It’s goodbye from me

In all seriousness, I would encourage people interested in ableism as a concept to do some reading about it. It isn’t just about “does someone disagree with a disabled person? Do I think someone was mean to a disabled person?” There is a whole fascinating area of study out there about disabled people, our lives, history and experiences. I know that you probably mean well when you think you’re “calling out” ableism even though actually your behaviour is harmful (since you’re attacking me, a real severely disabled person, and distorting the meaning of “ableism” as you do so). But you have all the info available to learn more and stop doing this, and since you are implicitly claiming to care about disabled people, you should take that opportunity.

Either way. Nobody has the right to judge anonymous people on an internet forum as more or less disabled than them.

How could I be targeting you because of your disability when I’m even more disabled and unwell than you?

You have no idea about anyone else's experience of disability and how it impacts them @verysmellyjelly. Not the OP's, not mine, not PP's, not anyone's. Hasn't stopped you judging them as self pitying liars and ableists.

I agree with @ThePurpleBuffalo you seem to have some sort of weird competition with strangers on the internet, going on in your head. You're doing your best. You are deserving. Others are lazy, stupid, lying and self pitying.

It’s not even internalised ableism that’s being talked about! That’s something altogether different. I agree, I do experience that. But it’s not what people are accusing me of here.

I’m not wrong, and everyone who knows about disability and ableism agrees with me on this. The arguments to the contrary are absolutely painful in their crudeness.

Internalised misogyny and internalised ableism are both a result of societal conditioning.

That’s completely irrelevant to how ableism works. Again, you just fundamentally do not get it, and I’m not going to explain an entire system of oppression to you. Everyone who is claiming it maps onto misogyny is simply incorrect.

You’re just going to double down but if you don’t want to go around upsetting and angering a lot of people then you need to accept that you are wrong on this occasion.

You may disagree with me, but I haven’t actually said anything that’s so awful to you. I apologise for using a sharp tone, but not for my opinions. Nevertheless, no matter how many times you claim I’ve been ableist, that simply isn’t true and it just shows you don’t understand what ableism actually is.

In the autistic community it’s still a massive problem. I, along with many others left a group for autistic women about 5 years ago because of ‘Aspie Supremacy’ from the group owner. She said some vile things about non-verbal autistic people.

Nope, this just shows you don’t understand ableism. It doesn’t map onto misogyny in the way you seem to think.

And...

Actually, it’s totally possible for a disabled person to be ableist. How on earth do you know that @ThePurpleBuffalois less disabled than you?

In any case, I have noticed that some of the nastiest posts aimed at the disabled community in the last week come from people who say they have a condition.

Internalised ableism is as much of a problem as internalised misogyny.

I'm not going to keep repeating myself, but you have been ableist. There's no special category of disabled that means you can say whatever you like to whomever you like.

Also, you have no idea what's wrong with me or what I can and can't do. Even if there was some implied competitive element, which there isn't.

I appreciate you may struggle with your illness and maybe that's what gives you this binary thinking, but what you have said today isn't acceptable.

I can’t think why they didn’t want you in their group 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🙄🙄

Nonsense. Having a characteristic yourself (in this case disability) doesn't preclude you from displaying 'ist' attitudes towards others with that characteristic. If i said to my female boss "You shouldn't be a manager because men are smarter and more capable than women," do you think I wouldn't be being sexist about women just because im also one?

I love creative things! I find that my illness tends to disrupt me and push me off track, but you’re right, this is truly the best advice, thank you. Any time I am able to do something creative or artistic it’s very fulfilling. I hope this is possible for others too.

I can’t share the details of that, I’m afraid, as also very unusual! We have been together for about ten years, though. I don’t mind questions, it doesn’t offend me.

I am and have been very irritated by your posts, that’s true. But that isn’t the same as being ableist. Not every disagreement with a disabled person constitutes ableism, and it’s silly to suggest that. How could I be targeting you because of your disability when I’m even more disabled and unwell than you? I’m sure you see that as competing, but I have to say it to explain why it isn’t ableism. People who are more disabled cannot be ableist towards those who are more functional. Ableism has a very specific and particular meaning and this isn’t it.

I’m being so nosy! So ignore me if you wish

but how did you meet and date your husband given what you describe?

Well I used to "lurk " here for a few years .I joined up around 2020 ,havent looked back! Supportive ,informative and interesting information.Got me through Lockdowns.I havent found anywhere like it .Like a chat over he garden wall with about 16 million neighbours

Obviously it is, because you've been telling me, based on a handful of vague posts, about I am not trying hard enough to conquer my disability and get on with things. When actually that's not the case - I'm very pragmatic and good at solving problems.

You've also accused me of wallowing in self pity over my illness and trying to recruit others for that purpose, which isn't true. I spend very little time feeling sorry for myself. It won't solve anything trying to make myself feel depressed over something I can't change.

Will I pipe up about the reality of being disabled - yes. I don't care who wants to be dismissive about it. These are the facts of the situation.

Are you creative? Is there anything you could do for yourself? Like art or crafting or writing? Start out slow and maybe it’ll turn to something. If not, it’s something to do that will give you the same feeling as working. I have very severe ADHD and working is a complicated thing but I find being in a creative job has given me something special.

I see you also don’t understand ableism.

It is and you have been.