What is your household income, how much is benefits, and how are you coping?

Lol no worries. Not what several professionals who actually know my medical history and have assessed me as being unable to work have decided but sure, I'll believe the opinion of some keyboard warrior on Mumsnet 🤣

We have the good fortune to be retired. Income of around £55k, no mortgage, empty nesters. We live very well on this. Life was much financially harder when we were younger, especially when we had two at university. All I can say to those of you on 100k with big mortgages is hang on in there, once everything is paid off you really will be quids in.

My wage is only 15k and universal credit is 9k a year. Child benefit £102 a month. Rent is £1150 a month for a two bed house. Bills come to £450 a month. I have a dd living with me and I get child maintenance, £150 a month. We have a lovely standard of living and I manage to save every month and we eat out at least once a month. Not sure how I manage it but I imagine it’s because I don’t have a car or pay childcare!

Nope. Sorry. If you can care for 4 children. Or someone else’s child. You can work. The end.

So were you working until after you had your fourth child or did you have a fourth child despite feeling you were incapable of work?
If you have 2 children of preschool age you must have only become unfit for work in the last year for your disability to have not impacted your family planning.

could you care for other people’s children like this person?

I understand all that, but you really can’t expect the average person to have sympathy for someone deciding whether to earn £100k or £80k.

Or being upset for them that they have to pay for their childcare.

It strikes me that if OP, or any other higher earner, was worse off financially and complaining about nursery costs, this conversation wouldn’t be about unfairness, they’d be being told not to have kids they can’t afford.

It’s about the salary comparison, that’s the entire point of the thread.
OP thought £90k went further than it does, this is exasperated by comments like yours saying “people earn 1/10th of that” when they reality is they don’t actually live on 1/10th of OP’s income.
People think 90k is significantly more than it is because they compare it to a 20k salary without accounting for all the additional benefits the lower income family receive on top.

Not that I have to explain myself to you but the reasons I cannot work were not impacting my life in the way they are now before I chose to have my children. Nor was there any way for me to know things would become so bad, so quickly.

£45,000 + child benefit. Nothing else.

You cut your cloth. For instance we have a small house in a cheapish area. We chose one child because we knew if we had more, it would significantly affect our quality of life. We don't run a car. Etc etc.

At £45,000 we have options though. At £90,000 you definitely have options (whether you like them or not). At £10,000 you have no options.

Yep we pay slightly more tax.

I’m really not, because I’m aware that those who earn less are supported by benefits. What I’m not understanding is why you’d be envious or bothered about that.

I’m not hard done to because somebody who earns less than me is getting government support to live, because I’m fortunate to not need that support.

Exactly. This matters much, much, much more than anyone's personal opinion on whether it's a nice problem to have, or whether they sympathise.

The same is also true of all the instances where people are disincentivised from working.

Honestly this is why people find life long disability benefits so ludicrous in so many ways and why the reaction has been to cut them.

You couldn’t possibly manage to work in any capacity what so ever but can have 4 very young children and care for them full time.

People want to support the people who genuinely can’t work but pretty much everyone here is a mother and to choose to have 4 very close in age children while claiming you aren’t capable for work is just insanity.

@Tonkie18thank you for sharing that. It shows how disability can just not be overcome as many on here think. I really hope things get better for you and can understand how overwhelming it must all feel.

Respectfully, you’ve made these choices, ie to have half your income go towards mortgage and bills. Obviously I don’t know your circumstances but I would bet you live in a much nicer house than ours but we manage ok on about £32k, (as I need to work PT due to caring responsibilities) because we clearly made very different choices. I’d love a better house, but accept this is the choice we made. I can’t feel much sympathy, sorry.

The cliff edge at £100k is farcical though. We want our high earners working as much as possible as that’s where income tax generation lies, but then we incentivise them to work less. Up the top rate of tax by 1%, give them back their childcare and nil rate band fgs!

I have four children. Two at primary school and two preschool age. One of them is at nursery 2 days a week and the rest of the time I have them both at home with me. I have a disability. I cannot work but I can care for my children very well. They aren't mutually exclusive.

aah thank you. I didnt realise no council tax or water bills over there!

I didn’t. I suggested if your able to care for a grandchild your able to work. Because you are. Childcare would be the obvious.

How are your bills only £300 a month? Our council tax alone is £200.
Water £50
Internet/TV £50
Gas/Elec £200
Mobile phones £20
What am I doing wrong?

1. suggesting that disabled people shouldn’t have children is not the same as suggesting if you’re too disabled to work you’re too disabled to have children. Absolutely disabled children can and should have kids. But you can work. Childcare for example.
2. see above.

Who said disabled people shouldn't have children? I must've missed that somewhere

I’m in Ireland we have no council tax, water and no gas in my house.i rent so no insurance, the furniture is not mine either so to be honest it was pointless having contents insurance.
Pension is paid pre tax
car related payments I take out of savings in a lump sum.

No I agree, it’s not funny at all.

1: Suggesting that disabled people shouldn’t have children is bordering on eugenics, you know what type of person believe in eugenics don’t you?
2: Unless you’re my GP, Numerous consultants, the DWP or the Family court, I’m not sure that you’re qualified to tell me if I’m fit to work or look after a child.

But I hope that you feel better for commenting.