Would you leave 14yo alone in the country for one night?

Even if it is a MH crisis or legal issue you are dealing with, take DC and leave them in a hotel / cafe/ library when you are dealing with it.

I’ve taken mine with me to work abroad when I had to . It’s a pain but needs must

It's very easy to not have a support network.

Neither DH or I are "local"
DH's family are in another country.
Mine are scattered around the UK. Not that they're of a life-stage to have the capacity to support from a distance.
I have got some local friends that I made in my 20s- they are the best support that I have, but the DCs would be loathe to stay with them.
I didn't make school-gate friends because first I was working, then DS1's autism became apparent and that inhibited socialising. Then the Covid years through junior school re-shaped school friendships.
DS1 has no friends beyond school life.
DS2 has friends, but we are all families with autistic children (be it the child or their sibling) affecting our family social capacity. Having friends over to each other's houses causes significant disruption to our autistic children's routines. They mainly game online together or meet in neutral places like the park.

When you start with a poor social network it's difficult to build and expand it. We've had chunks of years with no appropriate babysitter avaliable. It's mainly been Rangers/ Explorers from local Guiding/ Scout groups, but their window of being the right age is short. At one point DH and I went 5 years without a night out together.
Most people near us have local family support so it's difficult to exchange mutual support favours without venturing into Cheeky Fucker territory.

I have friends and local aquaintances, but that doesn't translate into being the right support that my teenagers are comfortable with in an emergency.

It's not a particularly unusual situation to be in, and I can easily understand OP's predicament.

We were in a situation recently where DH was away, I had my phone off for a couple of hours and at around 10pm just before I put my phone back on DC (eldest 16) thought they heard something in the house and ended up calling granny as they couldn’t get through to us. I would have hated for them to have had no one to call.

I wouldn’t risk it

The relative is clearly not in sub saharan Africa or another third world area as OP only going for 1 night so clearly the country does have some sort of social or health care and support system.

@iloveapplesandcakes - sorry you’re in this position.

@Holidayfix has put it really well. It is a bit concerning that you both seem so isolated (ie that your DC has no friends they can stay with) but perhaps you’re new to the area, and anyway that’s not something you can fix today. But given your isolation, you can’t leave your DC alone, in case something goes wrong.

“Holidayfix · Today 07:24

If there's really no one you can leave him with, I think you have to take him with you. He cane miss 2 days' for an emergency and take schoolwork/ electronics to keep him occupied and away from the crisis.”

Also @Holidayfixit’s worrying that you work with families and say you ‘would know’ if a parent in a family was a paedophile. That’s a crazy thing to claim and a worrying thing to claim if you actually work with vulnerable children in any capacity.

You've said yourself that in an emergency situation (which could be anything when you're 14) there is no help or support network. Who does she call if something happens?

You know signs to look for then as you work with such families so have experience.

Lots of people wouldn’t know signs to look for and I don’t believe you would always be able to tell.

Plenty of children with parents who are alcoholics or abusers can tell you nobody knew a thing.

I think MN tend to be ultra cautious and not always flexible.

A sensible 14 year old should be able to look after themselves for just over 24 hours when they are in school for the day.

As a society I think we have lost perspective. On the one hand, children are allowed access to all sorts on social media and smart phones, which are far more dangerous.

Yet when you consider that not so many years ago they were working at 14 , getting themselves up, out of the house, and being independent, the notion of 'risk' has changed.

OP if you can keep in touch with your child and they have a neighbour to call in an emergency, I think they'd be fine. But you know them best.

You'd need to lay the law down like no visitors etc.

It's not that they would happen, it's that they could happen.

That's why we use child care ever, because a bad thing could happen, not because it's likely to.

No of course not.

Os there no one in your relative’s country who can help them?

No, you would not. And I really hope you don't work in social care if you think that it's as easy as that. Trust me, I was a child in that situation.

Otherwise we wouldn't have children in these situations, because everyone would already know.

The people I know who work with children in these situations are the ones who absolutely don't do do sleepovers etc. they're certainly not in the "any adult will do if you have met the kid" set.

Also how well do people know their 14 year olds friends? Mine made new friends in secondary and I have met them briefly but it's nothing like primary school.

And the OP says her DC is mature. I've nothing against it in principle but not sure I'd be totally happy with no one to call on locally. No issue with the child being alone I'd love to know why all these sudden " emergencies' would only happen on the one night the parent isn't around. And I'm not sure a broken boiler is an emergency anyway

I would not leave my 14 year old unless she had access to a very trusted female next door neighbour.
Can she stay with the next door neighbour?
Can a female over the age of 21 stay with her?
Can a school friend and her friend's mother stay with her?
Is there an agency that speialises in babysitting? Can you and your daughter meet a local babysitter?

Not by looking at the child, by knowing the child. You would know, I work with the children of such parents.

Regardless of the emergency overseas, presumably it is an adult not a child, your ultimate responsibility is to your child and you would be negligent to leave them like this.

No too young, either your child comes with you or someone trusted stays with her. What if your flight was cancelled or delayed? There was an emergency at home, far too much responsibility for a 14 yo.

Difficult situation OP, but definitely not the thing to do, ask a friend to look after them rather than this

Do none of you move house? Live abroad? Have small families? Have inappropriate family that you wouldn't leave children with? I could tick every box here and would be in exactly the same situation as the OP (and would take DC with me in this situation). I gave birth alone because I had no one to look after older DC other than dh. it's not "odd", it's a bit sad yes, but it's not a moral failing.

Kindly, that's a very different scenario - what sort of heating issue set off the CO2? You're talking about a grown man, and why don't you charge your phone? That's pretty irresponsible and dangerous.

Last winter I came home to find the carbon monoxide alarm beeping. Luckily I thought to myself I know I need to open the doors and windows, stay outside the house (sat in the car), phone the emergency help line wait for them to come out. At the same time, thought to myself that I think its a battery issue with the thing. I think I might have turned the boiler off, cant remember

It was freezing cold of course, sat in the car, they arrived half hour later, excellent service, cant remember what they're called now.

Little things like that can throw someone. I had to think quickly and just googled on my phone 'CO2 alarm/CO2 leak' and it came up with the gas people that you should call in emergencies like that. I normally dont have any battery on my phone, lucky I did

I dont think my OH would have managed it, he is very likely ADHD/ASD (no diagnosis). Im not sure a child would have the first clue

Is this a boy or girl?

It matters as generally boys are less mature at 14.

I think you have to know your own child.

If you decide to go, do they have emergency numbers of friends and neighbours?

Do they understand safety around fires, not answering the door, what to do in an emergency if they hurt themselves or something goes wrong at home?

It IS odd they have no friend they can stay with - presumably they DO have friends and you can ask their parents to be an emergency back up.

if your child has no friends, that's an issue itself and another thread!

On balance, I'd leave them.

It's not that many years ago (my parent's generation) that children left school at 14 to work and had to fend for themselves in many situation.

No I definitely would not. I am not in your shoes so appreciate that I don't have to ever been in your predicament that this is a decision I would have to consider. Is there absolutely no one that can have him? A classmates parent that you could speak to and explain your difficult situation to?
I am also a loss to understand what could be so pressing for someone overseas that a quick visit from you would resolve, your sons safety is not worth a quick visit.

Absolutely nonsense. Tell me how you know a parent is an alcoholic/drug addict/ pedophile/ wife beater by looking at the child?🥴

If you can’t find anyone to care for DC then he’ll need to come with you and miss a day of school. Just bring a tablet and his phone plus charger and snacks and I’m sure he’ll be fine for a day.