DS was hit in the face by a child at school

You said that your child would ‘probably react in the same way’ which was an unprovoked violent assault.

I hope you sleep well. Goodnight

Excuse you. My child has never hit anyone. He has been hit, he hasn't need a day of school to deal with it.

We teach him to respect everyone but are also teaching him about his reactions to others, personal space and boundaries.

You have the day you deserve

I’m sorry your son was violently assaulted in this way.

Unfortunately ND seems to override the rights of other children and their expectation of being kept safe at school. It’s truly abhorrent that a 7 year old is being blamed when he was attacked by an older, larger child who needed to ‘cool down’ when in fact he should have been separated from the other children until he was able to regulate himself.

@ForgottenPasswordNewAccount violent little boys (ND or otherwise) who aren’t taken in hand and taught not to assault others regardless of their ‘needs’ grow up to be thugs who abuse women and children and/or are the monsters who kill other young men with one punch kills- but I’m sure you’ll disagree and say that’s hyperbole.

A seven year old asking a much larger and older child if he was okay is not ‘provoking’ the violent bully to physically assault him. I’m sure if your son had been punched in the face by another older child you’d have something to say about it and how he certainly couldn’t have possibly ‘provoked it.’ Gross. Do better.

so an 11 year old shouldn’t understand that he cannot violently assault a much younger and smaller child because he ‘needs space?’

It sounds like he needs space away from other children on a long term basis for their protection frankly.

You do realise schools don't have the supervising numbers at lunchtime anymore due to budget cuts. We're lucky if we have 3 or 4 grown ups outside for 240 or so KS2 children at times... there's no chance in hell they can pick one just to monitor with that ratio

Cracking work blaming the 7 year old. 👍🏻 it needn’t be either of the children’s ‘fault’, just a shortcoming of a teacher/TA who should have been overseeing a child who had risen themselves off to ‘cool down’.

As usual we have a ton of people projecting rather than reading on this thread.

She did not say that. If you read the post it clearly says they don't tolerate it.

Why does everyone make this assumption? I've never seen anyone say he has ND it's fine. What they do manage to do with an understanding of ND is actually give a decent, useful suggestion, not try to derail the thread into some weird, tangential, dualistic arguement where sweeping assumptions are made about a posters opinion and words are put in their mouth.

@Caerulea we don't know whether the place the Y6 pupil went to wasn't the designated quiet safe space. I doubt the older child would have been allowed in the school building without an adult with them. There are very few spare adults in school to help with this or there might not have been time to get an adult before the child has a meltdown. We also don't know whether that child did ask the 7yo to leave him be, before lashing out.

Yes the older child should not have hit out, and hopefully if there are ways to avoid that in the future then they need to be actioned. So reinforce that if a child is in the quiet area then best to leave them be and if you are worried find an adult supervising in the playground.

Bit confused here. Of course children should be taught to keep an eye out & to be kind to others in difficulty - I absolutely agree with this.

Also - ND children who experience overwhelm need to be taught the importance of being able to walk away & seek solace in order to regulate themselves. This is an invaluable tool for them & clearly this is what the older boy tried to do.

However if you've an ND child who is given to violence (even against a much smaller & younger child) if they are interrupted during this process then they need a place to go - not just almost out of reach of triggers (in this case, well-meaning 7yos).

Neither child is necessarily wrong, to me this is a school failure IF IT IS KNOWN the older child will lash out. The older child needs a quiet space away from the other children if the consequence is violence. If they are aware enough they need to remove themselves they should be able to ask a teacher to access that safe space - that's down to the school.

All this assuming the ND child is genuinely ND & not just a little shit. I'm so sorry for your DS, it would have been doubly shocking to be attacked in response to his attempt to be kind.

My son is an older teenager. Over the years he has become very good at self regulating and will remove himself from a situation where he is not coping. If someone persists in invading his space he will turn away, motion them away and if that doesn't work push them away gently. He will start to bite himself or hurt himself in other ways. But if they ignore this and he continues to become more distressed he will ultimately slap them because he can no longer cope.

That is how distressing invading someone else's space can be.

My child was hit in exactly the same way. It was in no way my DS or your DS fault that they were hit - despite what some posters would have us believe. Being ND does not excuse physical violence.

Had the "hitter" said please leave me alone I need some space, then I strongly believe my DS (and probably yours) would have respected that and walked away.

Hitting someone once let alone multiple times is NEVER acceptable. There may be a reason, but never an excuse.

I have not and will not teach my son that they shouldn't ask a friend if they are OK. We have said perhaps stand a few paces back when doing so.

My son was quite traumatised by the event, and had a day off school the following day as not slept and was really upset that he had done wrong. All parties confirmed he had not - including the class teachers, head teacher, the boy who hit him and his mum. I spoke to the head teacher, and agreed a way forwards for his return the next day. The young man who hit my son apologised as soon as he saw my DS the next day, and they made up quickly as kids can do. The mum was also very apologetic (not looked for by me) and we all moved forwards.

Why are we trying so hard to blame the victim?

Doesn't surprise me. I posted on a thread about sibling violence here, about my sister who used to batter the life out of the rest of us. We were terrified of her, literally used as a punching bag, but my parents reacted as though she was the victim and ignored the rest of us.

Posters flooded in to tell me that of course she had to be prioritised - she was ND (she wasn't) and children that hit are experiencing big feelings that must be worked through calmly and gently with the parent (whereas children who are bleeding because their sibling has just whacked them in the nose feel absolutely grand about it and require no comfort whatsoever, apparently).

A couple of people posted being like "er, what???" but mostly it was a deluge of people saying that what I went through was perfectly fine. MN is really, really fucked up on this issue.

Really?

How about it was likely the first time another person has ever violently attacked him before and he was in shock?

Maybe he was scared and froze? Maybe the three hits came quickly enough he couldn’t react.

WTF is this place.

OP (and the school) confirmed her son and two other boys went to HELP this child. Nobody was taunting him, being mean or getting in his face. She also confirmed it’s a small school and different age groups regularly mix and play together. My DD went to a big school and children often spent time with younger and older children at breaks.

Why are we trying so hard to blame the victim?

I don't think you can equate a little boy with ND, to an abusive adult relationship.
At our school the children are taught all about ND and equity. They understand well.

Giving a child space.

Basic manners like asking a distressed child if they're okay?

All of a sudden that's now the equivalent to being punched in the face apparently. Some of these responses are ridiculous.

This.
Ask yourself why your child stuck around to be hit a second time.

Kids of lazy parents that havent taught their DC basic skills by 7 are a PITA, I agree.

@ThejoyofNC an annoying child can be very distressing to a ND child, especially one close to meltdown. To them it can be as distressing as being hit, emotional rather than physical trauma.

Same as emotional abuse in a relationship

Newsflash, kids are annoying. Doesn't give the green light for them to be hit.

"But to flip that, the disabled child must suck up being trailed by a NT child whilst trying to calm themselves down because the NT child cannot be told to give a child space? "

The children at my son's special school were taught to give other people space when they wanted it. It's amazing that it is too difficult to attempt this for an NT child.

That poster hasn't said that at all. But to flip that, the disabled child must suck up being trailed by a NT child whilst trying to calm themselves down because the NT child cannot be told to give a child space? Why do we expect so much from children with neurological disabilities but NT kids are 'just kids' that can't possibly understand?

So your child can do what they want because they have autism and all the NT children just need to suck it up and accept being hit in the face?

Asking the boy if he was okay is not provoking that type of attack.