House deposit

Whilst I don’t think everything has to be shared and equal for siblings it seems unfair you helped one and not the other. I’d do £10k each.

I don’t think I would, but I suppose I’m quite a way away from being in that situation so may feel differently if actually faced with it.

Treat the kids equally. Just because one is richer than the other doesn't mean the money wouldn't be useful.

My mum gifted me £10k as a house deposit after both my siblings got on the housing ladder. But she also wrote it into her will that I will get £10k less than the others when she dies. It was much more useful to me back then and I’m very grateful.

Depends on circumstances. My parents bought my a house (well got a mortgage) that my db moved into and then transferred it to my db 2 years later once he had a work record (had lived abroad) and could get his own mortgage. He got a substantial discount of around 35% when it was transferred. Db has had some bad luck and health problems. I’m a bit older and had already owned a house for 15 years. I never had any help with deposits etc. I don’t begrudge my parents helping him out one bit. I’m just glad he’s happy. Suppose it depends on the family dynamics.

No they should be treat equally , I’ve had this discussion with my parents a couple of times most recently when my mum said she was changing will to leave a third to me , third to my brother and third to his children. My niece and nephew will benefit from my estate and it felt like a put down for not being able to be a mother due to years of chronic ill health.

Absolutely not - give them each £10k

I would give it.

But....I would adjust my will to take that into account so that ultimately I had given them the same.

The eldest has got on the ladder done well, the youngest needs that boost. I think it would actually be unfair to not help the youngest if I had the money to do it.

Yes I would.

I might, but the advance would be reflected in my will.

We are child 1 in your scenario and it feels like DP's parents are constantly punishing him for being "successful". He doesn't earn significantly more than his sister but on paper it looks like a lot. She lives somewhere much cheaper and lifestyles are similar and yet she's the one getting help from parents all the time.

It is grating to see and if their wills reflect this preferential treatment I'm not sure there will be much of a relationship left.

I'd hate to have this impact on my own children.

Talk to them.

Rich kid might not mind.

Consider adjusting your will to rebalance

Otherwise give 10K each, unless ...

... don't treat them "equally" if one is fine and the other is in genuine need or danger and you can't afford to help both. But you can be open if that's the case.

I know we don't know who you are in this scenario, but that's the advice I'd give anyone in this situation.

Generally speaking, no. However, if one child was 20k short of their deposit right now and the other one wasn't even interested in buying yet, I might help out the first one now and hope to even it out later (eg when downsizing).

More info needed. Eg. How old are they?

"No children of her own" could change if Child 2 is of child bearing age.

Child 1 could be on the verge of adding another 6 kids to the mix and need to upsize very soon.

What area are you in? £20k might be a 20% deposit in some areas but not enough to make a blind bit of difference in others.

How much savings/other assets does child 2 have?

What are their earning prospects like?

Suggest a codicil is added to the parents’ wills to account for the £20k advance (gift) on the child’s inheritance.

Not necessarily. Perhaps Child 1 got the £20k deposit years ago and the OP is Child 2, pissed off they're getting nothing since the money has run out!

Fully depends on the circumstances and you've not given enough to say.

Mum? Is that you?

No. My two children have just bought a house each. I gave them some money to help buy beds . The same amount each.

Obviously you are child 2. Child 1 has a house and isn't getting 20k

People getting 20k don't ask if they are unreasonable to get it.

The real aibu is obviously whether your sibling is reasonable to feel pissed off that they did it without help and you're getting a lift up so whilst I can see why parents would help "Child 2" because she needs help buying a house, it's not unreasonable for the sibling to feel irked but this should be directed at the parents for treating kids differently and sibling likely feels annoyed that they have always worked hard and not been helped in the same way.

Always? In every situation? One child is unable to work and is in assisted living accommodation due to learning disabilities, the other is earning a 6 figure salary you still give them exactly the same?

I’m child 1 in this scenario (although no significant increase in house value). My parents are giving my sibling £70k for a deposit.
Possibly if I was a bigger person I’d be able to say this doesn’t bother me at all. But it does.

If I only had 20k, yes I'd give it to the one trying to buy a house because that child needs a house amd the other doesn't.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope!!!

Treat them equally. Never give one without the other and that is the way its always been with me.

Yes, if situations meant that it was the most sensible thing and if the kids both agreed. I would want to make it up at some point though.
My kid who owns a house is always asking me to push her sibling to house hunt, and to help contribute to their sibling's house deposit. They care about each other owning a home.