AIBU FOR WANTING HER OUT?

He’s the one who moved her in, isn’t he? She’s his partner and the mother his child. He should be dealing with her.

No she isn't. She is her own responsibility as a grown woman. So OP should be having words with her and stop looking after the baby for starters.

Can you talk to her and tell her you really need help with the household with the added people in the house and you’d really appreciate if she did more to keep the house running smoothly with you. Try to have her work with you. I don’t know how old they are though and sometimes talking to early 20s people is still like talking to.teenagers. I feel bad. I don’t know what else to suggest..

As a grandma many times over I can well understand how right now you are in a horrible situation. Of course what happens next will have to be in the best interest of the wee boy and for anyone to suggest otherwise is ridiculous.

And when he works over his hours doesn’t he get overtime pay. He should be bringing in plenty extra just on that.

You tell your son that she has to pull her weight in the house as far housework and laundry and your not out for hiring as a baby sitter and she can’t just sit in your house all day doing nothing. You’re not her mother and maybe she should go home. This isn’t working out and you thought she’d be more respectful of your generosity but apparently she isn’t so she’s got to go home. Them leave every day early so she can’t pretend she’s not up. What a lazy git. I’d have lost it.

I think this convo you're planning needs to include your son's gf. You're going to have to make it clear she is to parent her child while your son is working, not you or your husband. And tell her to step out if she's in the way of cooking or meal prep. Yes, she should have chores just like anyone living in your home.

He's working 2 jobs and he should have plenty saved, even with a new baby. They should be paying rent. You are supporting 2 adults and their baby with rent and food and child care.

She's found a really comfy place to land and she's using you for childcare. You've enabled her. That should stop now. How old is she?

Give them a time frame. Pay x in rent, do all childcare and a few chores or out.

Move your low bar. Even working, he should be doing some basic house tasks and childcare. They can't move out with the GF doing everything for the baby and the home, he needs to up his game as an adult. The GF needs to do a lot more too, but OP doesn't seem to have had a serious chat to find out if the DS plans to stay with her, which has to happen before any discussion about her responsibilities. If they plan to stay together, they should do that in their own home not OP's!

If they are acting like children, treat them like children, give them jobs, especially the GF.

GF the sitting room needs hoovering and dusting this morning, can you do it straight away thanks.
GF before you do GS dinner can you please give the shelves in the fridge a spay and wipe.
GF I’ve got things on today your going to have to make sure all the bins are emptied and cleaned by the time I’m home.
GF your child needs taking for a walk, nappy changing.

Any push back, you clearly say this is our house, they live here rent free, we are happy to let you stay but you need to pull your weight or find somewhere to go.

Given she’s fallen out with her family and they can’t afford to move out they will have to suck it up. Any attitude you tell them to grow up and don’t speak to you like that.

Right now your GS is a silent weapon being used against you. You need to stop worrying about him unless they do leave then you can worry and you will get lots of advice on here if it ever comes to that.

Where is all his money going?
You need to sit them BOTH down. He needs to start saving for a deposit for a flat, they will be entitled to UC top up and child benefit. In the meantime his girlfriend needs to step up and be a mother. Any babysitting will be planned and not just assumed. This includes feeding him, washing and cleaning as she goes.

You need to sit them down and set out your expectations. If the mother is on maternity leave, you expect her to care for your grandson - this means feeding, changing, baby classes, walks in the pram. If she’s not on maternity leave, you expect her to be working and the baby in childcare. Similarly, you acknowledge that your son works but at weekends/days off, you expect him to be parenting.

You are housing them, what you are not is the baby’s parent. Have a baby, expect to parent it. Let them know that the childcare you will do is occasional if you want that. Help them set a rota if that would help.

There are plenty of young parents out there without the good fortune to live in a house rent free.

