/2025 01:07

Why are so many men, with agency over their own bodies and without needing anyone to "force" them, having sex without using a condom. It's simple, no condom no sex.

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Because it's much more pleasant without I assume. If a woman is using something that is 99% effective that's pretty good odds she won't get pregnant...if she says she isn't using anything then yes absolutely he should wear something. The issue is the pill failing way more than it statistically should...

shejokes11 · 24/03/2025 01:10

whippy1981 · 23/03/2025 23:39

Not all women get stretch marks. Abuse is more common than that. Stress? I never mentioned stress.

You just do not know much about abuse in pregnancy and no I am not talking bollocks. You just cannot hold men to account for abuse or anything.

No wonder we have entitled boys growing up who treat women as they do with women like you as mothers.

Edited

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I have two boys and not you or the prime minister can force them to strip up to a role they didn’t sign up for. Yes if that’s bad then I don’t care. I bet your partner will have none of it if your pregnant that’s why your here arguing like an absolute freak.