What is your household income, how much is benefits, and how are you coping?

I wish I lived somewhere the housing was that cheap! I would have to retrain and shift industry though.

Sounds like he needs to work a bit harder to support all his children. That's not a high income for 3+ kids at all. Perhaps he can seek a promotion, or a second job on the days he doesn't have his kids?

75k, take home after pensions is 4k. Single adult with young adult DC (1 still at home). Bills come to about 2k, food about £500. I'm in a much better positon now than I ever have been, but that is because my DC are older and I've progressed in my career as they became less dependent on me.

Don’t marry someone with children if you resent having to pay for those children. Him paying to his children is not a luxury, it’s a standard of living.

He's not on anything like 50% higher.

ONS

Median gross annual earnings for full-time employees were £37,430 in April 2024, compared with £35,004 in April 2023, an increase of 6.9%.29 Oct 2024

I also don’t get the sneering at high earners given they bankroll the government spending people are demanding more of.

Because I claim for help with my living expenses after being left to raise four children when my husband had an affair? Possibly. I don't think I can take responsibility for the country's economy, but happy to shoulder my portion.

If I could have access to cheaper housing, I could pay my own way. But as it is, I'm stuck.

Kindly, you are ignoring a lot of facts like the cost of housing in some areas. They don't own a home- it's mortgaged.
You know nothing about the age or type of car or their phones.

At least it's on your radar and you know you'll need to sort it as a priority when funds allow.

It’s so degrading watching people saying they’re struggling on £6k a month. Firstly you own your home, you're not poor. Secondly mortgage and bills at £3k, you likely have a lovely home and what have nice car payments or top of the range phones etc? Most people have to have less than £3k for EVERYTHING.

I think people often don’t realise just how much higher earners have to pay out without getting anything in return.

I earn a decent salary so have never received a penny in benefits other than 15 hours funded nursery for just over a year as that is universally available to all. I don’t qualify for child benefit, tax free childcare or any other benefits.

I do however pay income tax rates of up to 60% as I receive no personal allowance. I also have no allowance for tax free interest on savings outside of ISAs meaning I lose 45% of all interest earned.

I once received a £20k bonus and didn’t benefit by a single penny due to sky high marginal tax rates plus loss of nursery funded hours and tax free childcare.

I’m not after sympathy but people need to appreciate that many of those who are bankrolling the majority are being forced into situations where it really isn’t worth earning more and in fact in many cases makes sense to earn less.

It’s a ridiculous system that does that and if it doesn’t change the pressure on those relying on benefits will get a whole lot worse. If I earn a 20k bonus I’d accept keeping 10k and giving 10k to claimants however the system required me to give it all to claimants. Why would I bother to earn it under such circumstances?

I genuinely hope we never get to a position where the amount our mortgage costs seems as low as two hundred and odd quid does to us now.

The issue is a man on a relatively low income, supporting a lot of children- how many? 3? 4 ? 5 ?

40K before tax. Paid my mortgage (modest terraced house) off last year which has eased things up quite a lot.

Try to save around £400 a month as house needs around 20K of work doing to it for maintenance rather than titivation.

Old car. Hair cut 4 X a year. Private tutor for my son once a week. Will increase this as he gets older.

I survive on a lowish income but have savings so don't worry too much. I'm happy being frugal. Don't really buy clothes/make up.

How relevant is what you paid 30+ years ago?

This is why the country's in a mess.

We get around £150k in per year. Not entitled to child benefit but we do get the tax free childcare and 15 hours for our two nursery aged kids. Mortgage, bills and childcare comes to £6k per month then we have to add food etc on top. Our mortgage is £2600 per month in itself (very average 1950s terraced three bed house but in outskirts of London), nursery is £2500 for the both of them even with the free hours. We are ok but definitely still have to check before we buy and the likelihood of a third child or being able to reduce my hours is pretty small. I do earn more than nursery fees are per day, so we’d be worse off if I went part time

My little cousin is just buying her first house.
It's a lovely new build for £120k.
He morgage was around £700 a month if I remember correctly.
It goes without saying lots of young people are struggling to buy in expensive areas but there's still plenty of places they can buy at a lower cost.

Well that depends when you bought it doesn't it? I bought my first 2 bed flat in London for 35k back in 1993

I think it's due to your outgoings, isn't it?

DH and I bring in £95k between us : about £5500pm. Our mortgage is only £235pm, so that, plus all other bills, totals about £1300, then we need food on top.

We drive second hand cars that are 9 & 11 years old, and all paid for, so no car loans. Even though the cars are 13 & 15 plates, they are lovely. Don't see any need for a new car.

When the kids were in Nursery, I was only bringing home £140 a month after fees paid. It's such an expensive time! Kids are adults now, and financially independent.

Hang on in there, it will get better in time. I would project forward to when yours are in school and his older kids are 18 and see what the figures look like - you should be really well off.

To be fair £3k on mortgage and bills is a lot, you could downsize for more disposable. Plus when kids no longer need nursery you'll be better off. But I agree not much left for living a relatively ordinary life. Money goes nowhere nowadays.

Your issue is not your income. Your issue is your OH decided to have more kids than he can afford.