SC’s mum keeping/ruining clothes

Yep, never see anything again when I used to send DSC home. Send them home in PJs or some cheap joggers and t-shirts. Or tell her to send some clothes for the kids so go home in.

They probably do have better clothes at home but she will be sending them in the scruffiest so you will replace them.

Given that your partner only sees the DC every other weekend and pays the CMS pittance it may not be that she's purposefully ruining their clothes but struggling with the cost of raising children alone. If she's struggling for money her washing machine may be rubbish and maybe she can only afford vinted bundles of clothes. I would just keep the clothes at your house and buy a vinted bundle of clothes to send the DC home in.

Make it your DHs problem and/or send them home in uniform.

If they get sulky, so what? Let DH deal with out and explain why they're having to go back in uniform.

This is a common problem in blended families.
Just rotate the rag clothing.
Once you have given the clothes to the children, it is up to the children to look after.
Don't humiliate the children sending them home in a school uniform on a Sunday.
The best thing to do is buy some cheaper clothes and let it go.

Mayby. But you can't afford to keep going buying clothes for your stepchildren. You mention a low income.

How many nights do you have them a months? 4 nights?

Of course your children will have more clothes in their closet as they live with you 24/7. No big deal.

I doubt that if you only have them 4 nights a month.

Why is it so little? Perhaps if parenting was more equal it would even out.

YABU.

The mum isn't ruining the clothes, kids get messy and clothes get stained or ripped. It is part of life with children. I think you sound a bit snobby about second hand clothes. Loads of people wear second hand.

How much CMS does your DP pay for 3 kids who their mum is feeding, housing and ferrying around 12 days out of 14? Do you think it is realistic for their mum to buy lots of new clothes for 3 children when they have clothes that they like and that they wear already? The clothes belong to the kids. It is petty to ask for them back.

Primary track suits to go home in

Agree with lunar1. I'd never send my stepkids back in a Sunday in their uniform, that is just horrible and demeaning for them, it puts them in the middle. Equally, I share your frustration! The best thing is dropping them straight to school on a Monday morning. Should resolve a lot of the issues.

Don't buy more clothes. Keep clothes in your home. Send sc home in uniforms.
It's quite easy done.

If you don't like to return sc in uniform your only choice is to buy more clothes to let go. Then go for secondhand and Primark. Mum won't change.

Either or.
Make a decision and go with it.

Try reading all the OP'S posts

Hth

That's why you don't buy them new. You buy them secondhand.

Raising three children full stop isn't cheap, I'm afraid, but that's what your husband and his ex signed up for when they had three children. Between the two of them, they need to provide adequate clothing for their children.

There's a lot of middle ground between rags and £200 a month (!)

Buy cheap new clothes or cheap Vinted clothes if uniforms are out of the question.

When they're teens, you'll find they'll have more interest in clothes and will not be happy to wear whatever crap their mother buys for them. Save your money til they hit the tween years. Their mother may be doing the same.

Try not to feel obliged to deck them out in clothes you think are appropriate. Try not to feel mortified about the state of the clothing that eventually gets back to you. Unless the children themselves are unhappy about it, try to remember it's all just clothing that will end up as rags anyway.

Above all, try not to let the children see your frustration at their mother's lack of care for the clothes, or for her decisions as to what they should wear. You need to avoid criticism of the mother - keep your thoughts to yourself.

She may ot may not be passive aggressively sending you and your partner the message that he's not paying enough to clothe the girls nicely. She may or may not be explicitly or implicitly telling their girls they can't have nice things from her because dad is a tightwad. Don't get sucked into her game if that's what she's up to.

Cheap and cheerful clothes and a good attitude on your part will result in a win for you in the end.

They need to bring clothes to go home I'm. End of. Mum is taking the mickey.

Let them wear the nice clothes during the day but change before drop off. Again you have said they are nearly teenagers so old enough to explain why. I tell my own children things aren't cheap (which I sometimes regret when my daughter then repeats this saying things like I can't wear my nice clothes today as mum says they are expensive and I will ruin them playing at your house 🙈).
They need to take responsibility (and also see that it is their mum that is causing them to not have nice things)

Send back Sunday evening in pjs.

Or as PP says plain white Primark t-shirt & school trousers/skirt.

It won't stop until your DH does something. The kids will soon stop moaning about it when they realise it means they can wear their nice stuff at dads on the weekend

The poor kids. They are lucky to have you making sure they're not dressed in rags!

If it was me (this wouldn't work for everyone I'll admit) I'd double down and just keep buying bundles of clothes for them on Vinted - so nice things, but second hand and very inexpensive. But my main hobby is clothes shopping on Vinted and my DCs have learned to love a Vinted package arriving at least weekly 🤣