What is your household income, how much is benefits, and how are you coping?

Combined household income of husband working full time, me part time and rental income of £139,000. Also child benefit but I have to pay that back.

I earn more than my husband (only by about £5k as he also has the rental income) but he pays a fortune for three other kids so he's always broke.

@Gabrilla I think this was perfectly clear. You have just committed the Mumsnet cardinal sin of being a step parent and having a relatively high income.

Our household income is 46k. Get child benefit but nothing else.

I expect that my spare cash is greater than yours though as I have a small house in a cheap area. We have holidays but I try to budget 1k a year to cover Easter, summer and October (,in total, not each!) so we are talking cheap caravan holidays and premier inns.

I think this is an interesting thread and you sound entirely reasonable. You are in your high outlay phase while we go through a cost of living crisis. I think people see the numbers only but take little account of regional differences in housing cost and the impact of childcare.

You never had any child benefit or maternity pay? Most people with DC your age would've been entitled to both. Were you not in the UK at that time or was it a visa conditions thing?

I’d love to show you all my financial spreadsheets. Absolute works of art, colour coded, formulas everywhere, linked cells, various scenarios played out with various amounts of dividends etc….
BUT it’s too personal and also everyone would be cross because DH earns lots of money.

Not sure many people who have less than 3k a month for everything are also paying 1k a month nursery bills out of that.

You could get one in many parts of the North of England. I'm in South Yorkshire and there are loads of properties in or under that price range.

Why has his income dropped so much?

Why has he dropped £15Kpa from his salary compared to when you met him?

That doesn't sound good especially as you now have children together.

It does make him seem as if he's not faced the reality of the costs of two families and isn't doing much to increase his salary.

Our income is about 132k and we still get child benefit as I have pre tax car payment that gets below threshold.
fairly large mortgage payment but house feels ‘worth’ it.
Three teenagers- enough said - they cost a lot!
Holidays are a big expense, we usually go abroad once per year and maybe 2 holidays in UK.

Of course a similar income with less outgoings will feel better off.
If your kids are at uni then you likely bought your home at least a decade before the OP, possibly even two which is the largest difference in lifestyles.
How much is your mortgage payment on your home taking out of your income?

I rarely venture into AIBU ..... but I'm stuck on a train.

YABU OP, really you are. I have a similar level of income as a long time single parent to two kids. Never had any benefits, currently supporting my DC through uni (which the system expects through reduction of loan amounts) to the tune of more than your nursery fees each month, despite the fact that they both have p/t jobs because they need to study more than they need to work imo.

We live a nice life and I feel thankful every day.

Its all relative; we couldn’t afford any date nights when out DC were babies. In 5 years things will free up, you’re at the most expensive point in your life. Enjoy the decisions you made because they won’t be around for ever (I mean the SC).

She didn’t say it put her on the breadline.

That really shows how much harder it is to be single… I don’t earn far off your household income (£80k) but that equates to 4.5k a month for a single salary and I don’t qualify for child benefit.

I understood your post to be an explanation for outgoings that could not be cut back on, an explanation as to why you can’t move to a smaller house with a smaller mortgage and why you can’t move to another area to get a cheaper house.

90k and thinking you are on the bread-line isn't going to go down well. You are well-off and if you are penny-pinching you are budgeting badly and need to go through your spend with a fine tooth comb.

My household income is 3150 per month , plus child benefit for 1 child. I support 3 children on that - one is a university student on a full loan, one is an 18 year old NEET and one is still at school. I have a mortgage, but no childcare costs. I feel I have plenty. I don't watch what I'm buying at the supermarket and I always have money left at the end of the month. I don't drink, smoke or eat out and I don't shop for clothes etc for pleasure, but other than that I don't really restrict myself.

I understand where you are coming from, I think things are tough for younger people/families and those not on the housing ladder. When I look at the cost of houses and mortgages now its is hard to see how a lot can get started.

Our household income is about £75k, but that has only been that high for the last couple of years.

If I had household income of 90K I would feel pretty well off, BUT i bought my house 18 years ago and have pretty much paid my mortgage off...kids are grown up and no particular child related expenses.

When I bought it I was a single parent and on a part time wage - the interest rate was about 5% and my repayments felt high at the time of about £530 per month but have gone as low as £300ish. Its nothing fancy (3 bed terrace) but I have a colleague who has just bought a similar house and her mortage payments are over £1k, I just can't imagine having to pay that much!

I'm making myself sound ancient now but when I first went back to work after maternity leave I pretty much paid all my wages in nursery fees, even back then, however my partner at the time earned say £30k and our house cost £50k - the difference between wages and housing costs are massively different now.

Once your kids are older and at school things will get easier - financially, these are probably the toughest years of your life!

This is mine right now, I’ve just had a promotion but not been paid yet but my budget up to now is
Wages-2750
CB-280
Benefits-177

Total: 3,207

Rent 1400
Electricity 120
Life insurance 40
Internet/tv/2 phones 86
Bin charge 23
Apple 20
Disney 10
DS club 25

Total 1,724
Leftover 1,483

1483 goes to
300 food
240 fuel
200 savings
50 kids clubs/school trips etc
100 treats/coffees/takeaways
100 clothes/shoes
50 birthdays/gifts
50 prescriptions/medicines
150 holidays/trips (either as a payment off a booking or as savings)
I know this essentially leaves over 243 but it gets eaten up somewhere usually and if not it’s put into savings.

I don’t think she resents it. She’s just acknowledging it.

Just totted my money in and money out up.

(Single, live alone with 2 cats)

Money in:

Income based ESA support group £12,500 per year
PIP Enhanced Daily Living and Enhanced Mobility £9,500 per year

Total money in (all from benefits) £22,000 per year.

Money out:

Gas, electric water rates, council tax, shopping, tobacco, tv licence, House insurance, Amazon Prime, life insurance, appliance insurance, cleaner, home phone, mobile, internet. No mortgage or rent as own house outright.

Total money out (all above list) £11,400 per year.

Which leaves £10,600 a year (£880 a month, £200 a week) for everything else.

Plus I have around £380,000 in a Trust that doesn't affect my income based ESA as it was a Criminal injuries Compensation Award from the government.

However before this version of my life when I was well, non disabled and working I was on £50,000 a year back in 2005 in a job that came with private health insurance, company car and company credit card and stays in very nice hotels paid for by my employer. I would give everything to be that person again, but it's never going to happen.