BE - dog and newborn guilt

No point trying to row back from your original post with ‘you made some good points’ now.

and no, it doesn’t equate dogs to children. It’s about being a responsible human being and pet owner. It’s precisely because people don’t think ahead and plan for things that can happen, let alone when it’s staring them in the face, that these issues arise and awful situations occur.

youre obviously entitled to your views but I’m afraid I don’t agree that wanting a child means you can just abscond from the responsibilities and ties you already have when those are also to another living being. You may not like it or agree with it which is perfectly fine but perhaps don’t get a pet or take responsibility for one in that case.

If you read the OP’s posts, it’s clear from what she has posted that the dog obviously was able to overcome certain triggers with consistency which seems to have not been applied when they knew a baby was on the way.

also ludicrous to extrapolate from what I said to a completely different situation. A dog that becomes reactive after a child is born is not the same as what’s happened here. That is completely different. The point is that here they were very aware of the many issues surrounding the dog before the baby was born and don’t appear to have done much to plan for it and that really is the issue.

Op didn’t choose to get a dog, partner had it before they were together, and it sounds like their whole lives revolved around this dog for 14 years making many allowances for his anxiety and difficulties (no visitors, no holidays, certain walk routes etc) but a baby cannot be risked. There is no thing wrong with them choosing to have a baby! Some may choose not to because of their dog but that doesn’t make their choice the wrong one

You made some good points in your post, perhaps the OP could have done more for the dog before the baby was born. But then you unfortunately lose credibility and your entire post is dismissed completely when you say the OP should have resigned herself to a childless life because she had a reactive dog. That’s ludicrous. And it equates dogs to children. What if the dog became reactive after she had a child? Would you suggest rehoming the child because the dog came first and a dog is for life? Like I said, ludicrous.

You were absolutely correct to do what you did. The dog was not aware it was going to be pts.
I am going to get a roasting for this and I am prepared!!
Why wasn’t the dog pts immediately it bit someone or at least the second time it bit someone?
You can protect yourself and friends at home, but what if there was a fire, you had an accident or a there was a robbery while you were out? What if the dog escaped?
Do innocent firefighters, paramedics, police or innocent members of the public deserve to get bitten?

You definitely did the right thing. You will really be grieving now, as well as dealing with the guilt, but you would be dealing with so much more guilt if anything bad had happened.

You gave him an awesome life! Try to focus on that. You're a great dog/baby parent. x

The dog could have lived 5 years more, you have no idea how old OP is or her circumstances.

OP and her partner gave a very difficult dog who has already bitten people a good life..
They made a lot of allowances for the dog over his life that I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't.
They did the right thing for their dog and for their baby

It's obvious you had no choice. I understand you will grieve for your dog but don't feel guilty. You were right to put your baby first.
I think you may have saved your babys life by letting him go. If you start to feel guilty just remember that

You clearly didn’t read what I wrote. Nowhere did I say dogs are equivalent to human children.

if anything, I said they should consider their baby’s safety first but it sounds from what was written this was done in an irresponsible way with little preparation or thought given to what might happen if the dog didn’t adapt.

and yes, when you have agreed to look after another living thing your desire to simply have a baby doesn’t just automatically trump that. Sorry if you find that an unpopular opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️

there are many badly behaved dogs for a variety of reasons.

Don’t have a baby because you have a dog? What a ridiculous post. Dogs are not human children and equating them as such is a huge part of the reason there are so many badly behaved dogs now.

@Cat921 he lived to a good age in a home where he was loved. at his age any change in his health or environment would make him extremely wary. it is unlikely that he would have lasted much longer. you did the correct thing in this instance. if it had been a young dog i would have advocated rehoming but not at that age. rehoming at that age would have sent him in a downward spiral.

I’m sorry you feel that way but getting a dog is not a light commitment. As I said, the OP was right to protect her baby but do I think they had a cavalier attitude to how the dog would adapt and an irresponsible way of hoping for the best - well then, yes.

they did say the dog eventually became used to the mother who gave it treats which indicates that consistency and time and dedication meant it was able to overcome certain people.

there are plenty of people saying to posters it’s clear they don’t have reactive dogs when it’s also clear that some do. I am one of them and yes I have had to make different life choices.

people should be aware that the dog they want may not be the dog they end up with and be prepared to accommodate for that - if not then frankly they shouldn’t have one. And if more people didn’t have dogs that would also be for the best if they aren’t able to care for it for the whole of its life.

what an unkind post

What is BE?

I will be honest and say I found your post extremely upsetting to read and whilst it’s done now, I feel you should feel guilty and I do hope you don’t own another dog again.

