To not want my grandkids to come over because they make me ill?

Could you do something outdoors with them, to avoid the risk of contagion?

I don't think you can ask an ex DIL who was facilitating visits, despite DS having moved away, to stay away because he children are germ laden, without jeopardising your relationship.

It will be the alcohol abuse giving you a weak immune system, my dad is always unwell because of it. First of all, you need to get your drinking problem under control, you using being ill as an excuse is simply that, an excuse, get help, because I imagine everyone who loves you wants you to live as longer life as possible. Secondly, maybe see them outside until the warmer weather properly comes in, there is lots going around at the moment.

You sound overwhelmed, anxious and exhausted to me. It’s so hard to have an ASD adult relying on you 24/7, as I know well X Maybe the extra responsibility of your grandchildren tips you over the edge just now, even though you clearly love them very much x It’s important to look after your health; it’s essential to factor in some relaxation time and self care more - the booze is a habit to escape, I’ve been down that path too. If you’re more relaxed and take little ‘ brain breaks’ and fresh air in the day you may be less inclined to turn to alcohol to relax, then you’ll be less drained to see your little ones xx

As an alcoholic @MrsSlocombesCat your post says to me - I am choosing alcohol over my children and grandchildren.
You've made the excuse of illness, and that perhaps brings them relief!
You can't kid a kidder, you're more comfortable knowing that you won't see anybody because you won't have to interrupt your drinking.

Tell me I'm wrong.

@MrsSlocombesCat

Your immune system is knackered due to a alcohol abuse. I can say this openly because my central nervous system and immune system is knacked from alcohol abuse.

Can I ask if you smoke too? I did until 6 weeks ago. 30 years roll ups
I never thought I could quit smoking... Well I've done it, arming with a cheap vape, juices that are 20mg/10ml nicotine. I haven't even wanted a fag.
Drinking isn't perfect, but I feel so much healthier already. I can't feel my feet as I fucked myself up so much...
I must have ran 3 miles round park with granddaughter last week.
I've not picked up anything viral for a good while.
It's worth it, you can do it!

It is absolutely possible to be catching viruses from children. And their parents hiding the illness, that's really bad.

Unfortunately, masks work the other way, they need to be worn by the sick person.

I'm afraid meeting (only) outside is the only option, even if it means just a short walk together.

Oh & well done for keeping to your resolution😇 it's important to avoid things that could lead you into temptation, I dont know why people are shooting you down so much!

Very tricky @MrsSlocombesCat !
I was constantly getting flu or similar when my children were small, like 3 x per month, and I was in my 20s then.
Can you spend more time outdoors when with them?
Also windows open when indoors?

First defensive nasal spray by Vicks.
you don’t have to have a cold to use it.

I use it before my snotty lot come to visit as I can’t afford to be ill but I don’t want to miss out on them coming

Could you suggest going to the park or something outdoors? I think that's what I'd do.

This will pass as they get a bit older. Can you wear a paper mask and spray down the surfaces they've touched after they've gone? Can you also get them to wash their hands with soap and water the moment they arrive? And can you ask your son if either of them has anything at the moment and delay the visit if they do?

Hope you feel better and feel you can cope. I understand. Please ignore the vipers.

You are relentlessly supporting a son with ASD 24/7 and have an alcohol issue. You sound like you are struggling and be
Coming run down for a variety reasons. The grandchildren are another responsibility to manage and you need to be well to manage all these demands. You need to have a frank tal with your son or daughter for a temporary reprieve from caring for the children without guilt or accusation from them as your wellbeing must come first at the moment. Big hugs

My kids and my brother’s kids take turns getting my parents sick and my parents send it back and forth too. If anything really nasty has been caught, we coordinate to give my parents a month or so away from the kids so they can really recover. And if the kids are sick we suggest going to the park or my mum will mask to protect herself. We don’t hide being sick but we are almost MORE worried if we’re healthy we could be incubators.

Yes focus on hygiene for the kids
Yes take a break and get your energy up
Yes talk to your doctor about your immune system and any tests you should get given your history with alcohol

They try to conceal their colds
How terribly selfish

I am very careful not to see my mum if anyone in my house is ill.

The parents of those small children need to be much, much more careful spreading illnesses to you - particularly as you had pneumonia. That can bloody kill people!

I have also been complaining that I’ve had a cold every week since December that I keep catching from the nursery so this is possible. Tbf I am also a carer of an autistic ds, as are you so the demand of that probably weakens the immune system.
can you see them outdoors or put your foot down and say they will be turned away if they come over poorly again?

Selfish

Get yourself to your GP for a full check up. The alcohol could have been masking symptoms which are now showing up in your body. Ask for a liver function test whilst there too.

Make sure you're eating well, and getting plenty of vitamins into your system. I think it's less the kids passing on new weekly viruses, vs your body not being where it should be after the drinking. Rule things out and take it from there.

I just recently got over a 4 week virus given to me by grandchild. I know how you feel. I know every time I go to there home, I will get sick. I do have better luck when they come to mine instead.