Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

282 replies

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 04:58

Single parent here, no family around here, no support network.

DC is 14, very sensible. They'd go to school, I fly out at lunch time, they come back home, reheat dinner, stay overnight and go to school in the morning, I return home before they are back from school, I'd be away for about 30 hours. DC is happy with this idea, they can manage. I'm concerned about emergency situation. I badly need to go to help a close relative abroad. Can't take DC with me for a number of reasons, mainly school but also family issue which is the reason for need to travel.

Voting:
AIBU: I wouldn't leave DC alone, no matter how sensible they are.
YANBU: it's ok for DC to stay for 30h alone given desperate circumstances.

OP posts:
Holidayfix · 19/03/2025 08:01

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 08:00

While I agree that the OP should absolutely not leave her child alone, I can't believe some of you seem so happy to leave teenagers alone with unknown adults because somehow that's safer!

I think if you know the kids you have a reasonable idea what the parents are like.

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 08:00

While I agree that the OP should absolutely not leave her child alone, I can't believe some of you seem so happy to leave teenagers alone with unknown adults because somehow that's safer!

HerOopNorth · 19/03/2025 08:00

Agix · 19/03/2025 05:01

NSPCC advises that children under 16 are not left alone overnight.

Advice is just that.
At 14 I'd have been very sensible and quite able to be left alone.

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:59

Holidayfix · 19/03/2025 07:56

I think it is hard to believe DS doesn't have a friend who's parents could be asked, even if OP doesn't know them. Several people have said they 'd have their DC's friend overnight in such a situation. I would and whilst it might be uncomfortable to ask, it has to be better than leaving him alone.

Show quote history

I am not sure that leaving your child with unknown adult is safer than leaving them alone. Hmm

madamweb · 19/03/2025 07:59

iloveapplesandcakes · 19/03/2025 06:13

OP is only asking because she's in a bind, she's not asking if she should go out on an overnight jolly.

It wouldn't ever occur to me to leave DC alone overnight for any other reason, but this is a challenging family situation. There are no friends/classmates to leave DC with. There are a lot of flights daily to the destination so unless airport shutdown the delay wouldn't be a huge issue. It's emergency situation I'm concerned about

Your DC doesn't have any friends? You don't know anyone you can ask to help at all?

Sorry but deciding you have to go but not sorting a solution for your DC is unacceptable.

How is your DC in the position they don't have a single friend?

socks1107 · 19/03/2025 07:58

I’m sorry your faced with this dilemma but no I wouldn’t have done it

Holidayfix · 19/03/2025 07:58

User5274959 · 19/03/2025 07:57

I know it doesn't help now, but you need to build a network. Dc needs someone to call if you are taken ill or don't come home when expected (on normal days I mean)

Yes, I used to do lots of favours for DC's friends parents specifically so there was someone I could ask if needed.

User5274959 · 19/03/2025 07:57

I know it doesn't help now, but you need to build a network. Dc needs someone to call if you are taken ill or don't come home when expected (on normal days I mean)

Holidayfix · 19/03/2025 07:56

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

Show quote history

I think it is hard to believe DS doesn't have a friend who's parents could be asked, even if OP doesn't know them. Several people have said they 'd have their DC's friend overnight in such a situation. I would and whilst it might be uncomfortable to ask, it has to be better than leaving him alone.

CaptainFuture · 19/03/2025 07:56

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 07:46

Totally this, these are dilemmas that people are trying to manage all the time

Sounds to me as if OP might be in one part of the UK and is quickly flying to scotland or ireland or something and then back again perhaps.

Show quote history

But op clearly says 'abroad' and the emergency situation is a family issue.
So doesn't sound like a UK ill health thing?

cheerupbuttercup · 19/03/2025 07:55

If you're only going for one overnight, why can't you go at the weekend and take your child with you?
Your own child has to be your priority. Leaving them alone to go and help another family member could potentially cause your own emergency at home!

Oopsps · 19/03/2025 07:53

I would ask the parents of one of their friends - or hire someone from sitters.com to do an overnight

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 07:51

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:48

I did mention social care or hospital care. The relative lives in another country so obviously isn't dependent on the OP for care on a daily basis.

Regardless of whether there is care or not the OP needs to decide whose needs to put first - her relative or her child.

Edited
Show quote history

Perhaps the relative isnt dependent on anyone for daily care and something has clearly happned where they now need support.

OP is probably lonely enough without people rubbing it in that she hasnt got anyone round her and calling it 'odd' as per another post.

MonkeyTennis34 · 19/03/2025 07:50

Don’t be ridiculous.
No.

TheMissingLinkHasBeenFound · 19/03/2025 07:49

A bit odd that you know zero people that could have her overnight. No family on either side? No friends of yours, or hers at all?

I'd bring her with me at 14 tbh if it was really just me and DD alone with nobody else.

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:48

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

Show quote history

I did mention social care or hospital care. The relative lives in another country so obviously isn't dependent on the OP for care on a daily basis.

Regardless of whether there is care or not the OP needs to decide whose needs to put first - her relative or her child.

soupyspoon · 19/03/2025 07:46

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

Show quote history

Totally this, these are dilemmas that people are trying to manage all the time

Sounds to me as if OP might be in one part of the UK and is quickly flying to scotland or ireland or something and then back again perhaps.

ThreeMagicNumber · 19/03/2025 07:46

No I absolutely wouldn't, I'd be taking them with me in this situation.

Swiftie1878 · 19/03/2025 07:45

No. Surely there’s a friend they can sleepover with? X

VeryNiceDay · 19/03/2025 07:44

Could you pay a child minder to stay overnight? Even any kind of carer that you could get from an agency would probably be okay.

LoftyPlumBird · 19/03/2025 07:43

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:41

I think you need to look at this differently. What is more important-your sick relative or your child? Surely your relative in another country has friends/other family to help them or even social/paid carer/hospital care.

You really can't leave your 14 year old overnight and go to another country. It only takes 1 unexpected occurrence/someone reporting you/ and your whole life could potentially unravel.

If you are adamant on going then take your DD with you. missing 2 days of school is a better result than the potential consequences of leaving her alone overnight while you go abroad

Edited

I wish people would stop saying "surely you have a person who can look after your child/sick elderly relative".

Some of literally do not. I don't even think it's that unusual. Maybe you really should realize how lucky you are if you're in that situation, because it's not guaranteed.

brettsalanger · 19/03/2025 07:41

No I don’t think this is okay. If you have no support, who should be there in case of an emergency?

Arcticrival · 19/03/2025 07:41

I think you need to look at this differently. What is more important-your sick relative or your child? Surely your relative in another country has friends/other family to help them or even social/paid carer/hospital care.

You really can't leave your 14 year old overnight and go to another country. It only takes 1 unexpected occurrence/someone reporting you/ and your whole life could potentially unravel.

If you are adamant on going then take your DD with you. missing 2 days of school is a better result than the potential consequences of leaving her alone overnight while you go abroad

Passthecake30 · 19/03/2025 07:40

Is there an older teen babysitter local that would stay overnight?
when my two were on the cusp of being allowed to stay at home in the day time I had an elder sibling of a girl in school round, not to babysit, just to be the mature one in the house should the front door ring etc.

herbalteabag · 19/03/2025 07:40

I left my son for a night at 15. But I wouldn't have flown to another country. I was two hours away.

Swipe left for the next trending thread