You just thought the dog would adapt to having the baby?? You had nine months and you made no plan to get him used to sleeping outside or to thinking of what happens if he doesn’t get used to it? Your husband had reservations but still neither of you proactively did anything? You say he finally became used to your mother - was she unable to take him in or at the very least to have him for a week when you came back and you were feeling this way?

you put him to sleep after just a week of bringing your baby home? Of course, you should consider your baby’s safety but you did this in such a hugely irresponsible way and prematurely ended the life of a dog that considered itself also part of your family.

I agree with the poster - I know she is being flamed here - who said you shouldn’t have had the baby. I have a reactive dog. He in particular does not like children. I’m 38 and I have made the decision not to have children if I can’t accommodate him and find him somewhere where he loves as much.

I think your excuses sound really lazy. There are dog shelters - good independent ones - that deal with reactive dogs with a history of biting who will
come and give advice.

I think it’s a real shame. When you take on a dog it should be for life come what may and you should be aware you may through no fault get a reactive dog and if you aren’t prepared to do cope with that then you shouldn’t get one. I think it is odd to have been trying for a baby and to have done very little to have prepared for what might happen if he wasn’t able to get used to it.

My mums dog was so reactive that Spaniel Aid nearly PTS. She had severe SA, shadow chasing, aggressive (not reactivity) to men, bite history - basically everything a dog could have go wrong, she did.

But my mum adopted her, worked on her triggers, and now she’s a balanced and happy family member.

Oh, and by PTS - I mean they nearly gave up on her as the fosterer couldn’t deal with her (guess what, despite being an ‘experienced trainer’) and no one wanted her. She languished for months.

Yes, some dogs are challenging. But too many people don’t shop around and find alternative trainers or ways of working with the dog - they see some person fail and say ‘dog can’t be fixed.’

I’m sorry OP lost her dog, she did the right thing at that stage. But if she couldn’t manage or fix its for years issues, she should have engaged more than one trainer or rehomed long ago to someone who could helps - particularly as the dog had bitten on two separate occasions. Dogs with bite histories need people to help them - not shove them in a different room when people come to their house, thereby making their fear and terror and, in some cases, anger worse.

Just to say I’m so sorry for your loss, but you have done the right thing. You clearly went above and beyond to accommodate your dog and gave him 14 happy years. Be gentle and forgive yourself.

You’ve done the right thing. When my DD was a baby a Jack Russell mauled a newborn to death in its home, it was in the news, and it really upset and stayed with me. You can’t be too careful, ever

sending you love

So so sorry for your loss, but you have done the right thing, your darling dog was a good age for a JRT and you gave him 14years of being your world, but his age meant he would probably only get worse as he aged.
the baby stressed him and so you did the selfless thing that was right for all of you

Less people should be afraid of BE, sometimes it is the best option and it was here. The dog had no concept of tomorrow and he wasn't happy, an anxious dog is not a happy dog.
You didn't pass the problem on to someone else you took responsibility for it and handled it in the most appropriate way.

You did the right thing. I Rehomed my dog recently after he showed aggression to my toddler. I feel guilty as I had him for 9 years, but oddly I’ve found comfort in still talking to the dog each morning as if he’s still here. It’s my habits and his absence that hurt.

also, little weird but I’ve found it comforting to snuggle a furry soft toy for a few minutes when I’m sad, and say my doggies name and scratch the toy like I did my dog… I also explained to the soft toy between kisses why he had to leave and how much I love him. I know it sounds a little weird but going through those motions have helped me grieve.

maybe you could try that? 🌺

Yep

You could have given him longer to adjust and he seemed fine and then still could have turned later down the line, then you would have never forgiven yourself.
He had a long happy life with you both and personally think would have been more stressful for him to be re homed at that age so think you made the right decision x don't be so hard on yourself x I think your just having a natural reaction as a good person x

Then you have obviously never owned a severely reactive pet. However much work you do - and you can improve behaviour to an extent, some dogs are never going to be safe around children, other dogs, people. I spent years in specialist classes, with behaviourists and training my pet and while her behaviour improved she will never ever be ‘safe’. I have known experienced dog trainers who have surrendered reactive pets because certain behaviours cannot be trained out.

I have a reactive JRT, and since my child was born she has had to live with my parents because it is just far far too dangerous around a baby. Fortunately she saw my parents’ place as a home anyway as we were there so much. Now even 2 years later we have to manage the dog at all times and it’s really hard work to have dog and child in same house. We could not have lived that way. However guilty you feel now, you would have felt a million times worse if the dog had harmed the baby or worse. It is your responsibility to keep your child safe, and you did so. Ignore people on here who have no experience of a highly reactive dog. Most people put them down or surrender them to shelters. You gave your pet a good life.