To not have a housewarming because of this friend

Your friends behaviour is not your problem, it's hers. You can step in if she oversteps and upsets someone.

Why are you even friends with her?
She sounds awful.
why don’t you not invite her and tell her why.

"I have a friend who is really rude and gobby, its just what she's like and you aren't to be offended" suuuuuuure that will work

Warn the sensitive people about your gobby friend, say she’s like that with everyone and not to take personal offence if she is being a dick.

OP I've thought long and hard about this and have a foolproof solution for you. Have the party, but once everyone has arrived get your arsehole mate and your overly sensitive relative to strip naked and fight to the death.

Winner stays at the party, problem solved.

Who's supposed to tell you to wind your neck in when you're being a dick if not your best friends?

You cant control other peoples behaviours , your all adults if she were to say something to upset someone then I’m sure that person is old enough to sort it out themselves her behaviour and actions are not on you, I completely understand it as I have a friend like it so much so I’m trying to let our friendship fizzle out as if I’m being honest it’s taken me a long time to see that actually she’s not just being pedantic or picky she’s a complete bitch who loves to control everyone and everything in her life and it’s like treading on egg shells for fear that you say something and change your mind as god help me if I did !

reevaluate the friendship , sometimes it takes time to see people for who they really are and that atually that’s not the type of person you want in your life xx

I've never had a housewarming party, my idea of seven circles of hell.

Maybe have an open house with different people coming at different times through the day but never have a party you don't want, it's your safe space, not a venue for entertainment.

because if people say its fine for her to decide not to have the party, she will feel vindicated...I see quite a few aibu's like this. The person wants their view validated or their decision excused. Not saying the OP is doing this but people do.

Doesn't sound like that's a option for OP though as they actuallywant to keep this friend.

That reads to me that you really don't want to have a housewarming at all, are you considering it because people 'expect' you to have a party?

And because you don't really want to do it, you're scanning round for a reason not to and your rude tactless lashing-out-at-others-because-unhappy friend seems the perfect excuse to give when asked?

So why are you having one? If the idea makes you anxious even before you consider your blunt friend’s potential to cause offence, just don’t have a party. It’s not like having anxiety over medical tests or a job interview, where you have to find a way to deal with it. No one is obliged to have a housewarming party.

Which is exactly what she does to other people everywhere she goes, so why are you so worried about being honest with her?

She sounds like one of those awful ‘tell-it-like-it-is’ people, who see themselves as unflinchingly honest truth tellers, whereas in fact they’re just plain rude, with bullying tendencies and a lack of empathy. And they’re rarely happy to be on the receiving end of the same straightforwardness.

Sounds like you’re worried she’ll kick off if you say anything, which is exactly how these people get everyone else to pander to them.

It boggles my brain that this one ‘friend’ holds such power over you that you would give up on a celebration you’d like to host, to mark a milestone event in your life, just so you don’t upset her by asking her to be less of a twat to all your other guests. Can you not see how messed up and unfair that is, to you and everyone else?

You are not responsible for how someone behaves and you are not responsible for how someone reacts/interprets someone's behaviour. Have the party, invite who you want and stop worrying about a potential issue that may or may not happen that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Enjoy yourself!

Honestly it sounds like your life would be easier if you ditch her!

However, if this too difficult due to the shared friendship group, I would ask a trusted person who is braver to stay near her and call her out on it

i wish I was your friend - I would do it gladly!

If two parties and/or not inviting gobby friend are not options, maybe you should warn any sensitive family members about said gobby friend? This may go down better than trying to get her to tone it down.

She's not worried about offending anyone else though is she? meanwhile everyone is falling over themselves not to offend her

Tell her as she is such a fan of plain speaking, you want to have a word upfront, then tell her to tone it down at the party. She of all people should understand the need for being open and honest.

Why is she a friend? She's nasty

But she doesn't care who she offends or upsets

So not outspoken. Rude.

I think this is one of those things that is not your problem. Let them crack on. The exception being if this friend is so bad that you're embarrassed to be friends with her. In which case be honest and stop being friends.

Most people will be more polite towards strangers anyway, is she really likely to start commenting on a strangers relationship or kids? How would she even know anything about them?

Unless it's something visually obvious like a trans relative and a vocally anti trans friend. In which case don't invite the friend and explain why

Why would she be offended? You're just telling her as it is?
'Look Lisa, you're rude, abrasive and obnoxious.
Nobody wants to have to hear you wax on again with your shitty nasty opinions. Wind your neck in!!'

This 💯

Chances are they won't even speak to each other and if they do, it will be very superficial small talk. If I invite groups of people who know each other, people generally talk to the people they already know, they might say hi and exchange a few words, but they are very unlikely to start having a heart to heart with someone they've never met.

Not saying you're wrong but I really can't see that myself! Why would she post asking for advice if it was a definite no to the party?

OP seems afraid of offending her offensive friend who doesn't care who she upsets, if she tells her she's offensive.

Won't there by anyone there who'll just tell her to STFU, OP? Does she know what she's like?

I wouldn't want to be around someone like that-who doesn't care if they upset people.