To not want my grandkids to come over because they make me ill?

You are setting up a false protection to falling off the wagon. You believe being ill makes you drink and your DGC make you ill, ergo avoid your DGC and you won't drink. I think you will find this isn't the shield you think it will be. So my advice is to work through what really makes you drink (illness is your excuse not the cause) with support. Take vit D and C, eat well, do what excercise you're capable of, practise good hygiene and see your DGC. Your relationships with your family may be quite fragile given your alcoholism, so I think you need to protect them.

You are phobic about getting ill, you actually say so,so this is what needs to be addressed.
You have no evidence it was your grandchildren who made you ill.
Drinking for comfort when ill seems weird to me, surely you just feel even worse.
Drinking heavily is a huge problem, whatever time of day it is, and will further weaken your immune system making getting ill more likely

Wear a mask.
Wash hands frequently.

Take vitamins - your drinking might be interfering with your nutrition or absorption of nutrients.

Talk to your GP about your drinking problem. Yes, you have a problem there.
Consider whether Alcoholics Anonymous would be a good idea for you.

Are you really bothered by the grandkids' visits or do you just want to be left in peace to drink?

You're lucky You're allowed to see them at all being an active alcoholic. Do you drink before seeing them/ when they're around?

Yes. And if you’re an alcoholic your grandchildren would be better off not spending time with you.

I think you have nailed it WRT the sickness. OP needs to specify not to come if they have any symptoms at all, even just feeling run down, as that may be a precursor to illness. Then apply covid rules, including ventilation and distancing. Not masks though!

They do get ill. My toddler gets a new bug most weeks, but even with the liberal application if sneezes and coughs directly into my mouth, food and whatever I still don't catch all of it and it's usually a mild head cold. Don't get me wrong there are some stinkers in there but they're not predominant.

But OPs grandkids are 11 and 13. Almost teenagers, not young kids. Well past the age of constant nursery bugs and very much capable of basic hygiene. They can use tissues, cover mouths, wash hands.

I'm surprised your son and wife/partner want their children anywhere near someone with an alcohol problem.

You’re making excuses to drink OP. Having a cold doesn’t make people with a healthy attitude to alcohol start drinking.

Dont know why people are suggesting young kids arent full of germs, I have them and we are constantly sick. Kids who go to school or nursery, especially younger ones are constantly sick, me and my mum friends talk about how rough this winter has been- me and baby were sick from nov to feb, got 3 weeks off and now have a V&D bug, it's horrible.

That being said you cant blame the drinking on you having a cold, I cant imagine anything worse than drinking when sick.

Just tell them you arent well

It's funny because it's only happened in recent weeks, all through winter I was fine until then. Actually I was drinking regularly throughout that time! It's only since I stopped that I have been catching the colds.
—-
OP you are lying to yourself and to us. The problem is not your family it is you and your addiction

Sorry OP but you’re an alcoholic. You deny and make excuses, you’re inconsistent and evasive in your answers about your drinking, and you drink to cope with things you find difficult. It’s not about quantity, time of day or anything else. Alcoholics aren’t just poor things asleep on a bench with a bottle of Buckfast. They have jobs, run businesses, take their kids to school - even look after grandchildren. But they’re still alcoholics.

Ok, so on one hand you are claiming you are drinking because of the colds and you hate being ill. Then next you don't start drinking until after the worst of the cold has passed so it's not the alcohols fault...

If you're not drinking until after you start to get better then the cold isn't the reason and you're drinking because you want to drink and using having a cold as an excuse.

I would hope it's not anything on purpose - I have 2 kids and my threshold for thinking someone is ill enough to mention it is really high nowadays - it has to be 'actually' sick as opposed to a cold for me to think it's worth changing plans. So their mother might not understand what you mean when you say 'don't visit if you're sick'. I don't even notice snotty noses and such nowadays (though was 100% careful with my friend who was immunocompressed and basically never brought my kids as they have nonstop colds)

I think it's lovely that an 11/13 year old are still coming to see you - at this point it is their choice and they are choosing to maintain that connection despite your son being so absent. I really wouldn't want to discourage it.

If you feel like your drinking isn't in your control or external factors such as being slightly unwell make you behave in a way you'd prefer not to, it's a problem. A drinking problem is important to recognise and it would be good to get some support in managing this.

Theres some big assumptions here from posters?!

I am mid thirties and can pretty much guarantee if I visit friends with sick kids, that I’ll catch it too! So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your immune system, it’s just how viruses spread & kids can be great at spreading them around. My friends parents tend to tell me ahead & then depending what I’ve got planned in next week, I decide whether it’s worth the risk or not.

Meeting outdoors is probably a safer bet but not that practical right now as it’s cold. A chat with the parent or kids about how you don’t cope well at the moment when you do catch a cold so please let you know ahead of visits seems reasonable?

The alcohol is the problem. Alcohol does significantly impact the immune system, no matter when you drink. Therefore if you drink alcohol when you get a cold its linked to worsening and extending the symptoms. So when you drink 'for comfortable' because you hate being ill, you are actually making yourself sicker for longer.

Then your system is down from the drinking and worse illness, so you catch another. And you drink more. Repeat.

No one likes being sick, but colds shouldn't be debilitating you as much as you claim. You will however feel pretty rough if you have a minor cold and a hangover from downing drinks before going to bed the night before.

Ok. So you are an alcoholic but aren’t ready to admit that and can’t accept it’s part of the problem here. And that’s fine. You are an adult and your alcohol intake is your decision.

To be clear are you seeing you NEVER want to see your grandchildren incase they make you ill?

Does your son have any contact with his kids or has he just abandoned them? Because if you do this, if you tell their mum to stop bringing them round then that will be it. You won’t have them in your life. All because you can’t control your drinking when you have a cold.

I’d get help for the alcoholism before cutting off my grandkids. Caring for your ASD son is tough, but cutting off family won’t help with that.

I think the number of posters who have touched upon the load you’re carrying, are getting the core of this issue, which I feel is less around colds and more around your ability to carry this load. I think you need to listen to this message and there have been some great suggestions about conversations you could have with your son. The issue about grandchildren and illness is just a symptom I think of the much bigger issue.

Take a vitamin D supplement- this has really helped cold avoidance in this household. Also the first defence stuff you spray up your nose, I use that after any suspected exposure, if someone is coughing on the bus or in an enclosed space. Seems to work.
Little kids are germ factories as anyone with kids at nursery will testify! Take them to the park or play in the garden if you have one?