DH retiring and how to sort money

It’s not actually recommended that someone give up a very stressful job to retire retire. In my profession there are pension meetings before someone retires and as it’s such a manic/ stressful job they tell people it’s fine to have a month off or go on holiday etc but then they need to get another job because it’s too much of a shock otherwise. If I make it to retirement age, which for me would be 60 I would then try to get another job. Minimum wage would be fine.
So I think you should tell your partner that. Great that he wants to leave his job but for the sake of his mental health and also your joint finances he will need to do something else even if it’s 2 days a week.

This.

You are right to keep your finance separate. I personally wouldn't let him work in the business, it makes no sense to dilute your earnings when you don't really need the help. When he retires he needs to be able to cover his fair share of any costs and also make an equal contribution to household expenditure and holidays.

I haven't read the whole thread, but have read all the OP posts, so apologies if this has already been said.

You support him retiring from his current job because it's stressful. Why can't he get another, maybe PT, less stressful job to contribute more/properly to the household? It feels as if he wants to contribute, but he can't expect you to create work in your business for him. He needs to find something else so he can make a decent contribution/cover his own costs/extravagances.

I'm just trying to figure out why you MARRIED a fiscally irresponsible man, spent time financing his debts and subsidising his continuously feckless lifestyle, and thought he'd wake up one day making smart, independent financial choices.

Tell him he cannot retire because he cannot afford it.

You sound quite calculated, but this is presumably an aversion to financing him dossing about/eating further into your purse, after he's made such a colossal fuck up of his finances. What is he doing with 3 cars and £900 income per month?

Again, why did you marry him?

Also sounds like your DH should catalogue his kites, exercise balls etc. and list them for sale on ebay.

He could learn to use the metal detector and hunt for treasure too.

You can retire at 55 if you have pots of money not 900 quid 🤣🤣 He's taking the piss

He's 55. He might have sensibly resigned from his stressful job. But he can still work at something non-stressful, and if he can't support himself on his pension, then that's what he needs to do.

I'm still amazed that you didn't discuss this beforehand.

He can't afford to retire. He's clearly expecting you to bankroll him and thinks your modest £3k pm income is a magic money tree. Oh dear.

He hates his job, fair enough he wants to leave but at 55 and assuming no health restrictions he could work part time in a garden centre or something, earning £1500-2000 pm depending on hours, less stress and wouldn't expect you to pay him for meddling needlessly helping out with your business.

I will add that there's no legal obligation for all assets in a marriage to be shared despite what the vows say. It's only upon divorce they are deemed to be shared in order to split them. Before then there's no way of enforcing sharing. My husband and I have separate bank accounts, savings, pensions etc (and a joint account for household/kids stuff though that's not compulsory either). No one from the Ministry of Marriage has ever rapped on the door and ordered us to move everything into joint names!

OP, I’m confused why you said in your opening post that you ‘totally agree’ with your husband’s decision to retire early, when every single one of your subsequent posts shows that you clearly don’t agree with it in the slightest.

Also, given how you've helped him out in the past and how shit he is financially, it's a kick in the teeth that he won't be sharing any of his huge inheritance with you - his long suffering wife!

We started talking about his retirement about 5 years ago. Mainly on dog walks. It’s been airy fairy and we’ve never sat down to hammer out how the money would work.

What on earth have you been talking about for five years, if it's not 'can you/we afford to do this?' @Moneyponders?

How much do you have to rescue this man before you feel like it's fair for him to pay his way?

Seriously, he is a spendy man who, despite having means, he frittered away any life earnings that weren't glued down.

Crassly, he is planning on you subbing him til he gets an inheritance which you, as a gentle soul, deep down hope that means he isn't a parasite using you. But he is a parasite, because he hasn't provided for himself.

He can't afford to retire with his existing standard of living and he hasn't broken his speedy lifetime habits, ergo his expectation is that he will sponge off you, while dressing it up in pretty packaging as helping you and you being a team.

Don't let him near your business. If you weren't already married to him, I'd suggest not doing that either!

Has he actually said he expects payment for 'helping' you run your business?

If so, I'd tell him straight that no, you don't need any help and cannot afford to pay an employee. Or point out that you'd be happy for him to help you when the business is busy, however, as you've helped him financially in the past, it will be because he's being kind, and not to receive any payment.

There's no way I'd be paying him for help that you don't even need when he's a prolific spender and has had money problems in the past. Why on earth is he retiring at 55yrs old for £900/mth?!

Why is he retiring at 55? You say he is a spender so it sounds like he can't actually afford to retire, especially if you don't want to pool funds. Could he semi retire and go part time at his work or get another part time job in order to top up his income?

I agree with you op. I wouldn’t be supporting a physically fit 55 year old man ( who has no financial awareness ) to retire. Is he lazy ? What on earth does he expect to do every day of the week and who does he expect to finance him?
He cannot afford to retire!

You don't need his help in the business so don't give him a pity job

He continues to pay his share, if his pension is not enough then he can do PT at Tesco or wherever.

"Working" together is a recipe for disaster anyway. Also, you don't need an employee. Keep it separate and ask him to find his extra money elsewhere.

I think in his head he will be earning half by helping the op with the business even though she doesn’t really want his help.

Why did you quote my post (and reply to the points made in it) if you weren't replying to me?

You just need to be completely clear and honest with him OP, he either continues working or accepts that he will have to live within his means and if you want to keep your finances separate you will have to accept changes to your lifestyle too (eg holidays) unless you are willing to pay for some things.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld he needs to still pay his half of food and bills.

If that only leaves him with £400 a month then he will need to supplement his income with a part time job.

I'd make it clear that you don't need help with your business. It sounds as if he wants to help then thinks he gets half your £3000 a month.

You are sounding so crass. It's a marriage not a list of assets. No way would I like to see my dh retire at 55, potentially 40 more years together of him not working.
Insane.
Hecan volunteers, be a trustee, mentor young people.
You sound like you are going to be paying for him . I would not do this.

It’s like the MN Roast Chicken that lasts a family of 4 for a week! 🤣
I’m amazed by how much people can save whilst seemingly buying a lot.

Tell him to take a minimum wage job: work in a shop. work in a bar, do some admin or call centre work.

That would be 1600+900 and invest the 60 000 @ 4% for £200 a month additional income. That's £2 700 a month which should be enough.

I wouldn't let him elbow in on your business: all your eggs in one basket is a risk..

OP, I think you need to sit down with him, and tell him outright that you will NOT be funding his retirement in any way, shape or form. Point out that he will only have £900 p.m, out of which he will need to give you £500, and that his will leave him with £400 a month to fund EVERYTHING that he wants.

I would also point out, that if he continues to spaf his money up the wall, his £60k will soon be gone, and so rather than retiring, you think he should get a job which is far less stressful, but will still bring him in enough to top up his £900 each month.

What I don't understand, is why, when you say you've talked during dog walks, that 'It’s all a bit awkward', does he not understand how poor he will feel, or does he think that you are going to fund him? Either way, you need to enlighten him NOW!

You don't need to understand my point, I was replying to someone else. Not you, not the OP.