What is your household income, how much is benefits, and how are you coping?

The wider problem is that you might instead decide to have the kids you want, but instead work less so you get out of the 100k trap. Which is an issue for the tax take and anyone who have need of you in your job.

This!!! well put.

The OP had said their fees were £1k so I was still referring to that.

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Thanks, that’s really helpful.

I would however caveat that if I knew I wouldn’t get any financial support for children, I’d probably not have 2 of them in nursery at the same time. I’d stagger it.

That doesn’t mean it’s fair, or that the way you’ve just laid it out isn’t clearly shit for the higher earner - but there is an element of planning here, right?

But joint taxation wouldn't be popular? We used to have it.

Exactly. This is what people just don't grasp.

Using an example of 2 households both with 2 children in nursery. Household A has a single parent earning 125k. Household B has 2 parents earning 38k each.

Household A takes home 78k after tax and NI and receives no child benefit or 30 hours funded nursery.

Household B takes home 62k after tax but also receive 2k child benefit and 30 funded hours for each child worth around 14k. They also get 20% tax free deductions on the remaining nursery payment that the higher earner doesn’t qualify for.

The end result being that Household A is not a penny better off than Household B despite both having 2 children of identical ages and earning nearly 50k more.

I'm sure it's what's required but £500 seems miniscule to be supporting children on that income.

As you asked, I have an income of £9000 pa, plus about £3000, when I can be bothered to do some freelance work. I'm not complaining. I like my lifestyle.

If nursery is £1k a month, that’s £12k a year. Where’s the rest of the money gone?

My nephew was paying £2,000 a month recently which is pretty normal for his area. Standard nursery.

I need help with the maths on this.

If nursery is £1k a month, that’s £12k a year. Where’s the rest of the money gone?

But yeah, people who don’t have kids are better off - they’re feeding less people and don’t have any of the costs associated with children. Surely that’s obvious and expected.

We're now spending over 12k a year just on living costs so food, trips out etc.

If you have 4 kids altogether day trips would be very expensive too.
Its like almost 70-80 for a zoo trip now for 4 people.
£36 for cinema.

But people are lucky re the 15h and the 30h from 3. When my 12yo was born it was only 15h from 3. The nursery was like £58 a day plus lunch for 8-6. But that nursery was really rubbish. I was on about £80 a day take away £5 a day transport.
I didnt end up going back (dc had sen) but i would have made about £2k a year.
I honestly hadnt expected nursery to be so expensive.

I think the huge cost is the kids.
Here even 7y ago it was £15 per day per child for after school and before school care.

Child benefit is very low now too. 20-16 a week.
Its £14 a week just for school lunch
£5 a day for school bus
As above it would pay around a day a week of school club

But also op with those earning you need to save for uni too. Thats about thousands for parental contributions

If you have nursery age children someone earning 125k is no better off than a couple earning 38k each.

Would you consider a couple earning 38k each as being extremely wealthy?

I think a lot of people are in disbelief about households with 100K + income and still feeling squeezed.

On a different subject though, there are many people on this forum who cannot comprehend London house prices and that a house at say £1million can actually be a regular/small 3 bedroom semi with small garden and no off road parking or garage. They equate what a million pounds would buy them in a completely different part of the country.

I do think that many who see a salary of say £125k also have no comprehension of the tax that is paid on that. They naively divide 125 by 12 and come up with a monthly income around £10k.

I think a lot of people are in disbelief about households with 100K + income and still feeling squeezed.

This is because our notions of what lifestyle a 100K + household income should buy are out of date. Our ideas of the connection between salary and lifestyle have not kept up with massive jumps in inflation, steadily rising housing costs, unaffordable child care etc.

We are like frogs slowly boiling in a pot of water and wondering why we are feeling more and more uncomfortable? Can't be the water we're sitting in, it feels fine!

I've said lots of times before:

£50,000 - £55,000 is the purchasing power of your 100K salary back in 2008 before the crash.

People are not living the 100K+ lifestyle because they only have the power to buy what everyone considers to be a 50K lifestyle, and if in the household two people both work they are really only on £25,000 each. This used to be a very ordinary wage before the crash.

On paper your salary looks amazing: 6 figures! In reality your tax and outgoings have gone up exponentionally more than your income.

The majority of households now spend >40% of their take home pay on housing and essentially bills! Just keeping that roof over your head and stopping yourself from freezing to death. We haven't even started talking about your food, your childcare, your commute costs.

It's not people moaning about their "terrible" life, its that genuinely after all the essentials have been paid for, people have almost nothing left over to spend on actually living their lives.

It's not a cost of living crisis, it's a cost of surviving crisis for everyone.

There is always someone worse and better off. I think some who have their rent paid by the rest of us through our taxes don't appreciate how little net pay is these days with no personal tax allowance for higher earners, no 30 free hours childcare for 9 month year olds, often 9% or even 15% graduate tax so upper rates in effect are well over 60%.
It may be wiser to talk about net pay after deduction of tax NI and student loan.

I just put £101,000 into a net pay calculator with student loan and post grad loan (as I am a lawyer so a lot of people doing my job also have a masters loan) - they bring home about £57k a year (£4720 a month). In other words the state takes about half to keep other people who have never had a job in their lives, defend the realm against most threats etc. Ou4 £4720 person probably cannot afford to live in inner London (we couldn't even in the 1980s so I have lived out here in zone 5) and others are further out so there will be a lot of travel expenses say 300 - 400 a month and then some work clothes you might not need if not at work so let us say that takes them down to £4k net. Full time childcare for 2 babies in London is about £30k per child (I kid you not - I have 4 grandchildren and even in my day we spent 50% of each of our net pay on full time childcare in 1984 for a daily nanny).

So after childcare and before mortgage our single mother with 2 babies who works full time has zero. Of course more likely her husband works too and they pay half the childcare each so probably more like £2k each. They will have about £2k rent or mortgage and probably more.

Anyway it is not that hard on £100k to get to the same package the lady's twin who is on benefits with 2 babies and does not work gets with her outer London rent paid and her other benefits.

What I say to women however is leave £100k far far behind - go for much higher pay as then the marginal tax is more like 50% including student loan and 47% tax 2% NI without.

Some is going to pension (not a huge amount though!) The tax is crippling. Over 100k you lose your personal allowance. DH earns £118 and I earn 12k. We feel no better off at all from him earning 95/ 100k to now. In fact it somehow feels like we are worse? Take home from him is 5.5k. After commute, 1.8k mortgage (which went up hugely at end of 2023) food for 5 including 3 teens and all bills etc there is not much left! We worry about money every month, can’t save, and if something goes drastically wrong with the car / boiler / house which it seems to every month one way or another we are sweating - either using any spare we have or putting it on a credit card.
I know there are many far far worse. But honestly - most people would think 130k wow you must be very well off. Doesn’t feel like that!

OK fair enough. Thank you for explaining.

Dla and cares allowance. My son is very disabled

Why are benefits being given on this type of salary?

How on earth are you getting benefits on a possible £68000 salary 🤷‍♀️. It beggars belief

Mostly people choose to have children and/or to get together with someone who already has responsibility for children.
There also must have been some element of choice to have a mortgage of about £2000.

My husband salary around 55000-60000 pounds per year, my salary 8000 per year and benefits around 750 a month.

She said they were having to penny-pinch. Horses for courses.

There is, unfortunately, no income bracket where an MNer can post about noticing their money doesn't stretch as far as it used to without getting panned. 9k, 90k, 900k, people will still queue up to miss the wood for the trees.