To not have a housewarming because of this friend

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@godmum56
Right thread.

She mentioned the book 'Let Them'. That is what I was referring to.

OP, you are not responsible for what other people say.
You are also not responsible for how other people feel about what other people say.
Go ahead and enjoy the party, inviting everyone and anyone you wish to attend.
Finally, and of critical importance (please) post details of the ensuing carnage lively debate for the good people of MN to adjudicate and condemn the guilty party. 😁

She cannot / should not be able to control your life or decisions - she sounds a bit batshit - have 2 if necessary, but if I had a 'friend' like this, she would be an ex 'friend'......what does she bring to your life? Is she a good friend to you? Why allow / enable her to 'offend' anyone else, let alone your other friends or family'?? Maybe send her a link to this this thread...???? Is she even aware of how her behaviour can be offensive?. Hope it goes well xx

People close to you, that’s meant to say!

Could you subtly get proper code to you to monopolise her to limit who she talks to?

👏🏻but I wouldn’t have the guts to do that
But I would back away from that “friend”.
She sounds horrible.
Who wants toxic people in their life !

Why do people on here put up with shit friends! You’ve said that she’s said things, that upset you, why entertain this?? Why would anyone want to spend their precious time with someone that would upset them, and also upset their other friends and family. You shouldn’t be accommodating her, you should be telling her it’s not ok, and she should be trying to improve her behaviour, rather than you tip toeing round her!

does the big group of friends you are in, think the same about her, as you? Or is her bad behaviour just aimed at you in particular?

How does this friend deal with people being outspoken and opinionated back at her?.

wrong thread?

@pikkumyy77
Thank you for the sign posting. I read the reviews, and most of 75 pgs.
I've picked up some good tips.

Wait til she goes on holiday.

I think this is your cue to re-examine this friendship. It’s not normal to worry about a friend upsetting a member of your family in your own home.
Speaks their mind is a politer way of saying someone is a bully. Do you enjoy this persons company?

If this friend is such an 'outspoken' person she's probably well able to take the same outspokenness as she dishes, so the solution to the problem is to be very blunt, direct, and forthright with her when you warn her to wind her rude neck in.

She’s clearly not worried or feeling awkward about offending you, your family or your friends so tell her straight! We’ve known people like this and asked her to leave one of our parties. She had corner mil and she was hammering home her opinion and mil was tearful. She’s a very gentle soul and quite sensitive so she couldn’t understand this behaviour. DH took care of his mum while I showed friend the door. The friendship fizzled out after that bc she realised I would stand up to her. Others in the friend group stopped inviting her as they finally had an excuse. It was only then I realised how nasty she actually was. I hope you can get this sorted @Isitme27 life is too short for stress!

Above are all good ideas.

If she is so outspoken, she ought to be able to take it as well as give it out. Be frank with her and say I am worried that you may upset sensitive Auntie Nora. Can you promise me that you won't? Otherwise I can't invite you.
Also you said that she can be kind... so say to her that Auntie Nora needs to be treated with kid gloves.
If she's "outspoken" about this... then say, this is causing me so much anxiety if you can't help me out, you'll have to give this one a miss and come another time.

But really if she is giving you anxiety and she's also rude to you,then I think I'd be taking a step back

Really, just don't invite her. She sounds awful!
Why would you want to be friends with someone so horrible?
I'd see it as a bonus if she was so pissed off with me.

What happens for a wedding?

Wow. She sounds horrible.

Don't invite her. If you ask her to tone it down beforehand, she sounds like the sort of jerk who will go the other way, with lashings of self pity and obvious references to being asked not to be a bitch.

Why are you wasting time and energy on someone so unpleasant? Don't invite her and when she asks why, tell her you didn’t want her offending everyone.

Why throw your relative under the bus by saying they are sensitive, when you should be telling this "friend" to knock it off with her awful comments? Not inviting her absolutely IS an option. If she ends the friendship then so be it but I doubt she will.

Just tell your friend straight. She clearly doesn’t have a problem upsetting you or anyone else, so she can’t complain if you upset her, can she?!

Could you find out when the awful friend is unavailable and hold the party then?

Invite her and don't worry. If she says something rude and your family member takes offence, that's between the two of them. Don't take it on.

I think get a confident mutual friend to be her minder for the party!

Also warn the sensitive relative that Jane can offend people.

Or speak to her.

Or don't invite her.

I still think 2 parties is easiest and shouldn't cost much more. Personally I'd find it less stressful having less people in the house, but if you have a large house that's probably not an issue.

Why even have a house warming if you don't want to ? Problem solved!