DS was hit in the face by a child at school

My child has high function austism and finds free play overwhelming sometimesb. We are working with him and school to get him to recognise this feeling and to walk away to calm down.

If this child had been in his face demanding if he was ok, my child could very likely react in the same way.

In no way, shape or form is violence tolerated or accepted in my home or family.

Children need to learn to respect others space and listen to when they are told to back off.

I appreciate they are only children, punchee should have got adults help rather than provoking the puncher

I get it OP, I have a child of a similar age and the sad looking child alone on the playground is a very common example that adults give when talking about being kind. It's a relatable example for this age and in most cases it's the kind thing to do so I can see how he could have done this with good intentions.

I'm all for teaching children about differences and inclusion but some things need a mature adult to take the lead. It sounds like this older boy needs a competent adult to keep an eye, make sure he gets space when needed and onlookers redirected away. I don't think you can expect children to be able to work out if a person needs comfort or space and they shouldn't have been left in this position to get hurt.

A lot of people in this thread trying to justify a young child being hit in the face three times by an older and likely much bigger boy, because he made the mistake of trying to be kind is madness and I suspect most of you would not be as fine with it as you’re making out if it happened to your child.

My DD (and many others in her year group) had a miserable time in primary due to a ND boy being allowed to physically assault them. It was never his fault though and (unsurprisingly) over the years his behaviour got worse and the attacks more nasty. Pulling out girls hair, pinching, squeezing of wrists and not letting go (resulting in bad bruising), punching, slapping, kicking, whipping with branches etc. One boy even got strangled and two teachers struggled to get him off. It was always the other children’s fault though, for talking near him, accidentally brushing against him when walking by, using the pencil he wanted etc.

Sorry this happened to your child OP. Hope he’s okay and it doesn’t stop him being kind and caring in the future to other children.

You need to ask yourself what you’re hoping for here? What would be an outcome that would satisfy you?
Im sure now that there has been an incident that the school will be keeping a closer eye on this boy from now on.
I would also explain to your son that some times people need to be alone and it’s not always the right thing to do to follow them.

Are you talking about me? What makes you think I “teach my child violence”? You either haven’t read it properly or you’re exaggerating for effect. I teach my children that violence against them (and others) is never ok. I’ve merely said that “hitting back” in reality is far more effective than wishy washy approaches that centre the feelings of the aggressor. Thankfully I’ve never had to be in that position to give that advice

I would recommend a woman defending herself where it would work in her favour, yes.

I mean, I'm not surprised her child struggles to understand given her quoted response above. A child who has only been taught to resolve a conflict with violence isn't going to be the most emotionally intelligent child. A bit rich really when she mentions DV in so many of her posts, and teaches her own child to resolve conflicts with violence.

Was that in response to me? I was quoting a poster who stated ND DC should know how to behave but her own NT KS2 child can do what he likes as he cant possibly understand giving another child space.

Would you recommend that a woman hit her husband back in the scenario you've described in your post?

Tell us you don’t know anything about ND without telling us 😳
you seem completely unaware that ADULTS with some forms of ND struggle with emotional regulation. Jeez adults without ND often struggle.

the child WAS doing what he should be doing. He was removing himself from the situation. That IS working on his emotional regulation. Sadly in this case the chaos followed him with all good intentions.

adults with ASD, ADHD, bipolar, BPD are taught to do exactly what the child did. Move away. Because he knew he was being overwhelmed and might have a meltdown. He was trying to do what he was taught to do

NT infact all of us should be taught to leave people alone when they seek solace. It’s not just for NT to learn how to behave and resound. Everyone should

Yes the bits intention was to be kind but to a person who is overstimulated and overwhelmed, a swarm of people surrounding them insisting they communicate can feel like an attack.

the older child was doing the right thing. He was removing himself from the situation. The younger kids kept bringing the triggering situation to him.

im not saying hitting was ok. I’m saying the situation was of two young children trying their best to navigate things.

There is nothing to suggest OP's child was goading the older boy. You've made that up. The fact you'd be furious with your child, suggests that either your kids are prone to unkind behaviour or that you are a harsh, unkind parent. The OP's 7 year old has done nothing wrong, he was being kind. The teachers have confirmed that.

Giving people space isn't superior emotional intelligence. My 3 YO understands giving people space.

What I don’t understand is players who think a 7yo should have superior emotional intelligence and know the specific needs of individual ND children, but someone 3-4 years their senior (an enormous gap when you’re a child) should be violent because they’re ND.

Is it really helping ND children by making excuses for violence? Really?

What I don't understand is posters always state ND should understand this or that but expect NT DC not to develop any emotional intelligence by KS2

I also think of you and a 7yo DD who was hit the responses would be different. But for some reason on MN little boys are expected to be much wiser and tuned in than little girls and there’s v little sympathy for when they’re hurt

Geez, talk about victim blaming!

I believe your son was being kind. I have a kind son too who’d do the same because he wouldn’t always understand that a another child needs to cool off in a certain way (and why would they, they aren’t psychic, they’re 7).

Your boy isn’t to blame, and I’m so glad you’re advocating for him and not taking the AWFUL advice from players here to have a go at him or teach him it’s ok for ND children to hit. It’s not. parents of ND children are often deeply sensitive about this issue and I think you just hit a nerve with a few.

I appreciate everything that you've said. But as PPs have said the older DC was using the tools he had learnt. An empathetic 7 year old should understand giving people space, he isn't a baby anymore. Something to work on, that's all.

It’s not ok but it does happen.

the other child was trying to self regulate himself. Even with the best of intentions your child got in the way of this. Learning that some people need space isn’t a bad thing.

in an ideal world all children with additional needs would always be perfectly regulated but that’s not how it works. Just like your child is learning the other child is also learning how to deal with their bodies reaction to things.

I’ve given advice to the OP.

My grievance is the victim blaming on MN.

The school is dealing with it, I wouldn't do anything further as far as the school goes.

I'd praise my son because his instincts were kind. I'd tell him the boy shouldn't have hit him, and that hitting is not ok.

I'd explain to him that sometimes people get overwhelmed and need to walk away to cool off, and it's best to leave them to it.

I get overwhelmed and need to isolate sometimes. One of the biggest issues I had with my ex husband was that he would follow me around when I was trying to cool down. It felt like torture to me, not being able to regular myself. I never hit him, because I'm an adult and I have more self-control than an 11-year-old child does.

Not necessarily. If a group of men followed a woman as she went off to be on her own and wouldn’t stop harassing her then she would be unlikely to be seen as the perpetrator if she lashed out at a perceived threat.

it’s all in the context.

So once again, I’ll ask what would you like them to do differently. What is your advice to the op?

Most people’s view is nothing - it was dealt with.