What is your household income, how much is benefits, and how are you coping?

Well you clearly do begrudge someone for needing help.
Just so your aware, according to UC there are no requirements for me to work, at all, due to my caring responsibilities.

I do so because I worked hard to become a nurse, because I enjoy it and because I feel like I am contributing to society.
Yes I receive top ups from UC. But a large portion of that income is from my children's high earning Dad. A large portion of that is also made up of DLA, at high rate for my child, to enable him to be able to function and have his needs met. I would give up the money in a heartbeat to take away my sons disability. This was not the life I was meant to have, but it's just me, doing my best.

I sympathise OP, life is so expensive now and it's gutting when you work hard and appear to have a good income. A lot of the issue is that your DP has other children to support, and they create other restrictions like your house and car, but the childcare is a killer too, and that will improve in a couple of years.

Household income currently £35k which is all my salary, as DH resigned from his last job because of mental health problems - he had started a new job and just could not cope with it. He's having some counselling now but I don't know when / how much he will earn again. He's 59 and I think partly burnt out from social work, partly depression, suspected ASD - not straightforward at all. And my workplace is unstable with possible redundancies and the whole sector feels like it's collapsing (university) so I am doing an MA to improve my job prospects. The dc are 11 and 13 so we have many years of supporting them. It does feel quite scary. So different circumstances to you OP, but I feel your pain; we thought we'd be in a better position financially now, too.

55k before tax ( between all 3 of us) , 3 adults living in a very expensive part of the sw. Luckily have a large ex council house mortgage over £1200 a month husband spends at least £50 in fuel, insurances very expensive no benefits living from paycheck to paycheck.

We have just over £60k between us. I'm on B6 mid point salary for nursing. Partner is full time minimum wage. Our bills are about £2k currently, but they'll increase soon as my baby will start nursery. We shouldn't find that too tight though.

I still manage to save money and go on holidays 🤷

Only benefit is child benefit for one DD.

No. Please re-read my income.
The children's Dad is a high earner, he pays for his children. That makes up a fair whack of that income. Not forgetting my wages which as a senior nurse working for x amount of years for the NHS I'm at the top of my banding.
On top of that my disabled son is in receipt of DLA at high rate. I would give the money back in a heartbeat to take away his struggles. So please be less ignorant when you post!

This sounds like a weirdly passive aggressive post against your step-children!

If childcare and commute are £1500 would you not be better off if you were not working? That’s all those costs gone and you get rid of the car too so no more mots or repairs etc. so that would leave the mortgage and bills from your husbands sole salary and he could take a second job etc. he needs to be earning more as he has a lot of children to support.

fwiw we are also in the se in a nice town in a 3bed semi. We have been together 20years and our combined income is Approx £45k we have never claimed any benefits. We have a basic life nothing fancy. Older cars, basic clothes and food a very simple life. We can afford to look after ourselves and our pets, no holidays. Like you our home is also one that needs fixing which we bought a few years ago so far from luxurious but we’ve made it as nice as we can, a tin of paint is not that expensive.

My adult child currently lives with us as can’t afford to rent anywhere which is very stressful for both of us, we do not have the space for a third person as our house is small and we wfh. That’s our major problem.

But unlike you our mortgage is much more affordable. mortgage and council tax combined take us to just over £1k a month.

No, thankfully the children's Dad is an arse in pretty much every area. Abusive, nasty piece if work, but he couldn't hide from CMS.
A portion of that income is also my salary, I'm a nurse so not a high earner.
I worked it out recently when my Son was becoming very difficult to manage. I'm £600 a month better off working, than not.
Someday's it hardly seems worth it. But on the flip side I also need to ensure I still have a career when the children are older and the support ends.

Agreed. I got max grant and loan as I was in care. I think it sets you up for failure. Like the benefits system. It sets people up to think they will get a better standard of living than they will.
I think your expectation is way too high. A £2000+ mortgage is very high.
Which is fine if you expect to have to scrimp and save in spending.

