To not have a housewarming because of this friend

She doesn’t seem to have any issue offending anyone else - which is exactly what you say if she gets offended.

”Bit rich taking a huff when you’re always giving out your every opinion, hen. This is someone finally giving you theirs.”

I don't understand how this isn't an option, invite your family over one weekend and have your friends round the next?

Tell the friend your family member is a bit sensitive and warn your family member about them. You can't never have a party with friends and family because of one person!

She sounds awful.
I don't think any amount of her being kind at other times would make me keep this friendship.
Have you been on the recieving end of it OP?

I just really disagree with you.

From personal experience I found my “I say it like it is” friend needed to be told she was being rude and needed to tone it down.

As a friend sometimes we need to be honest if our friends are wrong, sorry you disagree

I can't see how it's impossible to have a family party or a friend's party, even if it's somehow impossible to do both. Much easier not to mix groups.

Omg don't tell a friend to 'tone it down'. 🤦

Why can't your sensitive relative just tell her to fuck off if she feels offended?
You can't go through life trying to avoid someone else risk of offence!

Would you rather offend her, have her offend others, or miss out on a housewarming altogether? I’d go with what @Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast has just suggested or find a date you know she can’t come!

If you're not comfortable telling her when she's being a dickhead, why are you friends? Genuine question - people I consider friends are people I can be honest with. Anyone I'm not close enough to be honest with, wouldn't be invited to a housewarming party.

She values saying it how it is so she'd be a huge hypocrite to be able to dish it out but not take it, right?

So begin by saying that you know how important speaking her mind is to her and how she feels free to express her opinions and so you know she will respect you doing the same.

Then tell her she's a dick and to pack it in.

then you need to pull on your big girl pants and not invite her. And if she asks, tell her why.

Honestly, it is a bit ridiculous to not have a party for this reason. Also: your friends who she might offend need to learn to say "pack it in, twat" when she does it. She'll either stop or not be your friend any more. Win-Win

What level of offense are we talking about? Fat abuse? Racism? Politics?

What are some examples of things she says?

It's just life isn't it? These clashes happen when you get groups together for any social occasion. Unless she's an outspoken racist, homophobe or seriously offensive I'd just leave everybody to it. Some people are annoying, some people are sensitive but they're all adults and have to sort it out themselves.

I have a friend who can be a little abrasive when you first meet her. However she is also absolutely loyal, great fun and never judges me and I have learnt the abrasiveness is really her trying to come across as funny and more confident than she actually feels. If someone is likely to really clash with her I would give them a bit of a heads up in advance that one person is a bit more sensitive and the other can come across a bit much but is actually lovely. But for the most part I don't really bother about it as it doesn't overly concern me and they won't be expected to hang out again if they don't want to. At the end of the day everyone is an adult and is responsible for themselves.

You've got a friend who offends your family when she sees them. Either you have to keep them apart or accept that offence might occur. Unless your friend is outrageously rude, you could just let the people concerned sort it out between themselves. Perhaps the relative she upset last time will avoid your friend and no more harm will be done; it would be easy in a big party.

That's a tricky one. You've decided against the most obvious choice, to not invite her. So have two parties, or just have the one and accept that her behaviour doesn't reflect on you - although in this situation it kind of does, and you may need to run interference. That doesn't sound like it would be fun for you. A housewarming should be a nice get together to celebrate a new start in life.

This. How odd.

Introducing different groups of friends, or friends to family, can sometimes be a bit of a minefield. When you don’t gel with a friend of a friend, It’s hard to realise someone you like has actively chosen to spend time with someone you don’t. There’s a woman several of my friends really like for some reason, whereas I keep hoping she’ll fall into one of the vats of wine she appears to have necked every time I see her.

You say this woman is part of a large friendship group. If it’s that large, I’m guessing it will be a big party. Will she even speak to your relative that much? Not everyone will get to spend time with everyone there. If she does manage to offend someone, don’t make excuses for her - it’s okay for not everyone to like everyone.

I can't imagine having a friend who was so tactless and gobby that I was contemplating not having a housewarming because I was afraid of having her around other people. Just tell her to zip it, or she's not invited? Is she completely unaware of how awful she is?

Instead of my relative is sensitive I’d go with “I know you can be quite opinionated/speak your mind without thinking but I’d appreciate if you tone it down for the housewarming party”

Personally I had a friend like this and I ended the friendship, worried about her going to my house for my engagement party, worried about her upsetting someone at the hen, worried about her saying something at the wedding. She was also opinionated and said rude things to me to.