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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my son as missing?

459 replies

stucky · 18/03/2025 21:23

Wondering when to start panicking? DS 22, hasn't been home since Friday day time. He usually lets me know what's going on. It's not unusual for him to spend time at a friends for a day or two, however I've messaged his closest friends, no one's seen him since Friday. His phone been dead since Saturday morning. I know he's not a child, but he's my son and I'm concerned about his wellbeing. Should I report him as a missing person? Or am I overreacting? I just don't know what to do.

Please be kind, I am currently feel very fragile.

OP posts:
LittleGwyneth · 19/03/2025 20:43

So glad that he's home.

BotDranning · 19/03/2025 20:41

You have acted with great strength and consideration. I'm so glad he's home. Big hugs to you all x

Emotionalsupporthamster · 19/03/2025 20:39

Glad to hear your DS is OK OP. For what it’s worth I think it sounds like you dealt with the situation very well despite being sick with worry as we’d all be.

SpringIsNearlySpringing · 19/03/2025 20:35

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

*he’s

Show quote history

Oh well done 👏
🙄

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 19/03/2025 20:31

Really glad he’s with you now. Look after yourselves.

Hadjab · 19/03/2025 20:29

Bbq1 · 19/03/2025 19:30

Agreed. It would be on the news surely? How could a mother have "peace of mind", happily posting on MN whilst her ds has been missing for days and not turned up for work?

Show quote history

Do you know how many people go missing on a daily basis in the UK?

Around 400. They aren't all going to make the evening news.

treesandsun · 19/03/2025 20:27

Glad he is back home and safe - you must be very relieved.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/03/2025 20:25

So pleased he’s safe. Such a worry for you. I hope he let you give him a hug.

petiteoeuf · 19/03/2025 20:18

So glad he’s ok. And just to say that I love the way you talk about your relationship and your personal beliefs about parenting. You sound like such an empathetic, determined and supportive mum and I really love it

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:05

Just realised his ok 👍that's good to hear …

Show quote history

*he’s

OldCottageGreenhouse · 19/03/2025 20:18

Quinlan · 18/03/2025 21:25

You haven’t already? With what you’ve said, i’d have reported it sunday night or yesterday. Why have you waited until now?

What the HELL is wrong with you????

MrsMrsD · 19/03/2025 20:16

I'm so glad he's home and hope he gets the help he needs. You have done nothing wrong OP. Ignore the ignorant people on the Internet. Take care x

Branster · 19/03/2025 20:14

So so pleased to see your update OP, I've been thinking about your thread since I saw it yeasterday but didn't feel it was appropriate to comment in the midst of everything else.
Always seek help, your son is more important than anything else in this world for you, certainly more important than a stretched police service. Hopefully there won't be a-next time, but if there is, seek help asap.
I hope your son will benefit from alll the support he is now seeking and I wish you only the best.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/03/2025 20:14

mummysmagicmedicine · 19/03/2025 20:09

Please do

Do what? Confused

TreadLightly3 · 19/03/2025 20:12

So glad he’s home @stucky i hope all works out for you and your son x

Notagreatresult · 19/03/2025 20:12

So glad he’s home now OP.

oldmoaner · 19/03/2025 20:11

So pleased he's home and safe, and if he wants counselling go to doctors and get it sorted. That's the first step, asking for help.ngood luck to both of you.

DoggingDave · 19/03/2025 20:10

stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

8.10pm post is still here! Glad he's back safe hope you get it all sorted best of luck.

mummysmagicmedicine · 19/03/2025 20:09

Please do

Apollo365 · 19/03/2025 20:08

Glad he’s ok OP xxx

DistressedDamson · 19/03/2025 20:05

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:03

Definitely and please do it right away ..

Please do what? 🙄😂

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:05

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:03

Definitely and please do it right away ..

Just realised his ok 👍that's good to hear …

Atsocta · 19/03/2025 20:03

Definitely and please do it right away ..

Letskeepcalm · 19/03/2025 20:01

Well done, not we'll dine

Letskeepcalm · 19/03/2025 20:00

stucky · 19/03/2025 19:08

hi everyone, he's home and unscathed. He's not in a great headspace and has asked for some counselling. We have quite a complex history with DV and I think he's being impacted by unresolved trauma.

I read some comments about gentle parent and how it can create lazy, complacent adults or something to that affect.

I am not a shouter, I don't like punitive measures and I trust my son. We have a good relationship and are very close. I don't feel and have never felt the need to breach his privacy as an adult until this weekend.
When he was jumped, he was with his girlfriend and they called me and let me know what had happened. We FaceTimed and I offered to go over, I wanted to be with him. I respected his decision to not have me there. I try to be respectful of his decisions and by no means claim to be a perfect parent. I really wasn't coming on here to have my parenting judged from snapshots of information.
Colleagues and friends of mine are police officers and I know how stretched services are. I didn't want to involve them unless it was absolutely necessary and all other avenues of enquiry had been explored. I was right in my decision and my actions yesterday have resulted in him coming home,
for what it's worth.

I can tell you that I was worried about a million things and had concerns about his welfare last night. Felt like an awful mum and in those moments, which I believe we alll have, I did not want or need affirmation of my darkest fears and failings from strangers on the internet.

I am going to remove this thread at 8pm but wanted to thank those posters that were supportive and kind. It really helped, as I said I needed unbiased opinions so thank you so much.

i hope you all have a peaceful, uneventful evening. I will not be responding to any more posts but am appreciative of the concern felt for my family and I.

So glad he's safe. Been through the same with my kids. It's NOT EASY being a parent. We'll dine. You sound like a lovely mother to me