As a single person I earn half what your combined income is and my mortgage is £800.
That's only just affordable for me as my partner doesn't work. Which we accept as he looks after our children instead of ginormous childcare costs

I doubt it- I budget £100 a month for food , and rarely spend more than £80 of it.

Are you forgetting that single parents exist?

Household income approx. 70K.
no benefits.
2DC - DH works part time school hours term time only so no childcare bills.

We are fine but then naturally we live quite frugal lives. We go away (UK breaks) 3/4 times a year. Have a take away/ meal out once a month or so. DC do 2 extra curriculars each. Our grocery shop is about £100 - £130 per week. Mortgage £700 per month (including overpayments). We have no other debt and live in a cheap area. I think that makes a big difference.

And that is what the problem is.

I don't begrudge people for needing help.

I also don't begrudge people who don't work because they are better off on benefits.

I begrudge a system that allows people who don't work/work part time to get significantly more than the average wage.

My auntie and her husband have never worked a day in their lives despite being perfectly able to. They have a lovely house in a nice area, smoke and go on lots of holidays and had 6 kids. Meanwhile my husband and I have worked full time since leaving uni (ive woried in some capacity since I was 14). We have a tiny scruffy house in an ok area, couldn't afford to smoke even if we wanted to, have to save for holidays and could only afford 1 child. We do ok but tell me how that is fair.

ok so your not a single parent in a financial sense. I don’t get a bean from my children’s dad which makes things difficult. I thought the state was topping you up to £4k. Tax is so high the more you earn!

Pre tax household income of £320,000 incl bonus
Mortgage just over £3000
Childcare just under £2000
Other household bills approx £1000
Food approx £500

I think that is what it boils down to. You are not poor with a household income 60k as single adult or 90k as a family but you definitely are not able to live lifestyle you expected (and others expect you to) be able to with that salary. And with the increasing cost of living and below inflation pay rises you may have actually seen your standard of living drop.

You seem quite resentful….

I mean I agree with your point but it’s more like £65k not £80.

How does this work? Do you pay no tax? That’s below the tax threshold? Surely this is part time work?

The children's Dad is a high earner, so there's a big chuck of child maintenance for 2 children in that, along with DLA at high rate and UC with a disabled child element, again at high rate. Once my son is older and hopefully requires less support I will increase my working hours. In the meantime it's a juggling act of working and meeting my sons needs.

I recently calculated that we would be £1500 per year better off with me going down to 90% hours due to childcare costs. The system doesn't really encourage people to maximise their employment productivity!

Similarly, a few years ago I got a 20k bonus and it all went on tax.

So now my plan is to take work easy, go down to 90% hours and enjoy more time with my DD.

[Since you asked, current household income is 128k and we get tax free childcare. We pay 1k mortgage, 1.5k nursery, 1.5k other bills and save 1.8k per month. We feel comfortable and fortunate but not minted by any stretch]

£4K? So you work part time and the state is topping you up to the same take home pay as someone who earns + £80K a year?

I don’t think the op is wrong in pointing out that their family income, whatever it is, is not going as far as she might have expected. We all have different households incomes and outgoings but surely we can all agree that in the last few years our standard of living has plummeted snd we all find ourselves worse off?

I cannot believe some of these incomes and not feeling like you have ‘much’?!
I earn £15.50 ish an hour as a nurse, 22 hours a week roughly £18k a year, CMS £750, £200 UC top up. Roughly £30k.
Solo parent to 2 children, mortgage is £280 but ex and I overpaid throughout and I overpay now I’m on my own.
Bills £800 a month
Dance fees £220 a month 🥴
Car is owned outright
Food bill is roughly £500 a month
House is 4 bed, 4 bath in SW. Council is £270 for single adult.
I feel very lucky.
I couldn’t pay £1800 a month for mortgage, but I know friends do 😱

I'm self employed and earn £12 000. My husband earns £12 000 self employed. Vehicle costs mostly through his business. My childcare hours have just been taken away this term for not earning enough even though I draw the same wage every month for the last 3 years! I only buy new clothes for my kids.