To not tell DD of grandparents death until after exams

I don't think you can possibly know the answer to this until it happens. My son's grandad died last month. His Dad told me on the wednesday and I held off telling my son until the Friday after he had finished school and his last Jiu Jitsu training session of the week.

If she dies on the first monday then I might think about holding off until the weekend or even half term. If it's the last week of exams I would most probably just let her get those done and then let her know.

My Grandpa died during my final university exams. I would have been devastated if I hadn't been told, it would be like saying "exams and revision are more important than family and feelings" which is a worrying example to set. I don't think I would get over that to be honest.

She is mature enough to understand that she might not be able to attend the funeral if there is an exam on the same day, but she could come after the exam.... She still deserves a chance to be part of the grieving, don't take that away from her.

Some good advice here already. I can only echo to start preparing you daughter now. She must know grandma is quite ill. The fact you are thinking that she might only 3 months to live is something you could discuss with her (I assume she has a serious illness to have a diagnosis with a limiting life expectancy).
I also think the advice of not telling her on the morning of an exam should that happen and wait til she arrives home. I think the advice from another poster to ask the hospice/home to call after 9am is a good one to avoid distress on the day.
As others have said you can ask the school to apply for special circumstances, again it might be worth contacting the school now to speak to the exams team considering you believe it is quite likely for this to happen in the exam period.
Sorry you are going through all this and hope you have someone supporting you.

Firstly, please accept my sympathy, I have been in a similar situation. I was very close to my paternal grandma, she had had a minor stroke,I was actually doing my nursing training..I visited her in hospital, she went home, sadly had another stroke and died,my late DM didn't tell me,till after she died, I was upset then angry. Hopefully you have a while to discuss the situation with your DD and get her views, although it must be said they don't sound very close.

Losing a parent is unlike anything else you experience. You might not be a big crier - and neither am I usually but it was a massive emotional impact which I couldn’t hide from anyone.

My daughter is taking her GCSEs this year. I think I’d probably shield her from the worse of what your mum is going through now but also gently warn your daughter she is poorly so that If she did die during the exams it wasn’t completely out the blue for her. I don’t think this is something to be hidden though. Funerals can be planned to avoid certain dates, the funeral directors would guide on this and help you.

This. That is of course, if you ever want your dd to trust you ever again.

I wouldn’t tell her on the morning of an exam and maybe if it happened on the last day or two of the exam period you could delay that long. The funeral can wait a couple of weeks if necessary. But otherwise I would not keep it secret. That would be weird in all kind s of ways.

We asked that the nursing home didn't contact us until after 9am so that I didn't have to hide my feelings and they could get to morning exams OK. In the end she lived another year anyway.

Funerals in England tend to be a few weeks after the death so it can probably be delayed until half term and she can attend.

Special.comsideration is a maximum of 5% so not really going to make up for the impact of the loss but some things a e far more important than exams. I say this as a very experienced teacher xxxxc

As pp have said, the best thing now is to talk to her and prepare her. Be very honest, and also be honest that you are concerned about the impact on her exams.
It's a tough time for you, I hope you've got support as well.

Absolutely this. My parents, twice, kept the news of family deaths (a DGP and a cousin) from me due to my exams (albeit uni exams) and it upset me even more. It weirdly felt like I was overreacting when I was told as everyone else had processed the deaths by the time I was told so weren’t as outwardly devastated in the way that I was. I understand why they did it- and appreciate the thought behind it- but I’d still not recommend doing it.

Im so glad to hear you have decided to tell her, @Lucielue79

You have plenty of time to prepare her, and that makes a huge difference.

Having secrets kept around someone dying can be devastating. It happened to me though I was a bit younger than your daughter. You know something is very wrong, but no one will tell you. I wish very much I'd been prepared (death of adoptive mum when I was 12). It would have been horribly hard but it was even harder without preparation. No one lied to me by omission but no one told me the truth either.

I really think you need to tell her and expect her to cope. I can’t see what good would come from shutting her out.

I think it could still be taken into consideration. OP could speak to the Exams Officer directly to find out.

OP. This is such a stressful and emotional time for you so I can understand why you're trying to control what you think you can.i honestly don't think you can understand the impact of the grief until you lose someone so close to you so he kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. Exams can be retaken; you never get your parent back. Xxxx

I don’t think deaths should ever be kept secret for any reason, I think that is damaging for everyone. The only caveat being - if it occurred say, on the night before your DD’s final exam, I suppose it would be reasonable to not disclose it until the following day when she had completed the exam, but other than that, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

You say your DD won’t notice in terms of not seeing her regularly, so how close is she to her GM? In any event, I don’t think there’s any point in worrying unduly about this scenario as you have no idea when your DM might die. But in general, I think concealing a death for more than 24 hours (and for a very good reason) is not a good idea

I was on holidays when my grandmother died and was told when I got home.
I certainly never thought they meant anything by it.
I was very fond and close to her.

OP prepare your daughter for this by stressing how unwell she is, so there is no shock. Also mention that she might not be able to attend the funeral and you will mark it later.

Wishing you well.

Yes, but that's a parent. Would it be the same for a grandparent?

You need to contact the school for this situation to be recognised when sitting the exams/marking take place.
We were in a similar situation a few years ago x

She's not going to fail her exams because a grandparent has died.
GCSEs are a while away yet. Tell her the truth and prepare her.

I can’t see how you could possibly hide your grief, your planning etc of the funeral or the fact that the whole family was attending said funeral. I wonder, has she cousins etc that may put the information on Facebook or the like?

I would never do this to one of mine but we are quite transparent about our days so dealing with a death, and all of the stuff that comes with it isn’t something I would feel comfortable hiding.

the best case here would be to talk to your DD and plan in advance what she would like to happen. I did this with all my DC and updated the chat over the years so I knew exactly how each of them wanted to receive the information. One said to wait until they had finished work and the other said call me immediately. Perhaps your DD will have her own idea on what is for the best here?

You do need to start preparing your daughter now. It will certainly help if it doesn't come as a total shock to her.

Tell the school ASAP so they can be prepared. One of my pupils lost a parent during GCSEs last year snd got special consideration.

Please be honest. I lost my Aunt at 15, and was due to take Mocks, yes I was understandably upset but I'd have been even more so if my parents had kept it from me. In all honesty, you won't be able to keep it a secret, you will be upset and it will be impossible to hide. Your daughter isn't so young that she won't notice changes in behaviour at home. I can guarantee she will know something is up. The other danger is you don't tell her, and her imagination runs riot, and she starts imagining you, sibling or Dad is seriously unwell. At her age, honestly is the best policy. At this point it's a possibility, but not a foregone conclusion. See what happens, if it does, your daughter may be able to attend a funeral, it depends on exams.

We’ve just recently lost my dad and both my DSs were understandably upset but went about their lives. They did attend his funeral but if it had been on an exam day I would not have expected them to (of course they would have had the choice but I think in all honesty they would have done their exam).

do what’s right for your DD but personally I’d tell her if it does happen.