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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lost a Friend I valued.

131 replies

SadAbout · 19/03/2025 17:23

So there is a school mum I know who is really nice! Everyone likes her! She's v popular and down to earth and good fun to be around. Our children (12 and 10) are the same age and we used to get on really well to the point we'd go out for drinks with another mutual friend, go for coffee etc.. I considered her one of my best mum friends.

Then about 3 months ago her child sent a foul text message to my child, telling my child to kill himself and using awful language, telling him no-one likes him etc... She and her child apologized, but I told school about the message because it was v disturbing and I was a little worried about where this had come from, whether other kids were using this language in school etc.. and I also wanted the teachers to keep and eye on my child and her child and just check all was ok.

My 'friends' child is normally very sweet and since the incident my child and her child have continued to get along, but she has told her child that they cannot play with my child out of school or communicate with them on Whatsapp etc.. anymore. Fair enough, makes sense.

Anyway, I feel I've now lost this friend. She ignores me, and I don't think will ever want to go out for a coffee or drink again. I sent a message apologizing for informing school and asking if we could clear the air over r a coffee, but she doesn't want to. I get that.

I know it's my fault for telling school and it's fair enough she doesn't want to hang out or speak with me! But AIBU for feeling sad about the whole situation and that I've lost a friend that I had valued :(

I can't even talk to anyone else about it because no-one knows about the message her child sent my child and I don't want to tell anyone as he's a good kid and I am sure this was a one off and I don't want him or is mum to be judged.

OP posts:
Tagyoureit · 19/03/2025 17:31

Have you thought that maybe she just mortified and embarrassed?

But I find it odd that you thought it was a one off, the boy is a good kid but still informed the school, which is fair enough, as you need to protect your kid.

Having been in a similar situation, I think this is for the best.

Dollshousedolly · 19/03/2025 17:29

I can see why you informed the school but also why your friend no longer wants to be your friend.

You must have known that by informing the school a natural outcome would be the end of your friendship with this woman, You hardly thought it would be coffee as normal.

MrsTWH · 19/03/2025 17:29

You’ve done nothing wrong OP, and have nothing to apologise for. That message was vile and needed dealing with. She’s embarrassed I would think and you’ve just got to let her get on with it, don’t grovel to someone like that.

Glitchymn1 · 19/03/2025 17:29

She probably hopes you’d gone to her and not the school (I don’t think you had a choice, due to the nature of what was communicated).
She’s probably mortified, upset and angry.

I don’t think there’s a lot you can do, you’ve tried to make amends. I’d let her know that you’ve not said anything or gossiped but I expect everyone knows what’s happened to be honest?

lovemycbf · 19/03/2025 17:27

It’s such a tricky situation when children fall out but I don’t think I would have involved the school the first time it happened.

DefensiveMagpie · 19/03/2025 17:27

I don't think you have done anything wrong or anything you need to apologise for. It's understandable that she's struggling to get past what her child has done and she probably feels embarrassed. Do you think she is angry at you for informing the school?

I'd make sure she knows you don't intend to share what happened with anyone else, but beyond that, I don't think there is much you can do.

You sound very balanced and understanding.

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