Absolutely!
My late husband and I got on famously with our daughter and her lovely husband. One day, they sold their house, had a moving date etc. and then the house they were moving to fell through. As we had a big house, with an extra en-suite bedroom, it was great that we were able to help them out by inviting them to stay with us until they found another house.
Because of our good relationship, I didn’t want anything to spoil it, and when my daughter insisted on paying rent, I initially refused. We didn’t need the money and we wanted them to put it towards their new house. She was having none of it and came up with a great compromise. She knows I hate cooking so she offered to shop and cook three times a week, as much as her shifts allowed. It worked brilliantly!
The only thing I insisted on was that they were responsible for their living/sleeping area, as I felt it was private to them and I wouldn’t be going in there to clean or anything. I also needed a clear idea of who would need feeding and when. At the time, the two of them were on shifts, as was I. Because he had retired, my Iovely husband offered to completely take over the running of the house. He already pulled his weight but his plan was to be the ‘housewife’ and he sorted out food etc. as well. He did this so well that he put me to shame! I don’t know how he did it, especially as he had actually taken early retirement mainly to spend more time on hobbies. Oops!
Because of the three of us being on different shifts, he was forever having to creep around as there was always at least one of us in bed for a large part of the day! The house certainly wasn’t his own for months but he never complained and took it all in his stride, even though his plans for retirement had to be put on hold.
They don’t make them like that any more!
We were married for 54 years. I think it’s obvious why! I was a lucky lady!

Because the lazy young mother is the guy's responsibility? Not his mother's.

Why do people do this? Focus on the man who is obviously working hard and not on the problem - the lazy young mother.

Fuck, the anti-man brigade are out in full force today! He's doing two jobs, working 13 hours a day, the gf is sitting on her lazy arse massively taking the piss yet the lad is getting all the stick on here!
This is ridiculous, even by MN's admittedly low standards...

I'm just wondering if your standards are any higher though? You seem to be implying that because a man goes out to work then that is enough and it's job done when it comes to his family. He is not contributing financially, he has moved in his lazy girlfriend and his baby and has dumped them on his mother. He is not looking after his young family, not contributing to his parents' household and has left his mother to deal with the fallout. But because this man child has a job (or two), let's absolve him of any other responsibilities and let's leave his MOTHER to deal with everything else. Yeah, that's a much higher standard for a man...

Good luck with that. He sounds completely in the GF thrall.

He should doing tasks in the morning, really? Sounds like works alot, till 9pm at times, he needs to get lazy girlfriend off the phone, hold a little meeting, put it across like you want everyone to get along, and discuss your expectations.

Not at all - unless the OP is lying about the situation, or parts of it, then her son is working 2 jobs, out all day, and not contributing at all.

His GF is lazy, and equally to blame, but she needs to have that conversation with both of them. In fact, all three of them sounds utterly useless in different ways.

Blimey, the poor-men brigade are out in force today.

I don't think it's hard to work out what the GF and her DM argued about, her own DM was tired of her daughter's lazy ways. Time to toughen up Op or this will go on for years

Now you know why her family had her leave.
Tellyour son that you want her to leave with her child, grandchild or not.

She is using you and your home.
I wouldn't tolerate it from your son first.
His job to tell her.

Tell him that them continuing to use your home is no longer an option.
Old enough to have children, old enough to provide.
She will behave like this for as long as you will tolerate it.

She needs to present as homeless.
They are taking you for a mug.
Sorry OP, but you need to toughen up or this will continue.

This.
I'm going to make an assumption that you haven't actually asked them to pay you any rent, which is enabling their behaviour.
Are you aware that the amount of money they are getting is as much as this, OP?

Fuck, the anti-man brigade are out in full force today! He's doing two jobs, working 13 hours a day, the gf is sitting on her lazy arse massively taking the piss yet the lad is getting all the stick on here!
This is ridiculous, even by MN's admittedly low standards...

She needs to ask her own family to take her back. Obviously they got fed up of her too, but she's their daughter not yours.

@ForRealCat the child has a father, too, it's his role to facilitate contact with his parents if/when he moves out.

I often think people who 'have a falling out' with their own family and seem to have literally nowhere else to go... There's a reason for that